College Sports Recruiting

I’m mildly freaking out. Parker, my 14-year-old, hasn’t even completed the 8th grade (well he does only have about 6 days left) and we’re thinking college soccer recruitment. My co-worker who just went through this for her kid has scared me shitless that we are behind in this game and need to get the ball rolling. So over the past week, I’ve been filling out his profile on several recruiting sites. I’ve taken his head shot and doctored it up (aka zit removal). I’ve even reached out to his old coach for a reference and lastly, I’m linking his Hudl profile to all these profiles I’m filling out. Did I mention I love that kid?

Hot Mess the Sports Agent

I’ve never met a sports agent but I feel like if I were one, I’d be like the ones you see in movies and on tv, completely obnoxious and crazy. I’d be the one making shady-at-best deals while spinning bad behavior to future coaches. I’d be that agent that would do anything, and I mean anything, to get my talent where they need to be.

So everyday I find myself on sites such as NCSA (Next College Student Athlete, checking daily if any new coaches are following him. Has he shown up in any new searches? Are there any messages? Again, I need to calm down as we started this less than a week ago. Like my Jetpack and Google Analytic stats, I am absolutely fascinated by it all. It’s morphing into somewhat of a challenge for me: How can I get my son in front of coaches? A.k.a, how can I not pay for college because my retirement fund is on par with Charlie Bucket from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

You want proof of my freaking out? Here’s what I sent my husband last night between checking stats:

Look, I know that the acceptance rate to Stanford is 4%. But I also know you won’t win the lottery if you never play. To get into Stanford, you have to have a brain the size of a watermelon and have invented something like a self-driving, flying car. That’s why I’m currently helping him figure out a way to bottle the energy of a toddler for mass production and consumption.

College in 1995

I started college in 1995 when the internet was brand new and we sent just as many letters as we did emails. Me having 0 athletic ability ensured my parents would never have to worry about getting in front of recruiters. Besides, my mom was a nurse at Ohio State University and my tuition was half-off! So despite wanting to go to F.I.T (Fashion Institute of Technology) in New York City, I was told I would be going to OSU. I simply filled out the paper forms (no forms online) and sent them as my application.

Weeks later, I was waitressing at my dad’s restaurant and my mom stopped in. She grabbed me and my dad and we walked back to my dad’s office. The office was off the back-stock room and was almost like a shed. Once you opened the door, the secretary’s desk was on the right, a partition then my dad’s desk. They handed me the letter that I was accepted to OSU and that was that. Because at the time we didn’t know I had ADD, it took me 6 f’ing years to graduate, but I did. Would you like to know who gave our commencement speech?

Bill Cosby.

But that’s for another post. Anyway, I have to go and check stats. After all, it’s been 2 hours.