Today I participated in probably my 10th White Elephant gift exchange. If you’re new to a white elephant gift exchange, it’s where you bring a funny or potentially well-received gift to be exchanged. Maximum dollar amounts are usually posted and I’ve never seen it exceed $20. What I think is funny is the White Elephant Gift Exchange comes from the legend of King of Siam (no idea who that dude is and IDC to research). He gave white elephants to people he didn’t like. Given that if someone gave you a dog you were completely unexpecting, I can see how giving someone an animal, that could shit out a King Kong finger, would be the ultimate fuck you. Obviously, the namesake is on par.
I’m not going to lie, several people were disappointed tonight about their gifts. One person even exclaimed, “what the hell? I don’t even read” when she opened a box of 2 books. While I would advise to keep opinions like that to oneself, she isn’t wrong. That being said, here are 10 tips for a fun, white elephant gift exchange.
Don’t Give a White Elephant Gift of Butter
No joke, someone was gifted 2 bricks of butter. While it was an Irish brand, one I use to melt on my steaks, I would NEVER give this. At the very least, it’s a dairy product and can spoil. She was gracious when receiving it but seriously; butter?
Do Give Alcohol
Give the staples like Corona Beer or a very popular wine like Josh Cabernet Savingnon. Even if the recipient doesn’t like it, if it’s a well-known brand, they can regift it.
Spend 50% of What the Maximum Is
This is my own opinion. If the max is $20, spend around $10. Why? Because the more you spend there’s more of a chance you’re going to end up with the stick of butter. No matter if you’re a saint, you’re still going to feel cheated.
Make Sure the Gift is Unused
Tonight someone rolled in with a holiday sweatshirt that had 2 stains as their gift. This is gross and tacky. Someone spending $19.99 is probably going to be disappointed if this is what they end up with. Now truth be told, it’s their own fault if they spent the max but have a little respect for family, coworkers, friends.
Don’t Be Afraid to Opt-Out of White Elephant
Listen, I’ve opted out of a few white elephants and I couldn’t have been happier. If it’s not your thing, that is completely fine. You’ll still enjoy laughing along at what others receive. There’s no shame in it.
Go Into White Elephant with Zero Expectations
Like a game of chance, know you might end up with butter as your gift. If you set expectations low, and can change your mindset to enjoy laughing at peoples’ gifts, you’ll do so much better.
Don’t Be Ruthless
Look, if you see that Marge finally scored that birdhouse she’s been wanting but there was also a $20 bill attached to it, don’t steal Marge’s happiness. Let that shit go. Accept your Squatty Potty and move on.
Fake Enthusiasm
At the end of the day, this is just a team-building exercise. It comes from a good place, to bring co-workers together during a joyous season. If you receive books and you haven’t read since 1997, let it go. Accept the gifts graciously and announce one way you’ll put it to good use. You can later throw it in the trash or strategize which shitty relative you’ll regift it to.
Give a Super Practical Gift
Seriously, it’s not a “wow” gift but it will be super helpful and appreciated. When I say super practical, I’m talking gift cards. A gift card for a car wash, a local grocery store or an amazon card. If you can’t find something beloved at Amazon, you suck as a person.
Don’t Be Upset If Someone “Steals” Your Gift
If you score a great gift, there’s a really good chance you’re not going to end up with it. It stings, especially when you scored something good but at the end of the day, you’re out what? 20 bucks? Don ‘t be pissed at the person. Honestly, I’m probably typing this in an effort to talk myself off a ledge in all future white elephant gift exchanges when someone steals my 20 lottery tickets.
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