This post is exactly what the title says, a rage post. Its 9:20 in the morning and this is what I’m looking at, 40 minutes before my son’s soccer game starts.
It all started when my husband and I disagreed this morning about if it’s okay to leave a nine-year-old home alone. He thinks it’s completely okay and I think it’s completely not. The temperature right now is about 34 degrees and where this game is, its super windy so his concern was that the nine-year-old would be extremely cold and/or bored. My concern was that any crazy psycho could come to our house and kidnap our son.
Right before we were ready to leave my oldest said to me, “you can just stay home if you want.”
Then under his breath he added, “you don’t come inside for any of my practices anyway.”
“Excuse me? What did you just say?” I asked. I knew what he said, I was just allowing time to process the anger.
“You don’t come inside and watch me practice.”
“Dude, none of the parents come inside. In fact, they just drop your teammates off. I at least sit in the parking lot.”
“That’s not true.”
This is when he was clearly lying and it was pissing me off. I would say out of about 15 team members, maybe 3 dads go in and even then, they are bullshitting with each other. Aside from the parent(s) that eat, sleep and breathe soccer (obviously, not me), everyone just drops their kid off or stays in their car. There isn’t even a track around the gym where parents could get steps in. Your only option is to just sit there.
His declaration made me fume inside. I wanted to scream at him, “Sorry if I don’t want to go inside and for an hour and a half, sit on a bench, the width of a popsicle stick, not to mention the padding of one. Sorry if I don’t want to dodge the 3-4 balls that will inevitably come at my face. Sorry if after an 8 hour workday and a 1.5 hour commute, I prefer to sit in the solitude of a warm, quiet car and blog, allowing a little me time, even if it is in a parking lot. Sorry if driving you 30 miles each way, right after Taco Tuesday from our home, isn’t enough for you. SORRY! SORRY! SORRY!!!!”
Absolution
My absolution came in the form of a brief discussion just 30 minutes after I had taken that picture above, for you guys. I was sitting on the bleachers as the soccer game was about to begin. I looked like I was wearing a red burka as the only thing you could see were my eyes. It was fuckin’ cold and had hand warmers in my gloves, bra and shoes. In addition to my t-shirt, sweatshirt, down coat, denim and boots, I also wore 2 blankets. As long as I didn’t make any drastic moves, I was pretty warm.
“You know, I haven’t even met the new coach,” the mom leaned over and disclosed. “The nanny drops G off at practice so I totally don’t have any idea of what’s going on.”
“Ohhhh rrrreeeaaaallllyyyyyy?” I asked conspiratorially. “Tell me, does G ever say how many parents are in there, watchin’ the practice?”
“Oh…” She trailed off for a moment. “He said only like 2 or 3.”
“Is that so?” I said, grinning under my blanket that I realized smelled like ass and had no business that close to my face. “Thank you. I’ll let P know G said that. According to P, every couple is in attendance, eagerly watching their child practice.”
“Yeah right,” the mom said rolling her eyes.
Oooh I bet you couldn’t wait to impart that knowledge! Bless you sounds like a cold miserable time for you – if you can get some blogging time in then everyone is (slightly) happy!!
EXACTLY! Thank you! You know what I’m talking about. I just think kids have no idea how much we do for them and exuce-moi if I want a little alone time.
Mate. Firstly, I’m with you rather than your husband. 9 is far too young to leave a kid alone. Even if they’re a sensible kid. Secondly, 30 FRIGGING MILES EACH WAY! I’d expect a LOT of presents on Mother’s Day for that chore alone. Thirdly, hand warmers in your bra? Nice. I’m remembering that one for the next the U.K. freezes over. Lastly, children definitely know how to make us feel guilty or to push our buttons. One day. ONE DAY, he’ll appreciate everything you did for me.
…I meant for HIM. You definitely haven’t driven me 30 miles to play soccer. Thank fuck.
LOL!!!!
Thank you! I knew I was right, as usual ;). But yes, 9-year-old is waaayyyy too young. And the worst thing? The thing I didn’t put in my post? I text him twice and called him twice, no response. I had to have a neighbor walk down and check on him! I was PISSED!!!!
Oh my God! I would have been freaking too. Kids!
I really do not get the parents that go to the practices. It’s for the kids, not for the parent. Parents need to have lives of their own that aren’t completely tied to their children. I get going to see the games, that makes sense. But practice, come on. We are creating children that will be adults that can’t do anything without someone there to support them…far from what real like is like. OK, my rant is over. Glad you didn’t freeze to death out there!!
Thank you Cheri and you are 100% right and I’m keeping to that philosophy, no matter if he thinks I’m an ass hole. I am at 95% of the games and the only time I’m not is if the youngest has a game at the same time. We do need to have our own lives. You know whats funny? About 2 hours ago, I was waiting on Southwest Airlines to respond to me on Twitter and he saw someone had retweet this post. That was the point he was ticked. That is also the point I told him about his teammate and his mother who left the nanny to always drop him off. I don’t even want to hear it!
I wonder why he wants you to come in to the practice? I’d probably have a similar reaction if I thought my kid wasn’t really “getting” that this practice is a privilege not a right. But, I’m curious if he’s got some other thought. Maybe he wants to show off his cool mom to his friends? Or maybe he was just being a a little turd. . . Good for you that you got out of the car and watched the game even though you were mad!
On the subject of leaving a 9yr old home alone–There is a handy PDF online to give some guidelines. I’d leave my 8yr old home alone for up to about an hour or so. We tested this theory out when we went on a family cruise and left him in the room for a few hours so he could chill out and we could wander around the ship. He didn’t open the door–even for his grandmother! So we felt pretty safe that he’d do the right things. I think it depends on the kid and for sure, your comfort level. What did you end up doing for the game?
I will always watch the game. No matter sleet, rain or snow and believe me, I’ve sat through all of them, many times over. The 9 year old, like I told Cheri, something I didn’t put in my post is that I text and called him twice. He didn’t respond to either. I had to have the neighbor go check on him. I vowed he would never stay home again. I know he will but still.
oh man. That would be tough–I’d be in panic mode. I totally get it.
I can’t wait to drop and run!
And I know that only the die hard sports fan types stay to our training sessions!
I’m totally on your side with this!
Thank you! It makes me feel so much better the love I’ve gotten in these comments, proving I’m not a heartless Joan Crawford.
I shall be doing it tonight as it happens, as Lil Man’s Cricket training! You are most definitely not alone!!! <3
Thank you Ritu!
Are you gonna let him know he’s now a wend by you?
I hope you managed to stay warm.
EXACTLY! And I did stay warm, after wearing my burka like get-up on the forzen bleachers!
I’m with you on leaving the nine year old home by himself. It’s too young. We just started leaving the kids by themselves but they’re thirteen and eleven almost twelve. I know exactly how you feel, needing a little time to just sit and have some uninterrupted you time. Don’t feel bad about that. You’re a better mom when you get it. At least I am. It’s okay to take care of you. <3
Thank you sooo much! I almost want my 12-year-old to read this and I’ll be like, “See! See! I’m not the ass hole you think I am. I support you ALL THE TIME and the fact I don’t watch your practices bear nothing on my parenting skills. So suck it.” Ok, that last sentence may have been too much but you catch my drift!?!?
I sure do!
9 is too young, but not because of kidnappers; it’s because a 9 year-old, left to his own devices, will suddenly discover a burning need to do something so colossally stupid that it never occurred to you to warn him not to do it. And you won’t be there to tell him it’s a bad idea to juggle knives under the ceiling fan, or shave his eyelashes, or cut electrical cords with the dog’s nail clippers. (If I sound like a raving lunatic, know that the voice of experience tends to rave like that.)
Also, my inner cynic wants to put money on P claiming that Other Kid’s mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but maybe he’ll just roll his eyes and feel lucky to have dragged you out in the cold once.
You are so right with the 9 year old. OMG, that is so freakin’ funny….and so true. I laughed out loud reading this. Unfortunately, I am in the cold at AT EVERY SINGLE GAME. Like I am the only mom at pretty much almost all the games for P. The only time I won’t be at one of the boys’ games? When the other one has a game and I have to take him.
I stayed alone at 9, but not for very long, and i had two older siblings who were 4 and 6 years older than me, so I was 9 but thought I was 12…. I do think it depends on the kid. Saturday mornings when all I wanted to do was watch tv and make Lipton soup? My parents were very happy to have a few hours they could trust me. But- that depends on the kid it depends on the parent and I honestly think most kids now a days are not brought up to be self reliant in a way that they won’t do something really dumb. So your husband is thinking about himself at 9, not his child.
As for going in for soccer. I think you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I think maybe you need a punch card, you go in and watch once every 3 practices, because then he feels supported but also doesn’t get all ‘eyeroll’ that you’re that mom who has to cheer and be at everything because then you would also be OMG so embarrassing, but I think you should take this as a bit of a compliment. To be honest, he obviously wants you to come in and see him play a bit, which means he doesn’t think you’re a terribly dressed crazy mom. He thinks you make mom-hood look good. That’s a big plus. But don’t show up all the time. And never make eye contact or talk to him with his friends. Oh man… have you seen that part of modern family where Claire realizes her daughter is manipulating her and just liquifies her with embarrassment ? Yeh. Someday you may get to do that, but for now I’m just gonna take that guilt trip as his way of saying he wants to be seen.
https://youtu.be/8gr87s8ScCU
To clarify, my siblings were often not home either, I was really alone. They would sleep over at friends houses and Saturday was the day I had the House to myself in the morning
Be careful with the hand warmers. Walmart has a multi million dollar lawsuit against them and the brand ‘hothands’ because a woman put the warmers in her clothes and got 2nd degree burns. The safety info says to always have a layer of cloth between you and the pad because your skin may not be able to feel that it’s burning. Just be careful. (Also- being a product person is weird. I know way too much about so many dumb raNdom things)
Nothing gets me fuming more quickly than when they seem unappreciative. Its the quickest way to see me lose my shit
… Or you could start going to his practices dressing like one of the other white trash mothers and cheering for him obnoxiously. Obviously he wants all of your attention (and then some), so why don’t you give it to him?
I can see it now… “P! P! He’s our man! If he can’t do it, no one can!”
The only time my mom was at one of my volleyball practices was when she came towards the end with Slurpees for everyone.
I understand all of this except 30 mi being a ‘long’ drive… takes me that long to get anywhere but a truck stop! I guess everything’s crammed tight together up north