Yours truly, Hot Mess, has quiet possibly the worst handwriting you will ever see. I am indeed a member of the ugly handwriting club and truthfully, if an ugly handwriting club was a thing, I’d be the high priestess.
As a school girl, I envied pretty much every female classmates’ penmanship. Every one of them had this adorable, bubble handwriting. It was so feminine, almost singing, “I’m a girl and my writing is flowery and lovely.” Meanwhile, little orphan Annie over here might as well been writing with a fat sharpie because no matter the pen or pencil, nothing came out nice.
My mother’s hand writing was nice. Not super bubbly or anything but perfectly legible. My youngest sister has ok handwriting but my middle sister is just like me. It’s all jacked up scratches, almost its own language. When I married, I found it ironic that my mother-in-law has the most beautiful handwriting in all the land. Since irony is a comedian, she’s been hired in the past to address wedding invites using her beautiful calligraphy. If I were her, I would have forbidden me to marry her son, solely based on my handwriting. When I write in front of her, I feel like someone that had their larynx removed and must use an electrolarynx now. That really doesn’t make sense but those are the things in my head.
So what does my handwriting look like? There you go. Aside from my addiction to Samoa Girl Scout cookies, there’s my other nasty secret.
I decided before writing this post, I’d do a little research. Apparently there is something called dysgraphia, a deficiency in the ability to write (ironic isn’t it as a writer?). Just like being diagnosed with moderate to severe ADD at age 33 and understanding why college took 6 years to complete, this may be another “ah-ha” moment. Coincidentally, dysgrpahia goes hand-in-hand with ADD, ADHD and speech impediments. Another symptom is greater hang fatigue because you are trying so hard to write nicely. That’s the story of my life. Just writing the sentences to the left caused a slight ache because of how hard I was trying to control the pen.
I don’t know why people attempt to get diagnosed with dysgraphia. Is it so they have an excuse for their penmanship? If someone goes to the doctor for a cure, what are they going to do? Send you back to school?
Don’t Patronize Me
I’ve tried to find additional info on what sloppy hand writing means, and the results are all over the board. I’ve read things where it means you have low self-esteem all the way to, you’re a mother fuckin’ genius. The overall “positive” trait I see is that you’re creative but let’s be real, this is on par with telling a bride that rain on her wedding is good luck. You and I both know this isn’t a thing and in seven years, that bride will be divorced.
I’m seriously contemplating creating a t-shirt that says “High Priestess of the Ugly Handwriting Club”. If I make it, I’ll share it on Instagram and Twitter. So who seeks membership in the ugly handwriting club? If you have beautiful handwriting, we will have to decline your membership.