Cleaning House Shinanigans

cleaning

When it’s time to clean the house you would think I asked my family to build an addition on to the home. Suddenly the boys are throwing themselves on the floor in a complete meltdown, including my husband. The whining is quiet comical….

We just cleaned last week! 

This is the first day of summer vacation! 

I need to relax! I had school and practice this week! 

The truth of the matter is, I don’t want to clean either. I too am having an adult meltdown internally. I have 4 million other things I would rather be doing then cleaning this shit hole. Last month we temporarily suspended our man maid to save some money. He hasn’t been doing a great job lately and I found myself going back over some of his work.

Cleaning Preparation

At 9 a.m. I announce, “Ok boys, at 10:30 we are going to start cleaning.”

10:30 comes and goes.

“Ok, boys, we didn’t quiet make that deadline. At 11:30, we clean!”

At 11:30 I think,’well crap it’s lunchtime. We can’t work on empty stomachs.’

As you can see, I too am stalling just as much as my children.

My husband shuffles over to me, rolling his eyes.

“Okkkk,” he let’s out defeated. “What do I have to do?”

This question always infuriates me. You are a grown-ass man who clearly can see. Look around, what do you think you have to do? And like a parent, giving your child carefully selected choices, I say,

“Pick your poison. The entire house is trashed.”

And does this inspire him to pick up a mop? Does he start tearing the sheets off the bed? No. His next move, is to go outside. Apparently “cleaning the house” includes the garage.

The Cleaning

I’m still vacuuming the sofa when my 8-year-old comes down after just 15 minutes and announces he’s done cleaning his room. His room was trashed and part of their jobs were to vacuum, dust, put all their clothes away and rip the sheets off the bunks so I could put fresh sheets on. I follow him up to inspect but first I peer inside my 12-year-old’s room to check his progress. He’s busily texting on his phone. I decide not to intervene as perhaps it’s just 1 text.

What I walk into is still a disaster. Here is what “cleaning his room” looked like:

  • 2 bowls on a ledge, 1 bowl in the crevice between his mattress and the wooden guards.
  • A 1/2 drank Gatorade bottle and a rice crispie treat  wrapper on his nightstand.
  • Clothes all over the top of his desk.
  • All other “junk” hidden underneath his little bean bag chair.

“C, this room isn’t clean yet. You’ve got trash still laying around, bowls up on the ledge and clothes all over your desk!”

“You didn’t say clean my desk!”

This pisses me off even more because this is a conversation we have on a weekly basis. Apparently, if I don’t specify which pieces of furniture to clean, then they aren’t part of his room.

“Why are you making us clean on the first day of summer break?” He questions.

“Because the house needs cleaned!”

“But this is ruining our Saturday!” He whines.

My anger is boiling over by now and I begin to flip out.

“Tell ya’ what C, how ’bout after I work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I come home and do ALL the cleaning while you and your brother do nothing since your on summer break?”

“We do do something. You give us chores everyday during the summer!” He retorts.

I need to keep it together because I’m about to loose my shit. The daily “chores” he’s referring to usually look like this:

  • make your bed
  • brush your teeth
  • pull weeds in the front
  • organize the Tupperware drawer

These tasks take a combined total of 20-30 minutes in which they now have the rest of the day to play. I know, I’m so evil.

Getting my family to clean the house is SOUL SUCKING. I am convinced this is paybacks for my poor behavior with my dad who wanted to clean every Saturday morning. I would roll my eyes and sulk at every task I was given. God I can’t wait till my boys have kids. I think I’ll come over on cleaning day, grab a glass of wine and watch the train wreck unfold.

 

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