Why Paper Straws Suck

Paper Straws

Ok, I swear I’m not anti-environment, especially based on my last post: Zero Waste Grocery Store and Why They Won’t Work. I’m just stating what I think is practical and know what will and won’t work in today’s day and age. Can we just all agree paper straws were invented by the devil? And that I can come up with 50 things that are far more dangerous to sea turtles then plastic straws? I don’t know what it’s like in other countries but we had 1 sea turtle get a straw stuck up it’s nose and suddenly the country is in chaos, banning plastic straws as if they are on par with lead poisoning. Are these marine biologist blind to the other things that are in the ocean? Are you telling me there isn’t another thing shaped like a straw, floating around that could again go up their nose? No, you can’t.


Here’s the irony in all this. Companies market that they’re going green and only going to have paper straws. Well aren’t we a goody two-shoes. What they fail to tell you is that upon cleaning up your table, bar area, wherever you are, the paper straws are placed in plastic trash bags and sent off to the landfills. If the can liners make their way into the ocean, they can suffocate the same damn sea turtle. So what are we to do? Have paper trash bags? I can tell you that our plastic trash liners at home barely survive my families attempts to push the trash farther down as to not have to take the trash out. Good luck with that.

We’ve all had paper straws and they are the worst! They change the flavor of the drink. The straw tends to stick to your lips and lastly, it disintegrates into your drink and you have to get another straw. The cost difference of paper straws to plastic is astronomical (We’re talking $24/case vs $70/case) so when your customer is using two straws as opposed to one, costs go up. And by the way, I can speak intelligently about this topic as my career is buying disposable products and I buy both plastic and paper.

Stainless Steel Straws

Some folks have resorted to carrying their own stainless steel straws. Let me tell you what will happen in my life before I carry my own straw:

  • I’ll purchase and drive a minivan.
  • I will apply to work at Walmart.
  • I’ll allow either of my sons to sport a man bun.

So yeah, I don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t know if we just let this trend die out or we’re stuck with it. Do you mind paper straws?

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