Family · Kids · Parenting · Ridiculousness

6 Ways to be a Decent Human Being in Middle School

From my experience and from having a son in middle school, I am confident middle school should be studied by cultural anthropologists. Similar to Amazon tribes, middle school kids are a mystery in their rituals, dress and beliefs. I had an idea a few days ago to ask my sons to write a post. One for middle school and one for elementary. Since they want to earn money, I even bribed them with $5 per post. While the 9-year-old is only half done, the 12-year-old wasted no time. I absolutely love his sense of humor and I think you will too. And now I present to you…

6 Ways to be a Decent Human Being in Middle School

Make Out Session

Don’t tongue twist with your girlfriend, next to my locker. Like this…really….happens. All I want to do is get my stuff but all I hear are your lips smacking, like you’re sucking a milkshake dry. Just do it like the movies and go behind the bleachers or in the janitors’ closet.

Boyz in the Hood

Don’t act like you’re hood. I see kids throwing around gang symbols and listening to trap music (hot mess note: after not following my son’s explanation of trap music, I googled it. Here is Wikipedia’s version) but bro, we’re from a farm suburb, where the worst thing someone has ever done, has been to count the soybeans in the field incorrectly. We have a few kids that just walk around with a bluetooth speaker in their pocket and listen to the quote “trap” music, because they’re “hard”. 

Tattle Tale

Don’t snitch on me or my friends just because you’re mad. This is the worst thing you can do. If I want to watch my fortnite (hot mess here again to translate, fortnite is a free video game you can play on XBox1) during class on my phone, let me! Just because you can’t do the same doesn’t mean you have to get mad and snitch. What personal gain do you get from this? Like, “Yes I snitched on P, but I can’t understand why he’s looking at me like that now.”

Move Over People

Don’t walk too slow or too fast. Middle school is like a highway and when my school has hallways the size of a mouse-hole, it gets hard to navigate. When you walk too slow and there’s no way around you, I get “hallway rage”. Also, even though the teacher will probably be sleeping upon entering the classroom, you need to move faster! Lastly, don’t run into me, watch my books fly everywhere then make no effort to help me pick them up! This makes me and everyone else very, very mad. Once, my teacher told me the story about a boy who ran around the corner, hit another kid and his teeth went through his bottom lip.

Shut Your Mouth

Do not, by any means, remind the teacher of an assignment that is due. Are you insane? 9 times out of 10, me or someone else didn’t do the assignment and we don’t want the teacher to know. Just because you play no sports and have the free time of a retired 90-year-old doesn’t mean I do.

I’ll even go a step further and attempt telepathy, sending the following message, “don’t do it, don’t do it!” I’ll make a noise that is on par with a dying animal, dying a slow painful death to express my annoyance.

Prison Food

Don’t lie and say school food is good. All lies! For real, it looks like it just came out of a prison easy bake oven. But knowing our school, the easy bake oven is probably missing the light bulb or more importantly, the only way the food is cooked. Just today, my friend found a piece of paper on his cookie. If you eat what this place gives you, you’re obviously not fed at home. People will say, “come on guys it’s not that bad.” We just look at that person like they just announced 2+2 equals 5.

Well guys, how did he do? I think he did great! He makes me laugh and one of the many reasons I love him!

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47 thoughts on “6 Ways to be a Decent Human Being in Middle School

    1. Right? And thank you! I am sooo proud of him! I told him he needs to write more. He got a blog site together but then didn’t do anything with it. Perhaps he’ll pick it back up!

    1. I think he did a great job pointing out all the “specialness” of middle school! My husband ate with him once and said the food really is that bad!

  1. Oh I totally agree that P needs to start his own blog! Thanks for adding in the translations because, obviously, I’m not up to date on my middle school language!

    1. Nor was I. I had NEVER heard of trap music. I’m like, “oh, they just added on a t to rap to make it trap.” I would love for him to start blogging. I think he is really funny!

    1. Thank you Ritu! Maybe if he wrote about middle school more, we could understand them more? Like why saying, “I love you” in front of his friends is wrong. You know, stuff like that.

  2. Chip (non-school origin, salted and everything) off the block. He sounds like I remember I was back in the day…apart from trap music… sounds note like a commercial tag line…trapped into giving us your cash for songs… can’t say I’m trap aware mind so translation appreciated.

    Excellent post and yes, he needs to blog. Diarise his school journey. Could bring him some useful help in the future if he goes into the media world.

    1. Thank you Gary! Yeah, trap music is a mystery though when he plays it I want to cup my ears dramatically and fall on the floor in pain. And yes, I would love for him to start a blog. I rarely see bloggers under the age of 20 and you can learn sooo much from blogging, grammar, spelling, story telling, etc.

      1. I’ve seen a few and if you consider growth rates on blogs by the time he’s finished school proper it may well have quite a following. Great on the CV too. I’d encourage that for sure!

        1. You know, that’s not a bad idea AT ALL! It made me just think of something. He has about 3 until he can get a part time job. What if he started blogging now, grew it and could monetize it? Then, instead of working at McDonalds or Subway like his friends, he would be paid via the comfort of his desk. I like that idea!!! Thanks Gary!!

          1. I think it’s something that will add value at all levels. If he is interested in English Language or similar school subjects then often projects focus on social media, as does media studies. It helps with ICT and marketing. If he takes it alongside school then I’ve seen young bloggers talk about exam stress and receive a lot of comments reacting to it. Now is the time to grow it as an interest that could real huge benefits later too. Costs nothing to try either!

  3. I was actually nodding a few times. Especially on the walking as it drives me crazy people that take up the whole sidewalk so I’m with him there. Agree no teacher reminders unless it is to leave early!!

    1. YES! And this happens all the time at malls or at the grocery store. People just meander about as if no one could possibly be behind them. In my head I’m screaming MOVE OVER!!!

    1. Thank you so much! I just talked with him and we agreed his next topic would be about how horrible soccer parents behave on the sidelines as well as at the hotel during tournaments. I’ve written about it before so it will be refreshing coming from him!

  4. Hahaha, these are all very true AND good lessons for the rest of life!! I definitely had no patience for these habits when I was a kid, either haha. He’s a got a great writing voice, I say he does guest posts on the regular!!

  5. OMG! First off get him his own blog STAT! Second of all, the imagery of Trap music and soybean picking had me laughing…wait, unless soybean is code for something?

    1. Ha! Thank you! No, soybeans are actully soybeans…..at least for now. Just the name of it, trap music, sounds horrible. He really does need his own blog and I keep suggesting it but no go, at least not yet.

    1. Right! Maybe if I keep reading all of these, he’ll finally quit fighting it, sit down and write one!!! Thank you! I love all the compliments he’s getting. 12-year-old boys need wins like this from time to time. You know, to boost their confidence!

      1. I agree. I don’t have a son but I teach a lot of 12 year olds. I might even use his blog post to inspire them when we are blog writing in class-if your son doesn’t mind x

            1. I just read this to my son then stopped in mid-sentence and said, “oh God I hope they don’t go to my other post!” They won’t have access to the other posts, right? Some of my posts, as you know are R rated. 😉

    1. Thank you! I hope he will! My 9-year-old also has about 1/2 a post complete with the same topic but for elementary school. It’s not bad for his age! If he finishes it, I will be excited to post that one too!

  6. Hallway rage, ha ha ha hah but I get what he means 😃😄

    And yes! Why remind teachers about assignment ? What is wrong with kids? Your son is so funny!

    1. The only reason those annoying little brats are reminding the teacher is because they clearly have the assignment done and want credit for it. As a child, I wanted to turn around and slap them to Siberia. Thank you for the compliments! I’ve been reading all of these to him and he loves it!

    1. I am so glad you got a laugh from this and read it to your family (that’s what lot means, right? Group or family? Sorry, we don’t use that term so I’m sorry if I misused it). My son uses the term lit all the time. Apparently that means cool. I guess it’s better than what some kids used when I was a teen: dope. The highest compliment I received once from one of P’s friends was that I was a “lit mom”. I even wrote about it. Thank you!

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