10 Ways to Suck at College


As I sat in the auditorium this evening of my son’s high school, being briefed on taking college courses while in high school, the dread of college came back to me. I didn’t live in a dorm or have a roommate (unless you count my now husband). I never had the desire or need to join a sorority. Not to mention, the thought of being hazed scared the shit out of me. I made exactly 0 friends in college and couldn’t wait to get out. College was just a means to an end.

And I carried a bad attitude pretty much all through college. I find it impossible to hold focus in a classroom setting where 90% of the topic doesn’t interest me as well as the immense amount of homework. For example, I can tell myself to focus on reading a book but 6 sentences in, I’m writing the to-do list in my head.

I had some super bad habits when it came to attendance/studying and I want to share them with you. To this day, I have a reoccurring nightmare that I didn’t complete all the classes I needed and didn’t graduate. I did graduate but it took six, long, f’ing years.

10 Ways to Suck at College

Don’t Go

I didn’t go to a ton of my classes and the result was multiple failing grades and/or retaking the class. There’s nothing like taking Statistics twice. God, I hated that class.

Schedule Classes Around Soap Operas

I actually did this! This was before DVR, even before TiVo. We didn’t have that option and Days of Our Lives waited for no one. And besides, this was when things were getting really steamy between two of my favorite characters.

Drive to School, Turn Around, Drive Home

Again, on the stupid scale, this was up there. I would drive 15 miles to The Ohio State University, sit in my car and reason with myself as to why I should just turn around and go home. And I’d say about 2 out of 5 times, I did. I just turned my car on, turned around and went home.

Zone Out

This was really bad. I zoned out ALL THE TIME. I always vowed to just study more that night but it was impossible because I hadn’t allowed myself to pay attention to the fundamentals that the teacher had been teaching us.

Never Asking for Help

Asking for help meant additional time being taught and I did not want to be taught. I didn’t have the patience to learn something I thought completely unusable in my life. Life is too damn short to spend time on useless stuff.

Not Keeping Up on Homework

Did I mention the amount of homework? The first English class I had, I think we were assigned nine chapters in a night. I am the slowest reader on Earth and nine chapters of an average book is on par with trying to read one Harry Potter book in one night. Impossible!

We’re All Walking Over that Stage with the Same Piece of Paper

Yes, that was literally my college slogan for six years. We’re all walkin’ across that stage with the same piece of paper so it doesn’t matter if I get a 4.0 or a 2.5. Obviously, that was the wrong mentality but trying telling a 21-year-old any different.

Do the Bare Minimum

In relation to my college slogan, I also had the following work ethic in college: do the bare minimum to pass. I might as well wore ear plugs when the teacher announced extra credit.

Work Full-Time While Going to School Full-Time

Now some folks probably have to do this and it sucks. I had to work but I don’t know if I had to work the 40-50 hours I was working a week as an assistant store manager. See, I may come across as lazy in school but when it comes to work, I’m the complete opposite.

Blow Some of Your Loan on Dumb Shit

So I did use some of my college loan to live on but “live” and “my live” were two different things. It doesn’t help when you are an assistant manager of a fashion store and it’s frowned upon to not purchase the latest styles…four times a year. And back then, it wasn’t illegal to demand employees where the clothes from the store or face being fired.

Do you understand how much I sucked at college? Perhaps if I had a more traditional experience I would have liked it more. I didn’t live on campus but actually about 15 miles away. Then on top of that, you had to park in these parking lots, miles from the campus and be bussed in. Just what a kid wants to do between full-time school and work. I’m on the fence about letting my 14-year-old read this. I don’t ever want him to have an arsenal full of reasons to suck at college but I do want him to understand I’ve been through it.

Now it’s your turn. Did you do any of the stupid things I did above? Did you love college? I would love to hear what you have to say!



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