So I have decided to try the WordPress prompt of the day and it’s inheritance. So, seeing that I do not have a will yet, I have decided to use my blog as my last will and testament. Here it goes and mind you, I am not going to Google legal jargon. I’m just going to use words I think I’ve heard before that sounds all legally and stuff. Obviously I’m inventing new words at the same time.
As my last will and testament, I bequeath the following worldly possessions to dear family and friends:
My Bank Account
I bestow the $14.35 in my checking account to my husband. Please pace yourself with spending this. I figure you can buy 56 ramen noodle packets but I’ve never been the mathematician so figure it out. Also, can I borrow $10 so I have some cash on me for the afterlife?
My 3 Fedoras
Because my best friend always tells the tale of inviting me over for the first time and I wore an ungodly, huge fashion hat, I now bestow upon her my 3 fedoras: the summer fedora, the fall/winter fedora and the spring fedora. Please wear each one according to the season.
My Wine Glasses
To my dear sister, I give you my GANGSTA WRAPPER and BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES wine glasses. If there is any wine left in the box, you can have that too.
Please donate Chichi to the Smithsonian. She can be studied in great detail as to why she is 106 years old and still alive. This will also aid in the prevention of aging.
Gift Card to The Local Spa
The barista at the town coffee-house will inherit this in an effort to remove her vomit-inducing mole on her neck. It was like a base-mole with about 4 tiny midget moles hanging off of it. It’s like the mole had moles. God, now I’ve lost my appetite. If they can’t do anything for it at the spa or it has a heart beat, just cut it off or something.
Please just bury it with me. The new, blue one and make sure there are new batteries in it. I’m gonna have a lot of time on my hands.
My 2003 Toyota Corolla
And to my loving sons, I give you my 2003 Toyota Corolla, complete with 269,000 miles on it. When you’re old enough to drive, you now can be embarrassed every time you have to roll your windows down and you are literally are rolling your windows down. It’s not just a figure of speech. You’re welcome.
I herby declare, by the power invested in me by the state of Ohio, I pronounce this my will this thirteenth day of December in the year of our Lord, two thousand eighteen.