I’ve stayed at a ton of hotels in my lifetime, thanks to many years of business trips and occasionally a little to no lodging budget. Some of the best hotels included the Soho Grand, The Mondrian, The W in New Orleans, Atlanta and NYC, The Shore Club and my personal favorite, The Hotel at the Mandalay Bay. Not the shit hole part of the Mandalay Bay but the modern hotel, literally called The Hotel.
As I changed jobs and the business travel winded down, the soccer tournaments winded up. Over the past few years, I’ve been tasked to find the best hotels for 10 families at a time. Tonight, I was looking for a hotel for 25 families. Though my husband is the admin of the team, he leaves the hotel choosing and booking to me. Some admins do 0 research to find a room and this royally pisses me off.
“Ehhh, it’s 3 minutes from the field. I’m sure they’ve cleaned up the bed bug problem.”
Wait, what?Ā
When I book rooms, I do my homework. I read reviews and look at pictures. I go on Trip Advisor and look at the traveler’s pictures because they are usually remarkably different from the professional photographer’s photos. Magically, photographers have a way of turning a walk-in closet to seem like the west wing of a mansion. I always breathe a sigh of relief when I see their photos which stop me from booking a pantry size room.
So here is what I’ve learned when booking hotels. Below are some red flags you shouldn’t ignore. Additionally, I’ve added some research tips when looking for the perfect hotel. It’s your hard-earned money. Why not make it go far?
Tips for Avoiding a Shit Hole Hotel
- Pictures of flowers or night stands. When one of the primary pictures includes flowers on a nightstand or just a nightstand, your room will be smaller than a pack and play. They literally have nothing else to photograph.
- When you go on Trip Advisor to read reviews, query bed bugs. You will immediately be brought to any reviews with bed bugs for that hotel. Once when a soccer mom booked a hotel in Kentucky, it was a complete shit hole. Though convenient, there was a liquor store in the parking lot, just to give you an idea of what we were dealing with. After the fact, I queried bed bugs. Turns out, there were bed bugs in the room directly across from us. Eeww…..
- Hampton Inn does this all the time and it pisses me off. They update the lobby/common room but pay no attention to the hotel rooms. So you have this modern lobby (the hotel I mentioned in point 2 did this) that is beautiful then these shit hole rooms that haven’t been touched since 1989. Make sure you are clicking through all pictures to ensure they updated the rooms too.
- Suites aren’t always suites. Why do hoteliers call their hotel a suite, just because they throw a sofa in the same room as the beds? That’s not a suite. And what is borderline patronizing? They’ll throw up this 1/4 partition between the sofa and the lumpy bed. Uhh, the kids can still hear us having sex so technically we can’t, and this isn’t a suite. Once, a modern, just built La Quinta showed a 2 room suite. When I called to confirm our suite, they conveyed the picture was inaccurate and really it was just 1 big room. Call to confirm.
- In room hot tubs are a huge red flag. Once an indulgence of the 80’s and 90’s, if the hotel is photographing the fact that they have hot tubs in some of the rooms, avoid the hotel. Modern hotels don’t put hot tubs in the rooms anymore.
- As you can see, I rely a lot on pictures. I’ve found they can be very telling of what your experience will be like. If there is a strong mix of on site photography with stock photos, this is a red flag. If there are several pictures of breakfast foods and business men in meetings, that’s a huge red flag.
So what did I miss? Those are just a few guidelines I use when booking hotels. What are yours?
I use Trip Advisor also and yes to travellers’ pictures. I don’t have high end needs I want safe and clean so also query location as I am usually walking everywhere.
Yes, that is a good point. That Hampton Inn we stayed at was in walking distance of a few restaurants. What was not noted was the bumb my children would pass while on the way to dinner that was pissing in the river. Classy.
Thanks for the tips! I’m going to keep these in mind the next time we decide to take a family trip. I’ve book marked this post! š
Fantastic! Here’s to a bed bug free, huge, modern room that I hope you get! I also have a post called the sandwich trick which tells how to get upgraded rooms. That’s a nugget though I feel like you’ve read that one already???
I haven’t. Can you leave the link in comments. I’d like to bookmark that one, too. š
Sure! I’ve gotten jaw dropping rooms b/c of this trick! https://hotmessmemoir.com/2016/02/12/the-sandwich-trick-how-to-get-an-upgraded-hotel-room/
Awesome! Thank you! You rock!
No girl, you rock! And you’ve got to try it! I cannot believe how well it works. Now granted, you can’t go into a Red Roof Inn and expect a suite but if you go to say, the Hilton or The W, it works like a charm!
This is a solid post! I think bed bugs is the thing that I am most fearful off and of course hotels can be a breeding ground for them. I wont go handy to a place that has even a whisper of bed bugs there!
Thank you! And you know what? If I slept in a room with bed bugs, I’d probably mistake the bites for zits and attempt to pop them. I don’t even know what bed bug bites look like. Hmmm….
I’m terrified of bed bugs thanks to scare a couple years ago! Scary thing is, you might not even react to bites, OR they won’t show up until you get home, depending on how long your stay is!
I also steer clear if there’s even one mention.
Keep your bags off the floor, bed, furniture and know what to look for!
Iād second location too but absolutely look at the reviews especially on third party websites and absolutely look at the pictures. Great tips.
Thank you!!
I’ll be sure to check on Trip Advisor next time!
Good deal! I love Trip advisor!
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I LOVE Trip Advisor and I ALWAYS do a search within the reviews for bed bugs. Always. Before doing research for a stay in NYC, I never realized they were anything more than the subject of a weird bed time song.
I also steer clear of the cheaper hotels. My logic is they don’t have the funding and reputation to care if something goes wrong. My experience is they try to cover it up or they straight up lie to their guests. A big time, big name brand will try to prevent bed bugs or other serious problems before they get out of hand!
Guest photos are the only thing I go off of!! Great tips!
Yep! I totally believe in the guest photos. It’s so true!
My husband are the worst travelers ever. We never look in to anything, and just find something when we get there. Or, sleep in the car because everything is booked. Never travel with us! LOL
Sleep in the car? I can’t even fathom! Next time you need to go somewhere, contact the Hot Mess Travel Agency. Guaranteed to ensure a wonderful vacation! LOL!
Absolutely! š
There are things here I have never thought of!! I have been bitten by a bed bug though. Literally. Ew.
Seriously? Did it swell up like a boil?
Trip Advisor reviews are my go-to. And I make sure that I also review (good and bad) so that other people get current information.
I’ve written like 2 reviews. One was about that shit hole in Kentucky we stayed in.
OMG YES! We’ve just booked an international holiday with the squids and we were looking at suites since husband and I have a lot to celebrate, hence the trip. And we were just going, “yeah, but we can’t have sex here… or here… or here.” THAT’s what makes it a “suite”. The privacy.
Amen sista! But now I think I’ve figured out what you meant with squids, did you mean kids? I was like, “she’s going on vacation with squids? Is that like snorkeling?” LOL! Yes! A suite must have a door that separates you from your children or it’s no good!
Lol love this list. All new to me. I don’t travel often so it’s not or miss
I’m glad you liked this list and I hope someday you do a ton of traveling! Unless you hate to travel, then I hope you never travel. You know what I mean. LOL!
Hahah my kids are so young travelling is horrendous. Ill use these tips later
Ha!!
So, the best hotel we stayed in NZ had a hot tub bath! It was really posh, and we reeeeeally appreciated the hot bath after our epic day hiking.
Having said that, it might be the exception that proves the rule!? I mean the rest of your points are all perfect!