I’m currently sitting at a picnic table in what I’m certain is the waiting room of hell. I’m at an indoor trampoline park about 10 miles from my house. Showing precaution for once in my life, I decided to bring ear plugs. I have the ear plugs crammed so far down my ear canals right now that I’m probably going to burst my ear drums.
This place is a fucking nightmare on so many levels. Let’s start with the music, it’s blaring as if we’re in a 90’s disco. Apparently the screams of 200 children wasn’t enough stimulation for the owner/operator. The walls are purple and green while the flooring is this coordinated number:
Parents Area
The parents area is reminiscent of a planned parenthood waiting room. It contains 3 long, futon-looking sofas painted, you guessed it, purple and yellow. Rather than placing the sofas up against the wall with the 4 outlets so people could charge phones and laptops, they opted to make a rectangle with the sofas. There is one broken massage chair on one side of the sofas and I’m confident this woman is NEVER going to leave. She bothers me because it’s the one seat closest to the outlets.
Free Wifi
And did I mention that Get Air was built in a fortified bomb shelter? It’s really in a shopping center but there’s 0 reception for phones or internet.
“Hot Mess, why don’t you use their free wi-fi? It’s 2019, surely there’s wi-fi?”
Yes, there’s free wi-fi. Free wi-fi that doesn’t work. The only thing I can do, electronic wise, is send texts.
The Table
As I mentioned, I was sitting at the only picnic table in the place. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, a family that clearly didn’t want to pay for a birthday room, brought 6 Little Caesar pizzas in and plopped down the entire family, at my table. As they got up and down, the table shook, which annoyed me to no end. They kept inching into the small space I had carved out at the table. It was like I was the intruder. First of all, I was pissed the management didn’t inform them it’s not ok to bring in their own food. Then again, even the grandmother looked like she could bitch slap me, on to a trampoline so it was probably best not to stop them.
Other annoying things this family did? At one point, a little girl decided to sit on my coat while eating her pizza. Again, I was at their table. The matriarch of the family placed her open water bottle 5″ from my laptop, making me cringe that she was going to spill it on the keyboard.
‘I’m not moving, I was here first,’ I told myself.
By a miracle, the lady lounging in the massage chair decided to get up. I raced over to claim it. They could have the stupid picnic table, I was going to charge my dying laptop.
More Time?
After 56 minutes, I gathered up all my stuff, anticipating the announcement that if you had a blue wristband, your time was over. Like clockwork, the announcement came. My son and his friend did not.
‘Play it cool Angela, he’s havin’ a good time,’ I said to myself.
By now I had parked myself by a net to look for Carter and his friend. I looked over to find this sign on the wall. Have they had that much of a problem in the past that they needed to put a no vaping sign up? Classy.
I waited patiently for 1 hour and 15 minutes until I couldn’t take it anymore. I walked over to the front desk and ask that they call blue again. When this didn’t provide the intended results, I resorted to marching into the trampoline area and scream my son’s last name. At last, I had proof of life.
On our way out, Carter announced that we need to come here all the time. His friend adamantly agreed. Though I had a smile plastered on my face like a Stepford Wife, shaking my head in agreement, here is what was really going on in my head:
‘This will NEVER happen again. It will be a cold day in hell before I come back here. You want to come back? Better hope one of your friends host their birthday here.’
Sounds like a really nice place… for the kids. What is it about WiFi in these places? It’s always useless.
Right?!?! It’s 2019 and I can’t get reception? Even if their wifi didn’t work, I wanted to rely on my mobile company to offer service. And service from others must have worked b/c people were using their cell phones.
I’m not sure… I think people play on their phones service or not these days. 😉
Haha LOVE THIS! Our indoor trampoline centre is like an ice box, the kids keep stripping another layer of clothing off as they sweat buckets bouncing all over the place while you look at said jumper/top/trousers wondering if you’ve shivered off enough weight to fit into your kids clothes! Hate. It! x
Thank you! And doesn’t these places feel so dirty? Like you need to shower immediately upon returning home? So gross!!
I was always upset when my parents never let me have a big birthday party at places like that. The rule in my house was I could have a party at home with lots of friends or I could go do something with one person. And my last party was my 10th. I invited my one friend, we went swimming, and then ordered pizza and rented a movie.Woooooo lol
But now, being a nanny, and a grown up, omg I TOTALLY get it! I’d hate to have to go to those places all the time. It’s too expensive and too noisy and after 10 minutes I’m ready to go home.
YAASSS! And I feel so guilty when I feel this way (wanting to leave asap) but it’s not enjoyable or fiscally responsible as an adult to go to these placed. I hope that in the future, the only reason I have to go is to drop him off for a friend’s birthday party. Let some other dumb ass experience this nightmare.
LOL oh my god what a fucking NIGHTMARE!!! I passsssss but can we talk about these ear plugs?! Why have I never thought of this for my social anxiety?! Lol I get so overwhelmed in places like this the ground could just swallow me whole and it would be a happy death. Oh the things we do for these little beasts we birth. Lol ?
Yes, earplugs are a MUST! My husband snores like a 500 pound man so I have disposable ones I get at the grocery store. I keep a set downstairs too so when I’m trying to write and the boys are watching football and screaming, I insert them. If I forget my earplugs during weekend soccer trips, I have to go to the grocery store and buy a pack.
Lol! I’m getting some ASAP! Thanks for the idea!
When you do get them, look at the back of the box to ensure you are getting the highest decibel (I think that’s what they call it). Funny thing, my grocery generic brand provides greater protection over the name brand (Mack).
I took Fella to one of these for his 30th birthday. We timed it right though by going before school let out, so for the first hour or so, we practically had the place to ourselves. I don’t know about the one you have, but since I live in a college town, my tramp park offers 18+ late night jumps and they have a ninja warrior type obstacle competition. Could be a fun girls night… 🙂
Yes, I’m sure it’s fun when there aren’t 300 screaming children running around and the areas “finest” waiting for their devil children. It would totally be a fun girls night (as long as children aren’t there). 🙂
The least they could do in those torture facilities is provide decent internet. I thought I was beyond those days, but my 16 year old told me the other day, “We should go to the trampoline place again.”
Noooo! I think there should be a cut off but I was told weekend nights are filled with teens. But you’re right, the least they could do is provide decent cell service!! Ugh! The worst!!