Drone Wars Part 1

I come down today from my 30 minute make-believe nap to discover the boys attempting to rip into their new drones. My husband went up to take a cat nap of 3 hours so I knew I would be the drone queen for the afternoon.

P was already screwing something to something on his drone while C risked slitting his wrist while opening his box with a knife.

“Oh sweetie, let me do that.” I say lovingly as I grab the knife. I take each item out of the box anxiously looking for the directions since I know zilch about drones.

Of coarse P is the older son and has a 98 page manual written in English, Spanish and French detailing every possible scenario that could happen with the drone including when it falls into the hands of a zombie.

C being the youngest son has an adorable pamphlet that folds twice failing to label the sole diagram of the drone. After checking the box twice and the table laden with Legos and candy, I came to the conclusion this drone was specifically created for a physic or a rocket scientist. The average Joe would need to return it to Best Buy for a Walkman.

I had read up on drones paying special attention to an article labeled “5 things you should know before you buy a drone.” Things I found particularly interesting is entry-level drones fly for an average of 8 minutes but then require 60 minutes of charging. Yes, because that’s practical with children. Something else I learned is the first order of business is to learn just to hover 4′ above the ground.

20 minutes later P was throwing on his coat to go in our backyard and test his new toy. I was curious so I stood at the backdoor and watched. P placed the drone on the patio table, looked over at me and mouthed while using his left hand a 5 second countdown.

I grinned encouragingly at him excited to see this new-found technology. By now C had joined me. All of a sudden we heard 3 beeps through the glass and up went the drone about 20′ over the patio. Then like P’s hopes that the Beat box at Christmas was going to be a drone, it all came crashing down. Suddenly I see 4 parts slamming down then jetting onto the grass.

Completely shocked by this  development I scream “SHIT!” despite C standing next to me. I never curse in front of my children. I go running out to inspect the damage.

“Oh my God, what happened?”

“Ohhh, I forgot to screw in the blade guards. My bad.”

I didn’t have it in me to scold. I was working on a few hours of sleep due to the holidays and I just wanted to go inside. Fortunately nothing was broken. I took it upon myself to screw in the blade guards so this wouldn’t happen a second time.

C was up next. I trusted he had studied his pamphlet to guess what to do. Since he was only 7 I walked out with him to assist him and to ensure he didn’t hurt himself with a random blade or something.

“O.k baby, remember, hover just 4′, o.k?” I asked.

“Yup!” He said excited.

He placed his drone on the grass and stepped back 2′.

“Baby, step back a few more feet. I don’t need that thing ripping off your face or something.” He smiled at this.

Like an Einstein, he beautifully elevated the drone just 2′. Hey, 4′ can wait, 2′ is good. But this was not an acceptable height for C.

All of a sudden the drone began to elevate now just as high as our shed. 12′ maybe? Then suddenly this devil machine shot up into orbit becoming smaller and smaller for the eye to see.

I went ballistic. “C! C! Stop it, not that high. Oh my God!!!!”

I could not believe how high these things could fly. I felt like I was in some futuristic movie or something. Then as fast as it shot up it came crashing down landing on its side up against our neighbor’s fence. The blades were still rotating and it almost looked like it was shaving off tiny pieces of the fence.

C went to grab it but like a rabid animal I pushed him out-of-the-way and said “No! Don’t touch it.” I didn’t know if the blades could slice your fingers off and I wasn’t going to find out.

Like picking up a horseshoe crab, I took the remote from his hand and used the antenna to pick up the drone by carefully sliding it under one of the blade shields.

As we began to walk back to the house I asked C, “C, how big is 4′?”

He must have thought this whole event was funny because with a grin he quickly elevated his hand just above him.

“That’s right. So why did you send it to orbit?”

“It wouldn’t stop.” He responded. I rolled my eyes and let out a big exhale.

So today it’s pouring and will do so all day. You can’t get these things wet and the boys are dying to try again. I don’t know if I have the patience to watch this debacle again in action. God give me the strength for the Drone Wars.