Hot Mess And Easter Shenanigans

As I posted Saturday night, I was caught red-handed or egg-handed by my 8-year-old. I successfully crushed his dreams in a matter of minutes when he walked in on us unloading Easter eggs in various corners. Here is the post on how I did not cope with the turn of events: My Son Just Found Out The Easter Bunny Doesn’t Exist

Regardless of my failure as a parent Saturday night and blowing the Easter bunny distortion, my son came into our room at 6:41 yesterday to ask me what time it was. He’s 8 and has been telling time for years. Never mind the clock on our nightstand, the Alexa in his room, prepared to verbally tell him the time or the various tablets lying around, where all you have to do is press a button. No, he wanted me to wake up just so I could tell him the time. I had gone to bed just 5 hours before that and had gave him explicit directions not to wake anyone up before 8 am. We hadn’t gotten home from a soccer match till 11:30 so this was a very practical request.

“Go back to bed! I told you 8 am.” I said in a fog.

At 8:04, he was back in our room, relentlessly waking me up. Where was this clock an hour and a half ago? Exactly. Once I realized he was probably excited that it was Easter, I begrudgingly rolled out of bed.

Despite C knowing the Easter bunny is fake, he still hunted eggs with excitement and loved his Easter basket. The “hunt” took approximately 4 minutes. After 2 gigantic Reese eggs, we settled down to play Bananagrams. I fucking LOVE Bananagrams!

“We really need to take the B off of Booker,” I told C. We were trying to spell babble and we needed just 1 more b. “Hmmmm, what word could we make if we replaced the B?” The question came out before I realized our only 2 tiles were either an H or an I.

“Hooker?” C asked innocently. I say innocently because I have truly failed if he knows the definition of hooker.

“Nope, not a word,” I said curtly.

“Are you sure? Let’s check,” he said, grabbing my phone. We always check words on the dictionary.com app. Knowing there was only one way out of this, having unexplained the Easter bunny the night before, I went with the truth.

“Ok, it is a word but it’s a bad word so we aren’t using hooker.

2 hours later we were on our way to my in-laws. As anticipated, I was entrusted with an Easter dinner side that required only assembly, no cooking. I am on board with this unwritten rule I have with the Notorious MIL (mother in law) as I hate to cook and suck at it too. My philosophy is this: I take 0 enjoyment in a hobby that not only costs money but is gone in 5-20 minutes. Because my sons are as appreciative of my cooking as Mariah Carey is about being asked to sing at New Year’s Eve, often times I’m left with 2 kids bitching about the noodle being the wrong size or the orange of the mac-n-cheese not being the proper shade.  I was told to bring a salad.

After dinner, all of us walked out to the veranda to visit and drink cocktails. My mother-in-law had an idea to have my sons hunt Easter eggs in her enormous backyard. As she began to slowly explain the rules, my husband jokingly began to put a plastic bag over his head in mock suicide.

“I wonder how many seconds this would take to kill me?” He questioned.

“10.5 seconds,” my father-in-law said in a matter of fact tone, as if he had tested this at some point. He was a little too familiar with this knowledge and though I gave him a little grief, I wasn’t going to press it.

5 minutes later, my husband, sister-in-law, A and myself, are being commanded to hide the Easter eggs while my sons are taken inside by my father-in-law. The veranda we were sitting on looks over the yard and you have to walk down about 15-20 brick steps to reach the grass. I took the 18 eggs in a plastic bag and reluctantly walked down the steps. My husband followed in my wake while my sister-in-law stalled up on the veranda, pretending to straighten the chairs or something. My mother-in-law’s back was towards me when I had an idea.

I took 3 eggs and just threw them. All 3 landed in different places. Brilliant! I took 2 more and threw them but they opened and ejected a dollar bill and a fun-size snickers. Quickly, I looked up to the veranda to ensure I hadn’t been caught, then ran over to the 2 eggs and reassembled them. I then turned back around to the veranda and noticed Notorious MIL still had her back turned but my sister-in-law was now watching me. I took 4 eggs from my bag in my left hand. While not breaking eye contact with her, I threw them to my left. Call it a silent protest for what we were being forced to do but she doubled over in laughter. I laughed too. This caught MIL’s attention and she stiffly turned around to see what was happening.

“The wind blew my bag!” I quickly said.

This excuse seemed to work and MIL turned back around. A continued to laugh and I continued to throw plastic eggs in the air, fixing the ones that came apart.

So that was my Easter. I really hope you guys had a fantastic Easter too! If anything crazy happened, I totally need to hear about it!!!