Unexpected College Advice

unexpected college advice

We’re in the thick of graduation parties. On a day I thought we had 1 party, turns out, we had 4 parties. We had to make all 4 parties within 3 hours but we had a sweet game plan that included 30-45 minutes at each party, depending on if alcohol was offered.

The first graduation party was for my son’s oldest friend. He had known him for a decade and it was bittersweet knowing that this little kid who was in boy scouts at one point, was heading off to college in the fall. His sister was going into her 3rd year of college in Alabama but had returned to support her brother. I remember her being a kid too and now she’s turned into a beautiful young woman.

As we sat at a table asking the future college freshman questions, my husband turned to his older sister and posed what I thought a very practical question.

“Sarah, what would be your number one piece of advice you’d give Robert on what not to do?”

I had spoken to parents of college kids and got their advice on what to pack and other tips but have never had the opportunity to ask a current college kid advice. Again, smart, but I won’t admit that later.

I honestly thought she would list the typical shit like, “don’t start skipping classes,” or “don’t forget a pair of flip-flops for the shower.”

Without hesitation, her advice was:

“Don’t do cocaine!”

Esqueze me? Come again? 

Her friend, also in college, validated this advice.

“Absolutely, don’t ever do cocaine,” she said, shaking her head vigorously.

Although the joker in me wanted to add in “…off a strippers ass,” I simply could not.

Don’t Do Cocaine, Isn’t that a Given and Not Advice?

cocaineNot doing cocaine, isn’t that a given? In my mind, telling someone not to do cocaine is on par with telling them not to take a bath with a plugged-in electrical appliance. Like that’s one of those no-brainers unless you’ve had a lobotomy, facts of life, you don’t fuckin’ do cocaine!

I went to a dark place, thinking of every worst-case scenario, every horrible thing I’ve heard on the news and read. I would tell my son how students bought adderall on the internet, only to die from it because it was fentanyal. I also imagined scenes from Boogie Nights where Eddie Adams was giving a man head so he could get more coke. Or Penelope Cruz in the movie Blow where she got down to like 80 pounds with her addiction.

My Naive Little Mind

Here’s what I thought the biggest dangers were, for college:

  • Alcohol
  • Hazing
  • Weed
  • Meningitis

Honestly, that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. Now this ass hole has opened up a whole new world of worries for me. Am I being ridiculous? Should I calm the fuck down? Let me know because I need some feedback here.


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