I’m writing this post thanks to my neighbor from across the street who declared they didn’t celebrate Christmas last year because one of their 3 golden retrievers died 6 months before that. They have decided to have a Christmas this year because Chester (new puppy) deserves it and is her fur baby. If I hear 1 more person put a dog and a child in the same class, I am going to lose my shit, starting with my neighbor.
If you are a “fur parent” (your words, not mine) reading this, you are probably going to be offended. I would recommend just turning around and finding a blog for stay at home moms of fur babies or something.
I get it when Petsmart advertises Gifts For Your Fur Baby. They have to do that, that is how they make money. Marketing was never built on the truth. A marketing departments’ only goal is to SELL, SELL, SELL. What I’m getting at is that just because Petsmart or any other pet company calls an animal a furbaby, doesn’t condone nor justifying you calling your animal, your child.
As a parent of 2 young sons and the owner of a 14-year-old chihuahua, I feel qualified to list how a dog and a child differ. I’ll even put it in chronological order:
AGE 0-4
- The acquisition of a puppy does not equate to a $3,000 delivery cost after insurance or a $20,000 adoption fee for a child. Additionally, you probably won’t have to get an epidural nor a 2 month home study complete with finger prints like you do for a human adoption.
- You do not put your hand up to your puppy’s nose each night confirming they are still breathing, terrified he will be in the .05% of infants that die of SIDS.
- You do not breastfeed a puppy.
- Babies average 70 diapers a week. Have you ever put a diaper on your dog?
- Have you ever put a onesie on a puppy? In the dark at 2 a.m., then again at 4 a.m.?
- You can leave a puppy alone all day, in a cage. You cannot leave a 10-year-old home alone for more than 30 minutes (that’s my own personal opinion of course) let alone all day….and in a cage.
- The guilt of leaving a puppy for a day of work vs. the guilt of leaving your child with a caregiver isn’t even in the same realm. Questions and doubt flood your mind. Am I a good mom? Should I stay home? Will my sons be complete misfits because mom had to work 40+ hours? Also on this point, you are not paying $1,000+ a month to establishments such as Kinder Kare or Lil’ Tykes daycare to watch over your world.
By the way, as I type this, my dog is currently licking her ass on my sofa. I’m guessing I will never see that behavior from my children at any point of their lives.
AGE 5-8
- Humans can go to college, dogs do not. As a pet owner, you are not pouring over investment options trying to decide if an age based investment plan or a manual investment plan is the best route for college savings. You do not cringe when you realize you have lost thousands for college in 2008 during the crash.
- During sex, your dog may be in the same room. Kids never.
- You do not have to move an Elf every GODDAMN NIGHT between Thanksgiving and Christmas for your dog. And it’s not just “moving” the elf anymore. No, to stay competitive with the stay-at-homes, you have to create “scenes” like the elf taking a bubble bath in a bowl full of cotton balls.
- Dogs do not come to you with tears streaming down their face because they didn’t win their soccer game and you are the sole person that can provide comfort to them. You sit with them while reassuring them their strengths while they cry it out. Inside you have died a little because you never want to see your kid in pain.
- Children show domination by Pokemon cards or what they are really good at. When I go to my sister’s house, her chihuahua Gabby is cowering in fear when she sees my chihuahua, Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi looks at her with a ‘well let’s get started’ look. 30 seconds later I am nudging Chi-Chi off her victim. We haven’t got to the teenage years but if I were a bettin’ gal, I’m guessing this act of domination doesn’t happen.
AGE 9-12
- Your dog may get tired or have separation anxiety but it’s nothing like the attitude of a tweener or teenager.
- You will never have to check your dog’s Instagram account nightly, worried that some pedophile is luring him in.
- Your dog will not be standing in front of the mirror one morning before school, asking you to put gel in their hair for the first time because they have a crush on a girl and want to impress her.
- Smartphones, Beats, Xbox 1 games and Abercrombie and Fitch will never be on Rex’s Christmas list. Meanwhile next door, a mother is spending money she doesn’t have so her child won’t be disappointed Christmas morning.
- My dog has eaten her own shit before. Real children do not do this.
This is my message: please don’t compare your dog to my children. I’ve worked hard at being a good parent, don’t discount it.
“Chi-chi! Stop licking your ass! You’ll have ass breath!”
One thing I’ve always said, when I became mother to a human child, at least humans grow up and get smarter. A dog, not so much. I love my dog. I love him like i never thought I could love anything that smelled so funny and made me have to empty the vacuum more than once in a single housecleaning episode. I can love that guy like crazy, but he’s still a dog. I don’t want to tell anyone how to love, but every once in a while I do want to say, “Really? a dress? Does your dog WANT to wear that? How do you know?”
Makes complete sense! I definitely encourage folks to love their dogs like crazy just don’t every put them in the same realm as humans. My main focus for writing this is to express my frustration of people who think they understand the ups and downs of parenthood because they spoil their dog. Simply not the case.
I do agree with this, I mean it makes me cringe when my sister gets her kids to refer to my cat as their cousin(!)
But…my other sister can’t have kids. I don’t think she calls her dog a fur baby, but I think looking after her really helps my sisters mothering instincts. She treats that doggo so, so well!
And I agree with all of this! That’s great! Just don’t want anyone to discount actual parenthood. Parenthood and doghood are 2 different things. Neither are wrong, just different.
I think most owners of dogs/cats know that it is totally different.
(I am really thankful that it is so damn easy to look after a cat. I know I’ll be totally exhausted when/if I have babies. Eep)
Also, blooming ‘eck it is expensive to give birth in the US! That is a crazy amount of money!
I agree! Most people know the difference, it’s just the people that don’t that bug me. Parenthood has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. And I never understood what it meant to be willing to die for someone till my sons came along. And yes, ridiculously expensive, especially if you don’t have insurance.
I can agree that “fur babies” are not as important and our real babies, but I do feel that pets are an oh-so important part of families (why was this hard for me to write?). And, I do look at my dog as an important part of our family. We adopted Brook 12 years ago from an animal shelter when she was just a few months old. Since then, she has been my shadow. We walk together every day, she comes to work with me (I garden for people during the MN growing seasons), she travels with us whenever we vacation, she warns me of strange people coming up the driveway, she sleeps by my side of the bed every night, she rides in the car with me wherever I go (as long as it’s not too hot), she has played with my children every day since they were born (Brook has a love for babies), she watches over our chickens, chases away the deer when they try to eat my flowers, and she is ALWAYS happy to see me. Coming home wouldn’t be the same without her warm welcome. To me it seems like an unconditional love. I can see where others would look at their pet as their fur-baby, especially those who don’t have children. There is a strong love, a special connection between humans and their pets. Brook is getting old now. She has trouble walking. And, it kills me to see her in pain every day. I help her stand, I sit and pet her, I bring her food to her, and we take shorter walks. I also get after the kids if they play too rough with her. I get a lump in my throat every time I think about her not being with us. My husband said one day “Losing a is dog is so hard that it’s the one thing that could actually prevent me from getting another dog.” Our dog is a part of our family and we love her unconditionally. Is she our fur baby? Maybe. 🙂
As a “pawrent” I find this post hilarious! When anyone gets a dog, you enter a sort of “pet/parent” relationship that is nothing like “child/parent” relationship, yet I meet many people like your neighbors that cross that line. Oh well, as long as they are happy 😀