At 41, my sons deem me old. I don’t feel old and I feel like I’m doing a whole hell of a lot better trying to take care of my skin with my 1,001 SPF and facial creams. I was going to start out saying that old people are weird given my last 2 encounters but what’s old to me, may be young to others and ancient to some. So you can decide for yourself!
At the Grocery Store
On my lunch last Thursday I had to run to the grocery store to pick up a few things. On my way out, I spied an old man on a motorized scooter. When he looked right at me, I could tell his next thought was,
‘That’s the one.’
He pulled up next to me, stopped, and held out a liver-spotted hand to motion for me to stop walking. I did. Here is how our exchange went.
“You know why blondes are more fun?” He said pleased that he delivered the line flawlessly.
“No idea,” I said grinning, anticipating the punch line.
“Because you can see them better in the dark.” He said chuckling between trying to catch his breath and smiling.
Had this man been younger than 90, I would have been annoyed but the whole situation made me laugh. He looked to be 150-years-old and if this 1 little joke provided him happiness, who was I to take it from him. I fake laughed graciously, told him I thought it was hilarious and bid him adieu.
Yesterday I took Carter for a strep test at a Minute Clinic in CVS. For the past 3 days he has had a horrible stuffed-up nose, sore throat and overall yucky feeling. For the first time ever, the Nurse practitioner was an older gentleman with glasses and thinning grey hair. Normally, it’s a 30-something woman. This nurse knew his shit and was able to diagnose Carter just by the “allergy shiners” (that’s a thing, look it up!) he had under his eyes.
After writing a prescription he suggested a nasal spray. He just happened to have a nasal spray on his desk.
“See, I like to use this every day since everyone is coming in with colds and germs and the pollen is so bad.”
‘He’s not going to use this in front of us?’ I thought to myself. No one has ever demonstrated the actual usage of over-the-counter products.
He quickly grabbed 3 tissues from the tissue box on his desk, pulled the trash can out from under it and said the following, “see Carter, this is what you have to do.” His next move was to shove the nasal spray up his left nostril and squeeze. I looked at Carter horrified as he looked at me, attempting not to laugh. Nurse Jackie then took it out and shoved up his right nostril and squeezed, somewhat ferociously. At this point I was shaking my head, pleading with him telepathically to stop doing what he was doing as my eyes were burning.
“Then you’re gonna wanna let it drip down into the trash can,” he said methodically.
We had to sit and watch as clear liquid oozed from this man’s nostrils, down into the trash can. I was vomiting in my mouth and Carter was stifling the giggles. By my calculations this appointment had been done now for 10-minutes yet there we were, watching an old man, squeeze nasal spray into his nostrils.
We couldn’t get out of there sooner. I’m pleased to say Carter is feeling better today and I now have the image of the nurse with his nose dripping, seared into my brain for the rest of my life.