Roommate Search or Only Fans Audition?

Roommate Search

I’m not going to say I’m old but I’m at that age to have a senior in high school that’s off to college in the Fall. All my dreams of becoming a Southern Belle have come true as he’s attending a college in South Carolina. Upon planning for our tour of the campus, I practiced my best “bless your heart”, several times in the mirror. When packing, I needed the wardrobe to scream Steel Magnolias with just a touch of Reese Witherspoon.

“Suga’, you want some swa-ta tea?” I asked my son. 

“Why are you talking like that?” He asked annoyed.

“Just practicing.” 

Roommate Search

I joined the class of 2027 Facebook page of the college so I could meet other parents. Though I can read posts where parents are trying to find a suitable roommate, I can’t really get a feel for their child’s interest and if it would remotely be a match for my son. 

This is when I decided to head over to Instagram. According to my son, there was a group of incoming freshmen and they were using Instagram to find a roommate. After finding it, I began to scroll through the kids. Boys posted pics of them playing their favorite sport or hanging with friends. 

This Isn’t a Good Look Girls

For the girls, some had cute pictures of them, conveying their hobbies and friends. One girl used her senior photo while another posed with the family dog. You know, stuff normal people would post when looking for a roommate. Then there are the other girls. These girls were not only in bikinis but in poses that I’m pretty sure aren’t normal poses for a lazy day at the pool. 

One chick was bent over a balcony at night. She was wearing some low-cut, skin-tight, disco leotard, looking over her shoulder at the camera while her ass was the focal point. I screenshot that one and sent it to my friends with the caption, “I didn’t know JLo is going back to college.” 

Another girl looked absolutely ridiculous. She was slouching in a white plastic chair, sticking her tongue out at the camera. She had a bikini top on and jean shorts. But why not ho’ up the picture more than it already is, and have your shorts unzipped? 

Where Are the Parents?

Like where are their parents? And I get it, kids are sneaky with burner phones and social media accounts. I would love to know all the shit my son’s gotten away with. I’m not trying to sound like a nun, or a Karen, or Karen the Nun. What I’m saying is, don’t say you’re looking for a roommate when in reality, you’re lining up future fuck buddies. I swear to God, I’m going to get drunk one night and post the Instagram link on the parent’s page and tell them to clean it up! 

For the girls, I want to remind them that they’re not auditioning for Only Fans. You’re trying to find a roommate that you don’t want to kill after a week and doesn’t cook fish in the microwave. Save up all that slutty energy for your time in a sorority.

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