Public Service Announcement: Social Media “Stories”

social media stories

Disclaimer: This is a rant that will clearly show my Gen X-ness. I’m sure most of you have lovely social media “stories” that your mother loves to view over and over again.

For all the serial “story” posters: STOP! I can’t express how little people care about your “story”. Aka, what you’re doing at approximately 4:23 in the afternoon. How can you possibly think that people care that much about what you’re doing every f’ing hour, on the hour? What kind of psychopath do you have to be to create a “story” 6 times a day?

And it’s always just that handful of people that do it. It’s the ones that place a little more value on their day to day activities than what we do. Some of the more “compelling” stories I’ve seen have included:

  •  A freshly sewn wound, just after surgery
  • A child laying down after having just puked
  • An oven
  • Someone’s fucking mug in different poses…EVER…SINGLE…DAY
  • The back of a dog’s ass (this one, courtesy of Chelsea Handler)

Look, I’ll be the first one to admit that I talk about a lot of TMI stuff but that TMI stuff is about relating to people and making everyone that reads this blog realize that none of us are perfect.

Story Therapy

Because of all the narcissists of the world, I’m afraid I’m going to have to recommend the following treatment plan:

A. Put on ruby shoes (just do it). If you don’t have ruby shoes, go get some red sequins and hot glue that shit.

B. Repeat after me while clicking your heels together three times:

No one cares about my story

No one cares about my story

No one cares about my story

C. Now take the ruby shoes off, you look ridiculous. And for the love of God, don’t put a “story” out there about this.





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