I woke up today at 9:46. As I came down, my husband sat on the sofa looking at me, ready to say his new tag line when I sleep in.
“Well….well…..well….” he said in a sing song voice.
“Mom I need my snow pants. Where are my snow pants? I want to go out to the snow,” C blurted as if it were all going to melt by lunch.
“Mom, I don’t have any snow pants and I want to go out,” My 12-year-old announced. Suddenly he was interested in going out too.
“Seriously? Have you seen outside? There must be 5″ out there. We’ll go to Wal-Mart around noon and hopefully the roads will be cleared.”
He looked at me as if I had told him I would be chaperoning his next middle school dance.
“Wal-Mart?” He questioned.
“Yeah, Wal-Mart. You may wear these things once and I’m not spending the money.”
He couldn’t fathom after receiving a $42 dollar Supreme headband from his aunt at Christmas, that he would possibly wear anything from a place only steerage purchased goods in. Knowing he didn’t have a choice, he gave up and didn’t say anything.
The Wal-Mart
The Wal-MartEvery time I go into our local Wal-Mart, I know I’m going to have a special, people-watching adventure. I mean, look at this beauty I snapped a few years ago, wearing a hospital gown and slippers. I thought about asking which institution she escaped from but thought, “nahhhh…..”
Immediately, we found the snow pants. And guess what? They were on sale for $11 and there were tons of them! I couldn’t get over the deal and probably repeated more than once, “Oh my God, only $11!”
Next up? The boots. Once we found the men’s boots (my son is already wearing a 9.5 in mens), it quickly became apparent P’s options included camo, camo and more camo. He picked out God awful camo from Adidas so apparently camo is ok from Adidas but a faux pas from Wal-Mart. Noted.
“Let’s go check out. Payless Shoe Source is right next door. We’ll stop over there, see if they have anything.”
I ignored the glare from him after mentioning Peasant Shoe Source. I don’t know if he thought we would be purchasing $300 snow boots and $200 snow pants from North Face but going to the 2 cheapest stores on earth still cost $45 bucks.
At check-out, I looked over to see a sales associate and her hair. She had the entire left side shaved while the other side was long and wavy. The long side was bright white with streaks of purple, bubble-gum pink and baby blue.
“P, unicorns do exist!” I said, jetting my chin in the direction of the sales associate. “I’m gonna need a picture of that.”
Like the good son he is, he pulled out his camera but I immediately decided this was not my finest parenting moment.
“Nevermind. Put it away, I don’t want you or I to get in trouble.”
A 150-year-old man was finishing up his order of 25 bottles of oil. Apparently he was working on cars today. Now it was our turn. Our sales associate has worked at this Wal-Mart for years. She stands roughly 4′ tall, short light-brown hair and big, thick wire-rimmed glasses. She would really play a great elf because not only is she vertically challenged her voice is the highest I’ve heard of a grown adult.
I began staring at her holiday tiara that is apparently acceptable dress code for Wal-Mart. From the tiara, I looked down at her bedazzled Minnie Mouse watch. She had lit up buttons and festive pom-pom things on each side of her vest. Before scanning our 3 products, she had worked up a thirst from the last customer. Without any words and in complete seriousness, she whips out the longest, brightest, shiniest, water bottle I’ve ever seen in my life. It was the size of her torso and could probably hold a drum of water. Immediately, P and I looked everywhere but at her and at each other. We knew we were on the brink of hysteria if anyone made a sudden move.
We got in and out of both stores within an hour and guess what? P played a combined total of 25 minutes outside. I will leave you guys with this hilarious picture of C and his snowman. Apparently, C had the assistance of a head shrinker.
I can remember driving to 4 different stores to find a pair of snow pants for my daughter. She NEEDED them to go on a snow boarding adventure and failed to mention said adventure until the day before. If I remember correctly, we finally found the snow pants only for her to determine that she was too fat to wear them and then didn’t go snow boarding. Kids.
I think I would have screamed if my sons did that to me. I’ll tell ya’, I’m on the verge of screaming at my oldest that had to have these pants to play outside. He hasn’t been out since. In fact, he’s sittting on the sofa as I type this, playing on his phone. I told him I want him frolicking in the snow all day today, skipping around like the damn Sound of Music or something.
Good luck with that!! My mom used to send me outside, and then lock the door behind me…..just an idea….
Ya know…that’s kinda’ brilliant. Maybe unlock it after 45 minutes??? Hmm…..
Yep, she always made sure that I didn’t actually freeze to death…I just thought that I did.
Too funny! I hate Walmart, but I have to admit, there’s no people watching like Walmart people watching. 25 minutes of play for $45? That sounds about right. ?
I just wish my watch still had the camera on it so I could take pictures of people. Half the people I want to photograph would kick my ass in a heartbeat if they saw me doing it. And yeah, to a child, $45 for 25 minutes of play is totally reasonable. Would spend that much in that amount of time anyway in a Dave and Busters.
I actually don’t mind wal-mart. Maybe it’s better in Canada? I’ve never seen anyone as crazy as you’ve posted about. But then again, I haven’t really been looking. We also don’t have Target so maybe that’s why I don’t mind it?
But that little snowman is so cute!!! I can’t wait to be back at work, and have my kidlets back from their vacation so we can play in the snow. But I need snowpants too haha
Well Wal-Mart has them for just $11. Seriously, between the typical Wal-Mart baby and the well groomed employees, it really is a circus. Maybe it is different in Canada. Have you checked out my Walmart Hot Messes on Pinterest? I collect only the best I find online.
Ooo no I haven’t! But I will for def!
…and here I am thinking that was you in the Hospital gown…go figure!
On a serious note, ANYTHING in public is fair game when it comes to grabbing a picture, but it is best if the kid does it…I remember your photography skills at a certain soccer game! 😛
I’m kidding, still, actually…
Anyways, the fact you trudged through there and got the kid all that stuff does put you in the mom of the year category!
Awww….shucks….you make me blush. And yes, my soccer video taping skills aren’t great. Any of those dads could have screamed at me and I would have cried. I wish my son appreciated the trip there. I got home an hour ago with $267 worth of groceries and do you know what he had the audacity to say? This would be a good time to go to McDonalds.” Come again?
hahahaha! Yes, you got to love kids…
I’m sure there’s a law somewhere that says we should or something…
That snowman is a treasure. WOW! $11 snow pants that don’t cause a rash and actually work. That’s amazing. Though Wal Mart isn’t my favorite shop, this post is a gem.
I just wish you could see the 2 check out gals. They were so damn special. It was like Halloween and Christmas had babies and it were these 2 women.
Man o man, I am so glad those days are over for me. The ones where it took more time to dress them to go outside than they actually spent outside!
You know Diana, I am very lucky because this year both are able to dress themselves. The only crappy thing is when they come in with snow all over them and I have to clean it up and hang there stuff to dry.
My kids are are 29 and 32. My oldest (hubby) is 63. That’s the one that will never grow up and leave home! I’m sorry to have to tell you this but a three of them still leave a snow mess when they come in from outdoors. It’s a mother’s curse. ?
NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!! I keep telling them that that is what warps the floors because water just sits there. But what do I know? Times like these, I wish I had a dedicated mud room.