My Typical Grocery Shopping Routine
I make sure I always go grocery shopping on Sundays with a full stomach and lots of energy. Before going, I plan out all the meals for the week using allrecipes.com. After checking what ingredients I have on hand, I then type in all the items I need on my phone. Next, I download e-coupons then carefully clip out paper ones that were sent to us. Because we spend 1 billion dollars a month there, they send me “best customer” coupons almost every week. I then paper clip my coupons, bid my family adieu and I’m off.
Once I’m at the grocery store, I carefully sanitize any part of the cart I will be touching before casually meandering through the aisles. Sometimes, I even indulge in browsing the magazine section for 10 whole minutes. Ohhh, naughty! In an organized fashion, I go up and down every aisle to ensure I get everything I need. I get all my dry goods first then it’s frozen to dairy to meat to deli to produce to ensure maximum freshness. As I select my goods, I place them in the cart in an extremely organized, meticulous fashion.
Once at checkout, I try to place like items with like items, hoping similar items will be bagged with similar items. Once checkout is complete, I hand the clerk my perfectly clipped coupons and this week is complete.
But because of the weather, I didn’t get a chance to grocery store on Sunday. So, I went tonight….after work….on an empty stomach. My goal was to get the bare minimum to get us to Sunday. I was anticipating about 25% of the usual load and here is my account.
Grocery Shopping Hangry
I mall-walked into the grocery store while checking my list. Once I grabbed a cart, I walked right past the Purell station and straight to the wine. I threw a box in the cart and pushed on. In the next aisle was a 200-year-old woman moving at the speed of snail, in the middle of the aisle. After saying “excuse me” 3 times, each more gradually desperate then the last, she finally realized someone was behind her.
I went through every aisle like it was the Indy-500. I threw shit in my cart left and right, not caring if it were organized or not. By 6:30 I was ready to gnaw off my own hand in hunger.
‘That’s it! I’m getting everything!’ I screamed in my head.
This is when things went really bad. I did the unthinkable and put 1/2 pound of $8, jarlsberg dip in my cart. I found 90% dark chocolate as well as 80% and 70%. Normally I get 1 loaf of bread each week. Tonight I got 1 loaf of white bread, 1 loaf of 3-cheese Italian bread, 1 loaf of Texas Toast and to round out my bread-around-the-world trip, 4 croissants.
At the deli, I had an external meltdown when a woman asked for 3 pounds of turkey. This was after her 5 other bags she already had of other meats and cheeses. Obviously she was opening a Subway. When the next woman asked to sample salami, it was out of my mouth before I could stop it,
“Jesus Christ,” I said as I put my head down on my cart. I must have said it too loud because she turned around and looked back at me then turned back around to the deli clerk and told her to forget the sample and that was all she needed.
I will let you live now ma’am.
The end all, icing on the cake was when I realized I was done and began to walk towards the check out lines. I took a path that could only fit 1 cart and that was a huge mistake as I was behind a man who was on his death-bed, barely walking forward. The time it would take to go around a floral fixture, he would still end up in front of me. I accepted I would be walking behind him for a while and fixed my eyes in a complete eye roll.
He then stopped and slowly turned around to look at me. He had oxygen tubes going in his nose and in a raspy voice said to me, and I shit you not, “I shouldn’t have stopped so fast.”
‘Keep your composure. He’s not the enemy, your hunger is. Just smile,’ I told myself.
And that’s what I did. I smiled at him then went around him. Once I got home, I was finally able to eat at 7 PM. I had a toasted ham and swiss croissant sandwich with a side of jarlsberg dip with crackers.
Your shopping process is very organised, I thought I was pretty good but you’re on a another level. As for your Hangry ship visit that was hilarious – I’m with you on old and slow people I sympathise but dammit why oh why do some other people move so slowly, do they love shopping so much they want to amble for hours? That get’s my pulse racing!
I think you must have forgotten to mention the wine you must have consumed with your meal – I can’t believe you didn’t have one lol
That’s b/c I didn’t have one….I had 3….and it was a few hours later since it makes me tired. Yes! I don’t see how anyone loves to grocery shop. Lemme’ guess, they love to cook the food they buy too? LOL!
I don’t mind cooking so much but I hate the shopping.
I don’t mind cooking either if it’s placing a frozen meal in the microwave and hitting 5. Ha! Do you have the shopping service over there at any grocery stores? It’s really nice. For just $5, they will gather all your groceries, you pull up and they place them in your trunk for you. The drawback? Sometimes they are out of something and don’t sub it or they get the wrong thing.
I like to cook and not just the microwave stuff lol.
We do have that over here and my problem with it is that despite spending loads of money it seems to do the job for the week and things are wrong. So I’m suspicious of it.
I could see why then.
☺️?
I love that you also spend 1 Billion dollars a month at the grocery store! When we lived in Michigan I spent an entire paycheck every month on food. We were not eating like Kings either. I always made a list and stuck to it, never went to the store Hangry(I too have shopped in that state, and it ain’t pretty). Still, 1 Billion a month! Now, in Germany my grocery bill is about 1/3 of what we paid in the States.
Wow! Why is it only 1/3rd? Ok, perhaps the 1 billion was a bit of an exaggeration but my average bill is around $180 a week. Boys eat soooo much! I feel like they open up the pantry and/or fridge every hour. And your right, we aren’t eating like kings either. There isn’t any filet mignon. It’s Taco Tuesday and pot roast.
I miss Taco Tuesday(we are still trying to locate some decent Mexican food here). The produce and grocery items are just so much cheaper to buy here. It really amazes me.
That really is amazing since America has the right climate to grow produce and you would think that would make it cheaper. Though working as a food buyer along with one of the best produce buyers in the US, I do hear of the issues. I never really thought of Mexican food in Germany but that’s silly for me to think when I think of all the various foods you can get here in the U.S. I’m sure there is a Taco Bell around there. Not that that is anywhere close to authentic. That’s almost American. LOL!
We did find a Taco Bell in the Netherlands, about an hour from our house! I wrote a blog post about it 🙂
That’s hilarious! Cause when I think Netherlands, I totally think Taco Bell! LOL!!
Well, think of all the “coffee shops” and then a need for Taco Bell really does make sense!
LOL!!!
So I literally just got back from my own weekly shop so this was the PERFECT time to read this post. We rock for lining up our lives haha!!!
Your organized trip sounds much like mine. I have a plan every week!! I shop on Thursday mornings because Fridays are my day off and when I don’t have it filled with appointments or dates (HA! As if…) I like to stay at home and not put on makeup or “real clothes” and just laze around my house. I’ve earned that day to laze. So usually Wednesday I make my list. I go to the same store every time and know the lay out. I also shop the outside ring first – the fruits/veggies, bread, meats, dairy, frozen. Then I head to the inside aisles to make up the rest of my basket. And then always go to the same cashier if she’s there because I love her and she is so nice.
But your hangry shop sounds hilarious! I love that the first thing you bought was wine. Why are the slow people always in front of us?! It’s a conspiracy I think.
This made me smile! And you touched on something I forgot to put in my organized trip, I try to go to the exact same one each week b/c I know that lay out. When I have to turn back around, it frustrates the hell out of me. Isn’t it great to get the groceries done and then have a whole day to veg? That’s of course when you aren’t out with one of your gentleman callers. LOL!!!
Lol!! Well I had 3 hours to veg cos now I’m at work and I just sent the text I’ve been dreading for like 2 weeks….kind of glad I did but kind of not. But soon kidlets will be here and I will have to push it to the back of my mind
Is it the text I’m thinking it is?
Yup! Im proud of myself for doing it!
Again, this is why I like to do grocery shopping spurts in the early morning hours. I do it right after breakfast, I allow myself to buy only enough to fit into one reusable shopping bag, and no one except for stockers are there to impede my shopping flow. It’s magical. But when I have to do a big shop, my #1 rule is never go hungry. I chalk it up to being a waste of money (and calories really) so I at least eat a couple spoons of peanut butter before the trip.
Ahh, peanut butter! I do that sometimes too. It curbs hunger, doesn’t it? Yes, you have an amazing plan to go early. There have been a few times I’m forced to go to the store before work and your right, it’s soooo empty! Love it! I’ve never heard of the trick of filling up just your reusable bag. That is a really good idea!
I mainly do it because I suck at planning my meals ahead of time, so the morning trips are usually to pick up a few things I don’t already have on hand.
That makes sense. I’m a short order cook with the world’s pickiest kids so until they expand their pallet, I have to get everything on Sundays.