I Hate Football and BW3’s

I hate football & bw3's

There I said it. What I’m about to say, might turn some people off or there might be women who cannot relate. That’s ok, I’d rather be honest then lie.

When I read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, the main character, Amy, had a quote that resonated with me. When I read it, I wanted to stand up and shout to the world, YOU NAILED IT! I wanted to run to my friends and family to say “this bitch has cracked the code!” And I use bitch as a sincere form of endearment. It’s what I was thinking but couldn’t articulate. Below is a screen shot with the exact quote: Goodreads.com

Gillian Flynn's Cool Girl

After the revelation, I began to question myself. Am I excited about a speech given by a character that is a psychopath? Am I a psychopath, since I fully agree with the statement?

‘You know what?’ I said to myself, ‘if I’m a psychopath, I don’t care. It’s true.’

I am quite confident that my husband falls into this club of men that long to be married to cool girl. And it’s not even a “cool girl” in my mind. It’s some dumb-ass bimbo who is to coward to admit “You know what? Wings, beer and football? If all of this fell off the face of the Earth, I would sleep just fine.”

In my 14 years of marriage, I have never sat down and watched a 3 hour (isn’t that how long they are?) football game. Watching a football game is on par with watching 2 90-year-olds screwing, very painful and very torturous (which I’ve never had experience with, let’s just be clear. I’m not into geriatric porn).

And I have NEVER craved BW3’s. After finding a green thing on my chicken tender years ago that could only be a tumor, I’ve never eaten chicken there since. And when I had to order food for the family there the other day, I set up a login. As an extra measure to secure my account you had to answer the following question: What is your favorite?

And the 3 options were the following: wings, football or beer.

‘I hate all of these things! There is no lesser of the 3. Why didn’t they have a 4th option that was none of the above?’

Cool Girl Loves Sex all the Time

Another persona of Cool Girl is that she is thinking about sex all the time. What baffles me the most about my husband is how he is baffled at me for not wanting sex 24/7. Cool girl would. Does he think I’m at work, counting the minutes till I can get home and screw? I’m thinking about how quickly I can throw my bra off and wash my face.

So here we are, 11 minutes before the Super Bowl. Of course my husband and sons are expecting me down there, completely eager to watch with excitement, like the women in super bowl ads. You know what I’m talking about. In “Marketing Land”, Superbowl looks like this (this took me all of 4 minutes to find and save. These marketing geniuses really produced something unique here):

Again, please see how Cool Girl is “so involved”. Like she is having the best time of her life and cannot wait for sex after the game! You know what? Tell me the entire Tory Burch store is 75% off or anything in Target is free and I will orgasm on the spot.

So am I off here ladies? And please don’t respond, “I really enjoy football.” Ok great, most don’t. Have you had a Super Bowl count down, you are head-to-toe in your favorite team’s colors and currently receiving praise over your 7 layer dip? Are you a cool girl?

 

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