On Thursday, my son gave a presentation called Explorer of the Week and parents were allowed to attend. Basically each week, one child is assigned to be the explorer, get up in front of the class and talk about himself. They can bring in pictures or anything they feel represents them. C brought in 10 pictures and was going to bring in medals, but forgot. After the 10 minute presentation that I drove 31 miles from work to attend, we also had the option to stay for lunch. I brought McDonald’s and prayed the fries wouldn’t get too cold before we ate them because let’s be real. Once McDonald’s fries are cold, you might as well be eating a foam to-go container.
Lunch Time
We all lined up in the class and filed out quietly. My son kept looking up at me, pleased I was here and eating lunch together. Once we were at the threshold of the lunch room, my first instinct was to run away as it was loud and dirty. Once we sat down to the crumb filled table, I was certain eating lunch on my toilet would have been cleaner than the current situation.
Seconds after sitting down, a group of 3rd grade girls came in and sat across from us. They began their awkward stare of me as they got out lunchables and Capri suns. One girl had some sort of nasty stew she was eating from a purple and pink thermos. The girl across from me but 3 down, piped up,
“How did you get to come in and eat with him?”
“My son was explorer of the week,” I responded. “Do you have explorer of the week?”
Blank stare.
“But how do you get to come in,” she demanded again.
This girl was annoying me now. First of all, she didn’t answer my question. Second, she hadn’t even opened her lunch box. An act in which would shut her up so I could eat my chicken snack wrap in some semblance of peace.
“I don’t know if it’s different in each class. Just ask your teacher when you get back in from recess.”
This answer was acceptable to her as she began to unzip her blue nylon lunch box.
C’s best friend sat on the other side of him. I looked over to see what he had for lunch and chuckled. He had an entire sleeve of Ritz crackers, a baggie of Colby cheese, american cheese and swiss cheese. Apparently his parents thought he was going to a graduation party and packed a cheese tray.
Lunch Room Black Market
“Listen, since they accidentally gave you 2 fries, see if any of your friends want some.” I told C.
“We aren’t allowed to share.” C responded.
“Come again?”
“Yeah, we aren’t allowed to share food with other kids. But Kyle and I share all the time.”
I’m going to sound like a grumpy old person but what has this world come to that you can’t trade food at lunch time? This is what the entire kid/lunch black market is built upon. Like deals made on a golf course, the lunch room is where cosmic brownies are traded for potato chips. It’s where you can get rid of the nasty sun chips your mom packed you, to a kid that oddly adores them, for a baggie of cheese puffs.
As I grappled with this new world of no trading in the lunch room, my son raised his hand and a teacher came over.
“May I please have some ketchup?” He asked.
‘What is this, a restaurant? Can I ask for a glass of Cabernet?’ I thought. As this exchange was happening, a bell rang and the table next to us quickly got up and left enough crumbs and trash to make an entirely new lunch. The custodian came in and quickly wiped down the long table and folded it up. 30 seconds later, I hear what sounds like a motor start. There in front of my eyes, he is riding what looks to be a miniature lawn mower. It’s sucking up all the crumbs and messes on the floor. You know at a hockey game the big machine comes out to do something to the ice (I don’t know what it’s called), that’s what he looked like and it was hilarious.
Confident I had now contracted the bird flu, H1N1 and SARS from my 20 minutes in this lunch room, I let my son know it was time for me to go. I told him I was so happy I got to come watch his presentation and eat lunch with him.
And that was my experience in a 2018, American lunch room.
Don’t ever look them in the eyes!!!
That made me laugh – almost as horrendous as volunteering to help my daughter’s class do cooking in junior school – a long time ago. I’m guessing the no sharing is due to fear of some child having am allergy and dropping dead!
And that’s what always gets me. I went to school too and never had these rules and never saw a kid drop dead. If my kids were allergic, I’d simply tell them not to trade foods. I wouldn’t want the entire school to suffer.
LOL the word you are looking for is Zamboni.
And yeah kids can’t share. All the crazy allergies makes it impossible. Although, I’ve never been at an elementary school that had a cafeteria…interesting! In September, my second oldest kidlet would take the zucchini bread I would make and trade it like a drug dealer on the playground. I should have been asking for a cut of her haul.
See! It’s a black market! Just about every school here has a cafeteria. Where do the kids eat in Canada if they don’t have cafeterias?
In their classrooms at their desks lol
Oh, I see. I remember every great often there would be something happening in the cafeteria so we would eat at our desks and that was so special to us since it rarely happened. One more question: do Canadian schools not offer hot lunches to kids?
High schools have cafeterias so there are hot lunches provided there. But in elementary schools there’s no hot lunches. The kids must bring their own. Well….no….they have like pizza days? So once or twice a week (depending on the school) the parents can purchase pizza for their children but this is all done in advance. So for like the month of January you pay in December so the school can order in advance and the pizza place has time to prepare haha
My son’s school does “star of the week”–same idea. Kids in a pack are definitely one of the phenomenons of nature. I honestly don’t know how teachers and counselors and childcare providers don’t feel like ringmasters in a circus. There’s just SO MANY of them. I’m certain your son loved having you there though. 🙂
I thought the same thing about teachers. The following have come out of my mouth before I’ve had time to filter it: I don’t know how you do this. I would have slit my wrists by now. Perhaps not the best wording but it was my honest thought.
hahah! Oh my gosh, I have so had those moments when I couldn’t stop the words.
I joined my sons for school lunch last year as mums could come in to school & join their offspring as it was approaching Mothers Day. Oh my! The food was ok – roast chicken, potatoes & veg plus a sponge cake. The roast potatoes were very oily & I had indigestion for the rest of the day. My son loves his school dinners so he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t tucking in. The chairs were tiny too! It’s an experience that obviously occurs all over the world as I’m in the UK!
Wow….that is a deluxe lunch! Roasted chicken, potato and vegetables? Here are the typical offerings: chicken nuggets, cheeseburger, breaded chicken sandwich and pizza. My 9-year-old buys occasionally but my 12-year-old never buys and I hate it b/c I’m stuck making lunches almost every evening or morning!
Love it! You described it perfectly.
LOL! “Confident I had now contracted the bird flu, H1N1 and SARS from my 20 minutes in this lunch room…” I KNOW that I would feel the same. And, I felt like I was sitting right there with you – uncomfortable and all – while reading your story. Awesome!
And this is why parenting is a minefield. I would have lost at least a couple of limbs by now if I’d gone down that route… I’d be offering kids peanuts and all sort of allergy inducing foods…
Love it!
Thank you Vishal!!!