Chores

My sons have been off for the past week for Spring Break. Because we aren’t millionaires we didn’t go to Disney World or some amazing destination. And in actuality, I was in Denver on business for half of their spring break. It’s important to note the dates of our trips/stays:

Parker (14-year-old): Thursday to Monday morning: Washington D.C.

Carter (10-year-old): Saturday to Monday: visiting his grandparents.

Me: Sunday to Wednesday: Business trip Denver, Colorado.

That being said, they’re activity level was on par with someone just coming out of a 5-year coma. I can accept that I came home to a dirty house as I knew this going in. I can also accept my house smelled like trash/ass when I arrived home at 12:40 a.m. Thursday morning. What I can’t accept is giving them chores to complete on Friday, coming home and only 1/3 were completed.

Here is what I gave them as “chores”:

• Unpack from your trips (you know, the bags that have been sitting for days, unopened)
• Take the sheets off their beds
• Dust and vacuum their rooms
• Remove all trash from their rooms
• Put away folded clothes (you know, the basket I left in their rooms almost a week ago before flying to Denver)
• Unload/load the dishwasher
• vacuum and dust the basement (this is 1 room, not another wing of the home)
• Clean the upstairs bathroom (not including the tub we never use)
• Clean the downstairs bathroom (this is a half bath)

So if you’re a slob, you’d think I was Joan Crawfording the shit out of my kids. If you’re a normal person who enjoys practicing cleanliness, you’d understand that what I’m asking is not over the top.

You’d think I’d asked for an addition to the house

Seriously! You’d think I’d asked for an addition to be built onto the house. WTF? When I returned home from working 8 hours on Friday, here is what had actually been done:

• Unpack from your trips (you know, the bags that have been sitting for days, unopened) Done
• Take the sheets off their beds The youngest did his, not the oldest
• Dust and vacuum their rooms The youngest did his, not the oldest
• Remove all trash from their rooms Not done. There was still the following in their rooms, I shit you not: 
  • tortilla chips
  • 3 dirty tissues
  • 6-7 water bottles
  • the wrapper to a lunchable
  • a random chocolate chip cookie
  • an empty Capri sun
  • a trash can overflowing including an entire box of cinnamon toast crunch cereal
• Put away folded clothes (you know, the basket I left in their rooms almost a week ago before flying to Denver) Done
• Unload/load the dishwasher Done
• Vacuum and dust the basement (this is 1 room, not another wing of the home) Not done
• Clean the upstairs bathroom (not including the tub we never use) Not done as they “couldn’t find” the new roll of paper towels
• Clean the downstairs bathroom (this is a half bath) Not done

Like, I just want to ask them,

“What’s your aversion to cleaning?”

“Why do you want to live among trash?”

“Are you vying for a spot on A&E’s Hoarders?”

I’m not asking them to OCD the shit out of their rooms or our home. I’m just asking for bare minimum standards here. Now full disclosure, I have to clean the rest of the house and to say I’m looking forward to it would be a big fat lie. Times like these, I appreciate that I don’t live in a mini mansion, like many people I know. There are a million things (writing) I’d rather be doing then cleaning the piss off a toilet but it’s a necessary evil.

There really isn’t a point to this chore post other than being a good ole’ fashion rant. Do you guys struggle with getting family to do chores? Lemme guess, ya’ll live with an Alice from the Brady Bunch? Let me know in the comments if this is a struggle for you too!