I can barely move my legs; they hurt so bad. This is somewhat of a wake up call that I need to A. continue my diet and B. exercise. Tonight was our parents vs. kids soccer game with my 8 year old-C. I decided to go all out so I hit the thrift store yesterday and scored an old-school pair of shorts and an Ohio State Soccer t-shirt for $4.50. I finished off the look with a thick white headband from The Walmart.
The Soccer Game
After arriving at the field, I asked my friend to take this picture. Do you like it?
The game began and my main goal was to not get hit in the nose with the ball. Seeing that I have a roman nose, and it protrudes farther than most, this allowed it to be an easier target. And that hurts like mad to get hit in the nose. I was however secretly praying for a concussion as this would afford me 3-4 days off work.
At one point, the boys had a penalty kick. Since I don’t have balls (no pun intended) but wanted to “act the part”, here is how I stood. I look like I’m 80 in this pic from the way I squished my face up. I’m pleased to say I did not get hit in the face…..or balls.
The Soccer Halftime Show
Again, because I could give 2 shits about winning, I thought halftime would be a good time for another photo-op. I now appreciate the cheesiness of sport pictures children have to take. I decided to recreate a few….and someone photo bombed it…..
The Soccer Second Half
The second half began and I was kinda done. I ran for like 3 seconds and suddenly my thighs began to burn. ‘Holy shit, I’m out of shape,’ I thought as I bent over to catch my breath. I don’t even smoke! Like a kid on a road trip, I began to ask the “ref” every 4 minutes how much more time was left. When I was sure we only had 2 minutes, she informed me we actually had 10. 10? What the hell? Here is a pic of her taking a yellow card out of her bra at one point. Hilarious!
To sum up, I am SO BAD AT SOCCER IT HURTS. I am that person everyone doesn’t want on their team. When the whistle blew and the game was over, everyone kept playing. Not me. I was done. I announced the game is over and I would now be the photographer’s (my friend) assistant. Not surprisingly, no one argued being down a whole player as I exited the field. The kids beat us by 1 point….oh sorry….goal.
I do sports. I do sports real good.
My son questioning if we are really related.
Dying! Love this so much.
Oh, Im so glad! This was fun writing!
You would never find me on a soccer field. I refuse to play a sport that requires that much running, so kudos to you!!
I played volleyball in high school, which consists of maybe 40% running. Not so bad… but my stupid coach made us run a mile every week for practice. I’m pretty sure she was the spawn of Satan.
Most coaches are. I stopped playing volley ball the day I was hit in the face.
The only time I was hit in the face was by my coach… now I know she hated me!!
Woah….with her hand?
Not quite. She hit the ball as hard as she could for me to dig, and it smacked me square in the face; caused my nose to bleed.
Oh no! Thats terrible! What a hag!
LMAO. Did you have fun though?
Yes! Munch’s team should do this! You’d have a blast!
Girl, I’d probably have a glass of wine in one hand and my phone in the other. Munch would be so embarrassed. LOL, I’ll talk to the coach.
Now this I gotta see! If you do, I need pics. I washed down the ibuprofen later that night with wine!
LMAO.
This is AUH-MAZING! The pictures are awesome too! Way to ham it up 😉
Thank you!! That was what I was going for! The cheesier, the better, ya know?’
Absolutely! You should be proud of what you accomplished haha
I accomplished embarrassing my son, myself and the entire soccer world. Additi
I wasnt done commenting. I additionally accomplished sore muscles and the realization I need to work out. ???
I was on the trampoline yesterday with the kidlets and realised the same thing (the workout thing)
I am eating french fries right now. Please don’t judge!
no judgement here! I had tater tots for lunch…
You are an amazing player and a humor artist.
Ahh, you just haven’t seen the video yet of how bad I am at soccer. ???. That might be next. I’ll take your compliment about the humor artist! Thank you!!
Welcome !! 🙂
This is so funny! Soccer looks pretty straight forward but its more challenging than it seems, i’m glad you had fun though! Don’t feel bad my mom coached for a few years when i was a child and had absolutely no clue about soccer at all haha xo
Thank you! Yeah…it’s confirmed my children did NOT get their athletic ability from me! Lol!! That’s love right there! For your mom to coach? OMG!
This is AMAZING! You have done our national sport proud, lovely lady! ❤❤
Ha, thank you! Too funny! England totally needs to adopt headbands for games! How funny would that be? ???
That would be fantastic!
Funny post. Love the photos!
So glad you liked this! They were fun to find!!