Hot Mess Memoir Middle School Chronicles- Part 1

I am having some major anxiety about my oldest, P, going to middle school this year. I have only 1 frame of reference and that frame of reference is mine. It’s bad; really bad. So I thought we would take a stroll down memory lane and I could regale you in my nightmare, I mean middle school history. I don’t know how many posts this is going to take. Tonight we are going to look at my current, introvert like ways.

Where I’m coming from

When I am an extrovert, I have a “go big or go home” mentality. We are laughing till we cry, I usually can’t feel my face and someone is going to vomit.  I come up with funny things that I didn’t even know could be formulated in my brain. It’s not uncommon for my husband to be doubled over in laughter on a Sunday night after I’ve explained my point of view on a few things.

But then there is the introvert side that occurs 80% of the time. I like to be by myself and quiet. I am, quiet frankly, more comfortable in this skin. I used to travel all over the U.S. opening stores for Express for about 5 years. I would mentally tell myself things like:

‘Ah man, I’m going to stay out late….” or “I’m going clubbin'” or “I’m going to x club when I get to NYC”

And I did go to clubs (hell, I even had a few words with Paris Hilton)  and I took my dinner over the boarder in Mexico. I partied at the Foundation Room in Vegas on top of the Mandalay Bay where no one could get in. I’ve been on 3 private jets and stayed  at hotels like The Shore Club, Empire Hotel and Soho Grande. Sometimes I’ve felt like Forest Gump, completely running into luck and being so completely out of place.

But I didn’t prefer the above. It was a struggle to get out to do all of that. Sure, once I was there, I was glad that I did it but 9 times out of 10 I would order room service, immediately change into my terry cloth robe and eat, till I couldn’t move. I was full, drunk and tired- Eureka!

Why am I telling you all this? Because I don’t know how to be popular and middle school REALLY sucked for me! I literally had 1 friend (we are still friends to this day) and I felt COMPLETELY isolated. I mean, I had what you could call acquaintances but they weren’t going to invite me over to sleepovers and honestly I didn’t want to have them over either.

The bangs

These girls were a hot mess. Their bangs and wings defied gravity. I was even worse as I spent the first year of middle school curling my bangs backwards instead of forwards. I couldn’t understand why my bangs didn’t look like the other girls. Mid 7th grade I realized my faux pas and began curling the proper way.

What I wore

I did not adhere to the middle school fashions of the late 80’s. No, I adhered to the late 80’s fashion of Wall Street. I kid you not. I dressed professionally for middle school. Yes, professionally. I was the female version of Alex P. Keaton. Please google this name if you have never heard it. You’ll be thankful that you did. I would take a giant scarf, throw it over my right shoulder and secure it with my belt that was over my black pencil skirt. I was a working girl in a time where girls had to be taken seriously.

Just to get out of middle school unharmed, I should have been wearing my palmetto jeans, my Chuck Taylors and whatever hot pink top I could find. I didn’t and that cost me the #1 spot of best dressed. Instead it went to this girl who always wore “safe” things like Eastlands and waffle sweaters from The Limited. Shes fat and miserable now by the way.

I have more to write about my middle school experience. This was kinda’ an intro and an appetizer of what I would like to write. Hope everyone is having a good  day!




Share the laughs with friends!

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