As I grow increasingly confused on when the right time is to talk to my oldest about sex, I am reminded about my adventure, or lack of regarding the topic. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we on how I became acquainted with the topic.
To understand, I need to take you back to Lil’ Hot Mess and her understanding of the birds and bees. When I was 8, I remember my mother going into the sole book shop in our town and purchasing this large, coffee table like book called “Where Did I Come From.” Inside were cartoon drawings of seemingly the grossest individuals you would ever want to envision having sex. Not only was the guy bald but had a massive gut. The woman was fat too with big curly hair and don’t forget the 70’s bush. Jesus, I thought it was going to engulf both cartoon characters. As an 8 year old, I wasn’t expecting porn characters but come on…have some dignity.
The irony was that my mom didn’t make hot chocolate one night and sit down next to me in our living room wanting to explain the whole sex thing to me. No, she strategically positioned the book in the guestroom/game room at the time so we would find it while playing a game of Mario Brothers while snacking on our Hot Pocket.
One day when my sister was too sick to play Super Mario Brothers, I decided to pull out the white book. It was a train wreck I couldn’t look away from. It was awful and dreadful on so many levels. I already kinda’ had the jest of sex and I didn’t need these 2 hayseeds ruining it for me. Besides, these 2 looked just 1 month away from menopause and Cialis. Why would we be using them as sexual examples?
A year or so after that, my mother took the plunge and went in for the kill. We may have been at Captain D’s or something when she asked, “You know about the birds and bees, right?”
Seeing that I wanted to immediately remove myself from this discussion, I nonchalantly responded with “yeah”.
So that was my experience. How was yours? Did your parent awkwardly give you the talk? I would love to hear as I prepare to give P his talk at some point in the next 5 to 10 years.
I got exactly 4 different sex talks from my parents:
1.) I was offered the same book you were when I was about the same age.
2.) My parents told me in middle school that homosexuality was wrong (be cause I had expressed outrage over an insinuation that two men should not be condemned over loving each other
3.) I had a wet dream when I was about 14, pointed out to my dad when mom was doing laundry and he grunted and said I was normal and had a wild dream about a woman.
4.) When I was19, my mom told me to wear a rubber and don’t do my girlfriend in her home.
Oh my God….I’m sitting in a Taco Bell right now trying to figure out how to respond here to this. 😉 This is hilarious and sad all at the same time. I’m sorry you got the book too. You know what would be funny? If I track down that book and before giving my son the talk, show him how sex ed was conveyed to me to show, things could be worse. Who knows, maybe he would prefer the book? #4 is pretty funny to me b/c it literally sounds as if she was giving you tips on going to a dinner party and not to forget a hostess gift…..or the rubber.
yeah, my mom has absolutely no tact, whatsoever…lol
My parents never gave me the sex talk. It’s not really anything we would ever talk about and still to this day it’s an “ummm hells no!” topic in my mind. So it was school, friends, and the internet that educated me lol probably not the best educational sources…..
That was pretty much my education as well as I did not consider this book a good resource.
I wrote a post about my birds and the bees experience. I let my mom read it first and it pissed her off. So I guess I am not going to publish it.
She tried to pass the duties onto my older sister who instead teased me relentlessly. Then during family movie night when I didn’t understand what was happening during the opening credits of Look Who’s Talking (little spermees swimming to the egg with music playing) my step-dad proceeded to tell me in front of the entire family.
I think privately and starting by acknowledging that is uncomfortable and you understand would ease the situation.
Oh man…..what did she get mad about? Honestly though, that is kinda’ the reason why I am still hesitant to give my mother my blog site b/c all hell is going to break loose. I feel like I need to reread every post and see what level of piss she will become. Hilarious your step-dad gave you a talk in front of the entire family. Were there other kids nearing the age of the sex talk there? Perhaps he was trying to knock everyone out all at once? 🙂
I wrote about how she was always in shape and dressing sexy. So it’s funny she had such a hard time addressing sex with us. She’s a paradox of being open and free and uptight.
I do come from a big family. There were a ton of kids present. So maybe you are right about my step dad, but I still didn’t appreciate it lol
I started my blog not really thinking about the anonymity aspect. I think it would be pretty awesome and freeing if certain people didn’t know. I for sure hold back on things bc I know whose eyes will see it.
Exactly. Only 3 people knownof my blog allowing me to be 100% free. My husband doesn’t even know.
What!?! That’s amazing. That means you can even blog about him.
And I take full advantage of the situation, usually with the housekeeping.
I’ve seen some of those posts and just thought he was really really cook with it lol.
Yeah….no…he’ll probably loose his shit. 🙂
My parents never had the sex talk with me. Dear God, how horrible that would have been. Sex was not an open subject, we had some issues in our house. Affairs and 2 surprise children (sister and brother whom I love to no end). I didn’t even get the period talk. It came one evening and my mother was not around. I think she and my dad were fighting and she left him for the millionth time. It was truly one of the worst days. That and December 17, 2000.
Anywho, no sex talk. I just knew o would never make the mistakes that were made. I didn’t do the deed until I was 19, almost 20. Sex is a very uncomfortable subject for my imidiate family. I actually feel uncomfortable writing about it now. Okay, I’m done. Haha!
Wow, it does sound like that was a very bad time. I am sorry to hear that. For what it’s worth, I never got the period talk either. In fact, I was thinking about writing about that too. Here is how the talk went after my mother found evidence, I had been hiding my period from her for 4 days and was somehow ashamed. “You started your period?” Me: “Yes.” Mom: “Ok, here is where I keep the kotex,” she says as she hands me banana size pads that were about as absorbent as a tarp.
LOL. I never received the talk. The reason my mom said was because I took sex ed in 5th grade. I’m thinking I need to talk to Munch about it. I’m scared as hell. He doesn’t like me to call it a penis.
Oh my God me too. I mean, it goes without saying this will be an extremely uncomfortable conversation for our boys and they will want it over with within 5 seconds. Perhaps we could create a summary, submit it to them and be done? Does that count? Or maybe I’ll tell my sister it’s written in Aunt law that it is their duty to complete this???
Yep. Brennan doesn’t even like me to say penis. It’s hilarious.
My beau calls it his hang down. Lol…I love that!!
There was no talk in my family, either. I remember we were watching some sort of TV show and a child was asking her parents what sex was. My mom turned to me and asked if I knew what it was, and like you, I just said “yeah” despite not having a clue. And I went to school in Texas, so any sex ed conversations were mostly about abstinence. I’m pretty sure I was in high school before I knew 100% what sex was haha.
I think the best way to go about it is to have small, but frequent, talks about it, as opposed to having one long, overwhelming discussion and then never talking about it again.
I don’t know if I could handle small talks. I get what you are saying though.