You know guys, I was sweating bullets trying to come up with February’s Ass Hole of the Month. I don’t know if it was Valentine’s Day or what but all the ass holes laid low this month. Oh sure, you can probably rattle off 5 ass holes at any given moment. I can too. But I needed the type of ass hole that evokes outrage among Americans, nay, the world. And we got him via Hollywood.I know, shocking.
For anyone visiting me for the first time, welcome! I started an Ass Hole of the Month post and I love doing them! Here are previous ass holes you can read about:
December’s Ass Hole of the Month- Amos Mazzant
January’s Ass Hole of the Month- Madonna
I didn’t watch the Oscar’s as I have the attention span of a goldfish. Waking up the next morning and catching highlights is enough for me. As I made my coffee yesterday I had the news on as I always do and began to zero in on what I was listening to.
“No for real, we didn’t win. You won…” The t.v. blared.
Exc-uese me? I baking powder?
I walk over to the t.v. to watch the most awkward exchange since episodes of The Office.
If you live under a rock or a bomb shelter, let me fill you in on what happened. Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway presented the Oscar for best picture. Warren Beatty squints at the card (hey, he’s old, this is totally legit) then hands the card to Faye to read. She announces Lala Land. In actuality, the card read Emma Stone Lala Land. Seconds later there is confusion on the stage, a guy with head gear is up there. No one knows what is happening.
There is great suspicion now that the man handing the envelopes to the presenters may have been distracted. How do we know this? Apparently seconds before, he is posting shit on Instagram of star sightings.
Look, I get that accidents happen but when you get to this enormous of an event, you don’t get to make a mistake that huge. An acceptable mistake at the Oscars would be transposing the letters of a person’s name or movie title on the card. Another mistake would be getting the seating chart wrong in the back of the theater. All little mistakes that the millions and millions of people will never see.
I felt so bad for the cast of Lala Land who thought they had won. I felt bad for Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. And lastly, I felt bad for the cast of Moonlight who thought a cruel joke was being played on them. They will always have the memory of this mix up, instead of effortlessly accepting the Oscar.
So to the unknown ass hole of February, we salute you! Thanks to your narcissistic obsession of posting on Instagram and your careless handling of a job that is on par with playing the triangle in a band, you successfully made millions of people around the world cringe simultaneously.
WOW! This was great. I knew that there had been a mix-up but I thought it was the presenter’s idea of a joke. I too do not watch the Oscars. Or any award shows for that matter – just look at the red carpet looks the next day. I just want to see the pretty dresses.
Me too!!! Selfishly, it is soooo horribly boring to hear a millionaire thank their parents, God, the director, blah, blah, blah. And you know what else? Anytime a movie wins an Oscar, I know it’s gonna suck!
Really? Ive heard BAFTA’s are always horrible lol
I heard on the radio this morning (man, I sounded like an old fart just then) that the guy was specifically told before the show that he was not allowed to use his phone during the entirety of the Oscars, so not only was he not doing his job, he showed how much of an immature child he is at heart. Who knew the person in charge of handing out the cards needed a chaperone?