Blogging · Health · Ridiculousness

The Ugly Handwriting Club

Yours truly, Hot Mess, has quiet possibly the worst handwriting you will ever see. I am indeed a member of the ugly handwriting club and truthfully, if an ugly handwriting club was a thing, I’d be the high priestess.

As a school girl, I envied pretty much every female classmates’ penmanship. Every one of them had this adorable, bubble handwriting. It was so feminine, almost singing, “I’m a girl and my writing is flowery and lovely.” Meanwhile, little orphan Annie over here might as well been writing with a fat sharpie because no matter the pen or pencil, nothing came out nice.

My mother’s hand writing was nice. Not super bubbly or anything but perfectly legible. My youngest sister has ok handwriting but my middle sister is just like me. It’s all jacked up scratches, almost its own language. When I married, I found it ironic that my mother-in-law has the most beautiful handwriting in all the land. Since irony is a comedian, she’s been hired in the past to address wedding invites using her beautiful calligraphy. If I were her, I would have forbidden me to marry her son, solely based on my handwriting. When I write in front of her, I feel like someone that had their larynx removed and must use an electrolarynx now. That really doesn’t make sense but those are the things in my head.

handwritingSo what does my handwriting look like? There you go. Aside from my addiction to Samoa Girl Scout cookies, there’s my other nasty secret.

The Research

I decided before writing this post, I’d do a little research. Apparently there is something called dysgraphia, a deficiency in the ability to write (ironic isn’t it as a writer?). Just like being diagnosed with moderate to severe ADD at age 33 and understanding why college took 6 years to complete, this may be another “ah-ha” moment. Coincidentally, dysgrpahia goes hand-in-hand with ADD, ADHD and speech impediments. Another symptom is greater hang fatigue because you are trying so hard to write nicely. That’s the story of my life. Just writing the sentences to the left caused a slight ache because of how hard I was trying to control the pen.

I don’t know why people attempt to get diagnosed with dysgraphia. Is it so they have an excuse for their penmanship? If someone goes to the doctor for a cure, what are they going to do? Send you back to school?

Don’t Patronize Me

I’ve tried to find additional info on what sloppy hand writing means, and the results are all over the board. I’ve read things where it means you have low self-esteem all the way to, you’re a mother fuckin’ genius. The overall “positive” trait I see is that you’re creative but let’s be real, this is on par with telling a bride that rain on her wedding is good luck. You and I both know this isn’t a thing and in seven years, that bride will be divorced.

I’m seriously contemplating creating a t-shirt that says “High Priestess of the Ugly Handwriting Club”. If I make it, I’ll share it on Instagram and Twitter. So who seeks membership in the ugly handwriting club? If you have beautiful handwriting, we will have to decline your membership.


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13 thoughts on “The Ugly Handwriting Club

  1. I can’t read my own handwriting when I’m typing up my latest chapter, I can remember the gist, but when a scribbble is a vital word laden with meaning and I can’t remember what it was…
    My first mistake in life was the first day of junior school when the teacher asked anyone left handed to put up their hand. I had a mental block and for a moment thought right was left…Ever after that my untidy writng was attributed to my trying to write with my right and for four years teachers would not believe I was right handed….

    1. What age is junior school? Is that the same as middle school (around the age of 11-14)? That sounds terrible! You faked being right handed? OMG! Occasionally I’ll attempt to write with my left hand (thought maybe that was even the problem) but it just turns out worst.

  2. My mom has the most beautiful handwriting!! And I envy her so much. Remember last year when I tried to improve my handwriting? HAHA It’s actually not that bad. I just made a birthday card for my kidlet’s dad and I hand wrote a message in it, and was pretty happy with the results. I really do prefer printing though. I have “teacher on the black board” printing which I really love.

  3. I totally envied the girls who had the handwriting that looked like a typeface, the girls who wrote in the bubbly work where hearts as I dots made sense. Tried to be them. Totally gave up after one or two sentences. I feel like this post could be my EXACT post, in fact I will probably do some handwriting analysis of my own and blog about it, from a slightly different bent. My cursive looks like a small child being handed a badly inked paintbrush with their feet. My sister is ducking perfect which is annoying as hell. My dad did all of my parents wedding invitations, and a huge banner for their wedding, he is a calligraphy genius but it has turned his handwriting into narrow sanscrti that only our family can decipher now, my moms is perfectly serviceable and is fluffy like the buns that are described on the recipe cards she is using said handwriting for. Myself? I type everything and am ADHD to the max. When I write I start neat and dissemble into madness and gooofy mixture of legible and tidy with terrifying and undreadable. It’s serious dumb. I worked with a gal from a Slavic European country and her writing was a weird mix between cursive and printing, it was downright decorative and beautiful. I would have paid her to just write for me. I wish I had a sample of it to post a pic

    1. Oh, I do hope you blog about it and let me know cause I want to read it! Something you said reminded me of something I do. The thing where you start out slow then give up after a sentence or 2. I totally do that. Partly bc I have 0 patience and my hand begins to ache with how tight I’m holding the pencil.

  4. I think people who have good handwriting are more artistic than those who don’t. My ex was an extremely talented artist. He could draw cartoons and paint amazing pieces without even anything to copy. He also had really impressive handwriting. It almost looked like elvish calligraphy. I on the other hand have the handwriting of an adolescent boy. It’s legible, but not pretty.

    1. Man, I’m on the fence with that. I think I’m pretty creative and my handwriting looks like I’m holding a pen in my left hand with an oven mit. I think it may go either way. I think you and I are just screwed. Like take today for instance. I have this beautiful planner I just got in the mail and I’ll be ruining it with my ugly handwriting. Ya know?

      1. Or you can just tell people you were destined to be a doctor, but missed your calling. Doctors all have horrid handwriting- I know this first hand as I’ve worked in many a doctor’s office.

        1. I’ve heard that. Especially from my mom who was a nurse for years. The reason I don’t, my handwriting just doesn’t have that, “I’m so smart that my thoughts are coming faster than I can write out” look. So I just say fuck it and accept my chicken scratch. Oh well!

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