Pop Culture · Ridiculousness

A Ridiculous Scam Letter

Today’s post was literally wrote by a spammer/scammer. I copied and pasted the entire thing because it made me laugh so much. I’m weighing the safety options here but I’m thinking about responding for a little amusement. Below is the entire spam email. Mrs. Ruth Roberto really has a way with words. I’ve added my comments in red. Enjoy!
Dearest one in Christ Jesus how are you doing today? (I thought it was Jesus Christ? That would be like someone calling me Mess Hot)
however is not  mandatory nor  will I in any manner compel you to honour against your  will. I am Mrs Ruth Roberto from United Kingdom .
I married to Mr.Roberto Thomas  from Toronto Canada who worked with Canadian Embassy here in Cote d’Ivoire for nine years before he died  in the year 2015.
Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since  his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my  matrimonial home which the Bible is against. (Yes, that’s because it’s called kidnapping)
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $4.5 Million in  a bank . (Damn! Who do I have to know to get hired by the Canadian Embassy?)
Recently, my DOCTOR told me that I would not last for the  next Eight months due to cancer problem (cancer problem?). Having known my  condition I decided to donate this fund to an  Orphanage  or good Christian that will utilize this money the way I am  going to instruct here in.
I want a Church organization or good person that will use  this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of  God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.
l took this decision because I don’t have any child that  will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not  Christians not even good at all because they are the one  that killed my husband in other to have all my late husband  properties and I don’t want my husband’s efforts to  be used by unbelievers (Really? This is your biggest beef with them? That they may give the money to non-believers? How about the fact that they murdered your husband?). I don’t want a situation where  this money will be used in an ungodly way.
This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of  death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going  to be in the bosom of the Lord (God has boobs?).Exodus 14 VS 14 says that  “the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my  peace”.
With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact  of the Bank . I will also issue you an authority letter that  will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. I want  you to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd.
My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy  Christian. Whoever that Wants (why do you keep making random words upper case?) to serve the Lord must serve  him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all  through your life.
Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated  here in.
Hoping to receive your response immediately.
Thanks and Remain blessed in the Lord.
Mrs Ruth Roberto
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