Unapologetic

I believe there is an art to being unapologetic. I am unapologetic about many things. Some have taken years to get to this point, others it’s been that way since day 1.

“But Hot Mess, why do you have to say your unapologetic about these things?”

I’ll tell you why, because some of the below that I practice would pretty much label me a buzz kill, nerd, dweeb, lard ass and again, I really don’t care. So without further ad0, here is the list….

Albino Like Skin

I can count on 1 hand the times I’ve attempted tanning beds. Do they still exist? I finding it astounding how many women still tan and use little to no sunblock despite the leather face that is their future. In my late 20’s I had a come to Jesus moment with myself that went like this:

‘No matter how hard you try, you can’t tan. Even when you do become darker it’s more the color of a Coke can. You aren’t going to tan, you will have the palest legs in the office and that’s ok.’

Never Tried a Cigarette or Drug

Needs no explanation. Never have, never will.

My Constant Longing for Botox

Yep, I want Botox and I want Restylne. I’m not trying to rock a cat face or anything, but I do want to look like I’ve had 9 hours of sleep when I’ve only had 6. I had no problem telling people when I had both fillers. I looked so much better.

Dislike of the Pool (for longer than 30 minutes)

‘Oh, I can’t wait to go outside and spend all day at the pool!’ Is something I here friends exclaim from time to time. What are we? 11? Additionally, this makes unapology #1 above a bit difficult to keep when basking in the death rays of the sun.

My Love to Eat (i.e. steak)

I don’t love to eat, I FUCKING LUV to eat. I think that is why I haven’t become a walrus, having embraced this passion. I think I would roll around in steak if socially acceptable, like my Chihuahua does when she finds a place the geese have shit. I’m not afraid to profess my love of bacon too. Like a smoker on their 3rd pack for the day, I will still eat bacon even when they tell me how much cancer it causes.

Admitting Maternity Leave is On Par With Boot Camp

It sucks. There is no other way to say it. The bonding is what occurs for weeks, months and years. You aren’t using maternity leave to bond, your simply surviving; sometimes on 3 hours of sleep. If your boobs aren’t engorged with 8 gallons of milk, you are feeding previously pumped milk to your baby. Personal hygiene tends to be optional during this “magical time” and occasionally when you see the postman you are debating on whether to strike up a conversation because he’s a real live adult and you haven’t seen those lately.

My Love to Drink Wine

“Oh, I can’t have more than a 1/2 a glass of Chardonnay or I’ll totally fall asleep.” When I hear a woman utter this I know that A. we could never be friends and B. Just shut up. Don’t you have another Pinterest craft to make or something?

Never Wanting My Food To Touch

This is probably somewhat comical and especially so for my sister S. When we would eat at Japanese Steak House and the chef was about to place the shrimp on top of my fried rice, I’d politely pull my plate away and point to the designated empty spot that I had reserved for the shrimp. Similarly, I will prop my plate up by 1-2 sugar packets thus ensuring the juice of my green beans stays in it’s area and not come over to my steak. I think this OCD-like behavior came from watching my grandfather eat his stuffed green pepper, mashed potatoes and corn on his plate then take a slice of bread and smear it all around the plate and eat it. I literally just heaved while typing this.

Needing to Unpack and Put Away Everything At a Hotel

The hotel room is unlike my home in that it starts clean and I do everything in my power to keep it that way. My husband laughs at this tendency (now the tendency of my oldest as well) as he lives out of his duffle bag like 90% of the population does for a 1-2 night stay. Not me. After 20 minutes, everything has a home and now I’m picking up soggy swimming trunks my sons just left on the carpet.

I didn’t enjoy College.

It sucked and I couldn’t wait to walk the stage with my 2.7 GPA. We all are walkin’ out of here with the same piece of paper folks!

Additional Things I’ll Never Apologize For…..

Admitting I didn’t Like  Being Pregnant

My Need to Have Alone time

For not forming a “thick skin”. You just need to stop being an ass hole.

Admitting when I’m starving (I often joke I’m about to eat my young)

Parenting is HARD