You know, as I submitted a purchase order today at work for restaurant visors, it dawned on me that one should have to pay a fashion tax if they want to continue to wear such abominations. You may LOVE sun visors and see nothing wrong with it. Should there ever be a Hot Mess Presidential ticket in 2020, I will be proposing the following taxes:
Sun visors. This is what sunglasses are for. Visors really do nothing other than express that you have given up on life.
Fanny packs: I don’t care if you drop hundreds of dollars on a Gucci fanny pack. A fanny pack is a fanny pack is a fanny pack. Nothing good has EVER come from the name Fanny. Think Fannie Mae.
Pants that are only held up by a belt and only up to mid thigh. How does one walk with these? I have never understood it. It’s dumpy, has to be uncomfortable and you have to feel like you are waddling? Waddling is not sexy..It makes one think of the Penguins of Madagascar.
Anything written on your ass! Again, NOTHING good comes from your ass being inscribed. I guess I would get a good laugh if it read “Faster Faster” but that’s beside the point. This normally communicates one of the following: your a ho’, you have no fashion sense or you need attention and you’ll take it anyway you can get it.
Sweatshirts brought out for a specified holiday. They are usually 3d and they are usually, nay….they are wrong. At what point when was this ok? That’s right. Never.
Birkenstocks: My mother wore these. She wasn’t a lesbian she just took comfort to a level one should not go to. She would usually pair it with acid wash jeans and the above mentioned sweatshirts.
Any color that was popular for a kitchen from the 70’s.
Crop tops: there is 1 exception and here is the rule: You better be ripped. 0 tolerance for muffin top and you need to pair it with a sophisticated bottom. Daisy dukes are not a sophisticated bottom.
Anything with camo. Unless you plan on hunting animals, yet I see camo at Chipotle. Why man? Why? Go ahead and wear it at Walmart though. Like the serenity prayer, I have come to accept I cannot change Walmart.
Piggy backing on the above, no Nascar, Duck Dynasty, confederate flag, huntin’ or beer t-shirts. Old Navy flag shirts can fall into this too.
If you are older than 12, no purple outside of the home.
Skirts that are too short for work, unless you are a stripper. You can’t say you are dressed up if you find yourself rockin’ hooker chic at the office.
Turtle necks or dickies. Duh.
Pajama pants out in public. The exception is if you are being rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night or escaping a burning home.
Man buns: Many of you know my thoughts on this.
Ok folks, what did I miss? I’m going to need to work on this bill if I am to have it ready for congress. I think I’ll call it the National Save Our Eyes Inactment…or something like that. You know what? I’ll work on it and let you know!
Socks with sandals, leggings as pants, and bras showing in any form. There are a zillion and one different types of bras in the world now; if you can’t find one that can be hidden by your outer garment, then its time to rethink your garment and/or bra. The thing that makes me sad about girls/young women’s fashion now a days is the lack of class. You can be rocking the most stylish of dresses or tops, but if I can see your bra strap, you become nothing but a classless wannabe in my opinion.
I agree with that. I have 2 strapless bras and find myself wearing them frequently because I don’t want straps to show. Only Carrie Bradshaw can rock a black bra (with straps) under a ribbed white t. That’s it, end of discussion.
Haha. Agreed!
Crocs should be outlawed outside the garden. I do take issue with turtlenecks, tho – sometimes the weather does warrant wearing one, especially if you need to walk your dog several times a day, as I do. I second the bra strap clause, too 🙂
Agreed on the crocs. As long as the turtle neck serves a practical use and isn’t the outfit of choice to attend a 5 star restaurant. 😉
I think I have to disagree with you! But only on two points: I seriously love “ugly christmas sweaters” I dont know why but I do! But only for an “ugly christmas sweater party” and thats it lol.
Also birks! I agree the “designed for Jesus and his disciples” ones are hideous but the pair I have are cute! They have this semi-metalic strap to them, and they are so comfy
Ugly Christmas sweater parties, awesome! I don’t disagree. Please burn your birks immediately, thanks!
Gahh i cant burn them! If they are technically “soft mocs” does that make them ok? Lol
Driving buzzed is still drunk driving…sorry… 😉
Lol then we must agree to disagree on this one haha