I Don’t Get Skiing

Hello all! I know I haven’t written for over a month but I was taking a time out. I needed a mental break of writing to quite frankly, recharge the creative juices. Christmas time seemed like the perfect little break. So the first post of 2021 is my bafflement around skiing. For anyone in love with skiing, feel free to skip this post or read through my thoughts and help me understand.

Why I’m Asking About Skiing

Yesterday, my son came down to the front room where I was perusing Facebook with the “I want something” air about him. Normal interaction with him usually involves me playing the role of an indentured servant of the 18th century and him, the Lord of the manor.

“Mom, J asked me to do something with him tomorrow but it’s gonna cost.”

Having had this conversation with him on more than one occasion, I was a little prepared.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Skiing.”

“Skiing? You’ve never skied in your life. How much?”

He was hesitant to tell me. I literally had no frame of reference when it comes to skiing. Like Talapia, I have no interest in ever trying it.

“$90,” he mumbled.

Had I been on a chair and not lounging on my love seat, I would have fallen off of it.

“$90? Are you insane? Do you get to keep the skis for a souvenir?” I asked. “No,” I said, shaking my head. Then I remembered the Mom Code of Conduct, Chapter 461, Section 1A for a situation such as this and said “go ask your father.”

Head down, he begrudgingly made his way to the living room. I decided to give my husband a heads up and yelled,

“It’s a doozie Chris, you’re gonna luvvve this.”

For the next five minutes, I heard pretty much the same conversation play out. It ended with P going to his room and pounting. This lasted for approximately 6 minutes until I received a text from Chris informing me that he had a moment of weakness and agreed to pay $60 of the $90 it would cost to go skiing the next day.

My Philosophy on Skiing

Firstly, I live in Ohio and we have several months of frigid, cold weather. As Ohioans, it’s our goal to get to warmer climates as soon as money and time allows. I look at people who “vacation” in Alaska as if they have two heads. And I don’t care if it’s so beautiful. Beautiful won’t bring back 2 toes, amputated from frostbite.

And $90 to freeze my ass off and exercise? Let me get this straight, I’m paying you for an entire day of misery? I would KILL to be with the few people that are honest with themselves, at the bottom of a slope, at that very moment they think to themselves, ‘wow, this isn’t worth it.’ If you want to pay me $90, I will gladly throw a bathing suit on, run out to the very snow that is laying on our ground right now and make snow angels until you feel you’ve gotten your money’s worth. I don’t like exercising, I don’t like the cold and I don’t like to waste money. Can you see why I’m a little crazy about this topic?

Ski Lodge

Now don’t get me wrong, I do someday want to stay at a ski lodge. Again, zero plans to ski. I want to do all the cliche things like wear big fuzzy turtleneck sweaters and sit by a roaring fire. I want to jump in a hot tub that’s outside with an alcoholic hot chocolate. My hotel room needs to have plaid and wood everywhere. I’m totally down with staying at a ski lodge but again, I will not be skiing.

Don’t Break a Leg

I did text a friend that flies out with her family annually to Billings Montana to ski about the cost. She did confirm that yes, it really does cost that much. She also regaled me on the first time her husband skied with her, breaking his collar bone. Thank you for that. It was at that point I decided to look on the bright side and yelled over to my husband,

“Hey sweetie, him going skiing might actually save us money.”

“Oh yeah? How’s that?”

“If he breaks a leg, we won’t have to worry about all the out of town soccer tournaments this spring.”