Words That Must Have Been Created By Drunk People

I have decided that there are certain words that had to of been created while one enjoyed the drink. I mean, the below words usually mean the opposite or something entirely different. Here is the list I have created from ones that I’ve run into.

LADYBUG: They really need a gender neutral new name for this insect like personbug. But I guess that’s not possible because a ladybug isn’t a person now is it? So maybe insectbug? No, that doesn’t make sense either. Ok, how about based on gender we do ladybug or gentlemanbug?

HEARTBURN: I got this a lot while pregnant. Why do they call it heartburn when it has nothing to do with the heart? You essentially want to cut off your upper torso.

POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE MEDICAL TEST RESULT: This was the conversation I had with my oldest’s doctor 12 hours ago, regarding an x-ray we had on his foot last Friday:

“Hi Dr. Short, thank you for calling me back. Sooo…..is it broken?”

“Oh, your welcome. It’s negative.”

“Sooo…..does that mean it’s broken? Sorry, I never really get the whole positive versus negative thing.”

“It’s not fractured,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.

Why can’t they just say that? Additionally, what if you test positive for something bad? I see no positivity in strep throat.

DINNER: This always happened at my grandmother’s. We would have dinner at 12. This threw me off since we lived where there was a population greater than 75 so lunch was at noon and dinner at 6. I’m not a farmer here grandma!

SICK: Because my husband occasionally brings out his inner 14 year old (and I’ve heard other adults say this), he’ll sometimes refer to something as sick. It’s so bad that just hearing the word in it’s true meaning, elicits an eye roll from me. Similar words include dope and bad (when really good). Now I’ve used bad ass but that doesn’t count as ass tells you that it’s awesome. See my logic?

EXECUTE: I get that this word means to do something, but man, I honestly think of those old time executioners with a leather mask on about to execute someone. I get it, it’s just me being weird or something.

MORNING SICKNESS: This is perhaps my favorite as this is the BIGGEST SCAM IN THE WORLD. You are sick morning noon and night. In addition to being sick at all hours of the day, you are also more prone to heart burn (please see nonsense above).

I know I have more but I can’t think of them right now. Help me out! What words should be completely changed in your book?

 

 

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