I am over my commute. I’m sure I’ll say it 50 million more times but until then, today is the day I’m done with my commute. I have a 31-mile drive but because our state transportation department is run by ferrets, it’s a 50-minute drive each way. Now I’ve done several how to be a decent human being posts such as with texting. I’ve also done ones for in the restroom and at the grocery store. Why I’ve never done one for being a driver is beyond me. Enjoy!

10 Ways to Be a Decent Human Being While Driving

1. Under no circumstance do you get into an accident….ever! Your accident affects hundreds, if not thousands of people. And why? Because you looked down at your phone and ran into the car in front of you? There are so many accidents these days that my sympathy has simply turned into frustration. Pay attention because your adding hours to my commute each week.
2. Do not sit your ass in the passing lane at or below the speed limit, ever. It’s called a passing lane for a reason. If someone is behind you that clearly wants to go faster than you, move over!
3. If it’s rush hour, do not allow a 4-5 car space between you and the car in front of you. I’m not saying ride his ass but your Sunday drive isn’t my Sunday drive. It always amazes me when I use the third lane to get around the two lanes where both cars are driving parallel with each other only to find a massive, wide-open space before them. Again, get over!!!!
4. If the speed limit is 35, do not go 28. You will have an entire caravan of cars behind you just because you’re either oblivious or feel that 35 mph is just for daredevils. I was late for my son’s soccer game yesterday because some ass hole was taking his Sunday drive on a Thursday night.
5. Just because you have tinted windows, a 2′ spoiler and gold rim hub caps doesn’t mean you’re a badass and can go 95. Ass holes like this need to refer to the first issue I wrote above because that is just the making of an accident.
6. Every evening I take the outer belt all the way around to a new highway. The lane that feeds into the new highway is normally backed up by about two miles. And why? Because 50% of the people in this lane are taking their sweet-ass time, again, leaving a distance of like 3 cars ahead of them. No wonder it takes so long. So you know what I do? I wait till I am .5 miles away from the final exit and go in front of one of these slow people.
7. If I were president, I would prohibit trucks on the roadways between the hours of 6-9 a.m. and 4:30-6:30 p.m. Could you imagine how much less congestion there would be? In America, there has been a strict regulation inforced about truckers and their hours worked since they were driving all sorts of crazy hours. How about that time is nap time for all truckers? Hot Mess for President 2020!
8. Do not ride my ass like a psychopath. Unless you have a pregnant woman in the passenger seat about to give birth, get off my ass.
9. Stay in your lane bru! Sometimes it’s so bad I question if the people are drunk. They start in the middle lane then meander over to the left, then back to the middle lane then meander over to the right lane. Can you even see over the steering wheel? What are you doing?
10. No one wants to hear your crappy music. And by the way, I wish deafness upon you for having it up that ridiculously loud. My favorite is when people get tinted windows because they want to seem mysterious but then they blare their music with the window half-way down for a “look at me” moment. Get over it. For shits and giggles I want someone to blare classical music with their tinted window half-way down and see how many looks they get. Rockin’ out to it would be optional.

What did I miss you guys? You gotta have something I missed. Add it to the comments so I can kick myself for missing it!

P.S. As some of you have read in It’s All Fun and Games Till Your Father is the Ghost, I’ve decided to go into my father’s old restaurant this evening with the paranormal experts for a second investigation. It will be tonight, 11:30 p.m. EST. on Facebook live. Please join my sister and me as we attempt to make sense of all of this!

P.P.S. Scared shitless!