When I started my job last year, I discovered ants in my cubicle about 3 weeks into the job. They called an exterminater and eventually they were gone.
Total Ant Annihilation
Today, those little ass holes turned up again. Below is a timeline of my interaction with them and my attempts to murder them.
10:00 am- I grab a tissue and declare it the ant graveyard. I am the grim reaper of ants! For the next 7 hours, I kill 20-30 ants and leave their carcasses on the tissue for display, thinking this will deter them if they see their fallen brethrens. Unfortunately, it looked like a snot rag to anyone that stopped by.
12:00 pm- I must hold my leftover pizza while eating as I can’t put it down on my desk thanks to the ant party happening next to my mouse.
12:15 pm- I develop what I feel is a full-proof plan to trap all the ants, in all the land. I flip over 2 pieces of tape to expose the sticky side, and sprinkle crumbs of my pizza on it for bate. I even ensure the little pieces are tiny enough for their mouths.
2:00 pm- Not 1 fuckin’ ant, not one. I change tactics as I notice the majority of the ants are coming via the crack in my desk. Pulling out a long piece of tape, I tape the crack. I picture all these ants coming to what they think is the surface of their city, but it’s not. It’s my tape. Your caught in the crack motha’ fucka’.
3:07 pm- I’m considering medieval tactics. I honestly consider grabbing a box of toothpicks and for every ant that crosses my desk, I kill it then put their little bodies on the toothpick and display the toothpick as a warning to all future ants. Barbaric but this is the world we live in now.
4:30 pm- I’m bat shit crazy. I’ve had to navigate a typical busy Monday, guard my food like it was about to be roofied and kill every ant that walks by. It’s marshall law now bitches.
I announce to all the ants……
ANY ANT THAT CHOOSES TO WALK ON MY DESK WILL BE TAPED IMMEDIATELY TO MY DESK. I WILL GRAB A PIECE OF TAPE AND TAPE YOU TO THE SURFACE OF MY DESK AND WATCH YOU SUFFOCATE. DON’T FUCK WITH ME.
And for the next 30 minutes, that’s exactly what I did. I taped them to my desk like an absolute crazy person. Fortunately, no one came over to see this. By now, all the ants have had time to meet and decide on their tactics for Tuesday and how they plan to taunt me. All I have to say is bring it bitches, I’m bringing in my OFF clip tomorrow.
Omg… I’m dying. I’m dead. ???
Why can’t they just move you to another cubical?
I wish. There are 0 cubes available. We move into a new building late July thank God. And btw, don’t die! I need all the anti-crusaders I can find. I can’t do it alone.
So glad to hear y’all are going to move into a new building soon. They better put you in the Presidential cubby for all the ants you’ve had to deal with. And yes, I won’t die just so I can give you all the immoral support. Haha!
Immoral support. Ha! Today on Twitter I am posting how many ants I’ve already killed in 1 hour….oh and their place of rest.
When you’ve got a dozen ants taped down today, you should take a pic so we can all see and then you can use it as a bargaining chip in ensuring you get the best cubby at the new place.
Not a bad idea. I already posted the ant graveyard.
OH NO!! LOL mix borax with some icing sugar and apparently it will make them explode. Or something like that…google knows
Thats certainly more exciting then the exterminator but darn it’s hes already been here. I got rid of the ant cemetery too.
My brother did a version of it by mixing borax with syrup from a can of fruit (he ate the fruit first) and his roommate was living in the basement and could literally hear them dying lol. But I think it works with baking soda (or powder) and powdered sugar – they can’t separate the sugar from the baking soda/powder and it reacts with their stomach acid and makes them explode.
Telling the ants watch out bitches! ? so relatable.
my revenge came yesterday when the terminex guy arrived and put down baiting and spraying all over my cubicle. Sure I probably have 20 forms of cancer now but at least those little assholes will be dead soon.
We have ants AND mice. And we’re pretty sure a bat in the ceiling. My team is ready to torch the place….
Shut the hell up! Ants, mice and a bat? Are you in a Transylvania castle or something? Horrible!
Ha, no…we’re just in the sticks. We had a turkey on our roof a couple years back too. Eventually had to have him evicted….