Dear Airlines,
This letter stems from my flight I just disembarked from 2 hours ago. I’d like to call out my concerns as this is pertinent to all airlines that have a coach section.
I should not have to feel like this: 
I thought I had won the lottery today as the lovely flight attendant asked if I wanted to take the bulk head seat. Maybe we should save that row in case the royal family or other dignatires board I thought. Bulk head and an aisle seat? This was down right decadent.
But I would soon learn even the bulk head aisle sucks. Sure, you have more leg room that’s on par with that of a smart car but there are things I don’t have/have to endure:
- No tray for my junior miss glass of pop or a place for my 4 pretzels.
- No storage in front of me.
- Main route to use the restroom thus resulting in my head and arm being slapped by asses, hips and stomachs.
- No seatback pocket to put my bottle of water.
It’s Like You Want to Make Us Sardines
What’s your obsession with cramming us all on your stupid planes? Do you enjoy watching us attempt to get comfortable while not accidentally feeling up the strager next to us? It’s like Mission Impossible just to get out of your seat, open up the overhead bins and get your laptop out, all while not putting your ass or crotch in a strangers face. Extra points if you don’t drop something on their heads too.
I want you to picture this: I didn’t use my left armrest the entire flight as I generously gave that up to the guy that had to sit in the middle seat. I didn’t have a tray and considering I was being slapped every 3 minutes by people walking to the restroom on the luxuriously wide, 18″ aisle, I didn’t want to risk spilling Coca-Cola onto my laptop. This meant I had to ask for a lid, like I was a toddler. The flight attendant thought I was joking until I told her I was dead serious.
So now I have my coke and pretzels on my laptop keyboard, moving them around as I attempt to type. I continue to get slapped in the head every few minutes by people going to the bathroom. You may wonder by now, where I put my cell phone during the flight. This was the only time in my life I considered putting my phone in my bra. I opted against this and placed my phone under my left thigh. This meant that everytime I went to get my phone, I had to treat the stranger next to me like Operation and avoid grazing his thigh like a dirty business traveler.
Unless all airlines are run by elves, I don’t see how you can say this is a great experience. It’s not. For example, I looked over to my right to see 3 very husky and tall guys. One guy couldn’t even put his tray down because his legs wouldn’t clear it. They were wedged in there tighter than Spanx on an elephant.
Profit Suggestion
Look, I get ya’ll are a bunch of greedy bastards. Not the flight attendants or pilots but the airline CEO’s, Presidents, etc, that only fly first class or private jet. You don’t run the risk of a blood clot in your legs because you haven’t been able to move them for 2.5 hours. So here is my proposal:
Step 1
Take out 2-3 rows of seats.
Step 2
Use this extra room to allow for more leg room FOR ALL rows! Don’t get greedy and say you’ve expanded leg room on some rows but it’s 
“business class”. THIS ISN’T THE FUCKING TITANIC. COACH DOESN’T EQUAL STEERAGE!
Step 3
Expand the bathroom by a few inches. You know, enough to where you can actually turn around.
Step 4
Here’s where you make up for your “lost profit”. Actually it was never really lost as you didn’t have this many seats in the history of flight anyways. You offer food for purchase. I’ve traveled for business most of my adult life and when one has a per diem or better yet, an unlimited budget, you don’t think twice about purchasing a $15 cheeseburger. I know you can make room for food because as a teen, I remember getting huge meals on airplanes. They say that’s how movie theaters make their money. And did they add more seats? No. In fact, my local theater ripped out every seat and installed bulkier dream loungers. You might want to look at the movie theater model. They’re obviously on to something.
Final Thought
In closing, I’m an annoyed flyer. I’m not even overweight or tall. Keep trying to make an extra buck and see what happens in the long run to your profit. Either fix the flying experience or watch a newer, younger, smarter company come in and fill the void.
Regards,
A Hot Mess Flyer
As someone who is used to 14 hour flights, I agree with this!! If possible I try to get an emergency exit row. Sure I have to say that I’m ok with helping people out in case of an emergency but whatever man! I get to stretch my legs out as far as those babies can go! And there is always a tv and tray hidden in the arm rest so I don’t have the same problem you did. But some flights (like going from Toronto to Korea) charge extra for that. But coming back no charge. Same airline. It’s weird. I hate the food on planes! I already feel nauseous anyway so I pack my own snacks in my bag. And try to eat a little of what they are serving. But again, 14 hour flights haha. I gotta eat.
Some flights charge extra for the tray? Is that what your saying? Dear Lord that is horrible. The exit row seats are really great but they are as coveted as the bulk head seats are. I rarely get those, especially on Southwest flights since it’s open sitting.
Ooo no they charge extra for the exit row seats lol I love the exit row seats, so awesome
Oh, I see what you’re saying! Should they really charge extra since you are assigned to help in an emergency?
Haha I’m not sure, but I’m def not paying an extra $125 for leg room
Hells no!
Haha exactly! It’s so strange cos it was only an extra charge for one way not the other!
On our flight back from Utah, I had an idea for them to increase profits too! Stay with me… allow people without personal items stored in the overhead leave the plane first. How does that make the airlines more money you ask? People will do anything to get off the plane as soon as possible, especially after a 4+ hour flight. If you tell passengers that they can check their personal item(s) (maybe at a discounted rate even), imagine how many people would throw down some extra cash just so they can escape the cabin ASAP??
Of course this stems from a personal experience… My and Fella’s personal items usually include one backpack each that we keep at our feet during the flight, so when it’s time to exit the plane, we have to wait an eternity for everyone to take their sweet-ass time getting their things from the overhead when we could have already been to our next gate or made it to collect our luggage at the carousel. Just my two cents….
Ok, just so I understand, they would offer a service to check your carry-ons at the last minute, there by allowing people with 0 carry-ons to exit the plane first? Interesting concept.
Yes! Fella and I had our backpacks ready to get off the plane and book it to our connection, but we had to wait 15 minutes for everyone in front of us to get their items down from overhead and exit. We barely made our connection flight on our way back from Utah. If we could have just walked off the plane, it would have been so much easier. Please we would be out of the way for those that need access to the overheads.
Yeah, the congestion of having to get off a plane is soul sucking. Especially when you have a connection or it’s late at night and all you want to do is get off the plane.
I don’t travel for work anymore, but thanks for the vivid memories.
Hey, you are welcome! Yeah the flying has become pretty miserable.
Well, welcome to Denver! 😉
Thank you!
My husband worked for an airline for 21 years in maintenance. The further you go back in the plane, the closer the seats. The almighty dollar plays heavily in this business. I don’t fly much anymore; only when I absolutely have to. When you almost get bumped from a flight because they are hauling too much freight, it’s pretty disheartening.
Wow, is that so? I had no idea. That is pretty disheartening!
I hate flying. Not because I’m terrified of flying, but because it’s generally an incredibly unpleasant experience. I did splurge for “economy plus” on a flight several years ago because it was an 8 hour flight, and well, I like to have feeling in my legs. We’re flying this summer for vacation, and I already dread it.
Yeah, and I don’t know how long it’s going to take airlines to fix this problem. I’ve heard of many people opting to drive when they could have flown sometimes because of the hassle.
The ironic part is that the times I’ve flown over the past several years, with the exception of the Hawaii trip, by the time layovers and flight delays were factored in, I could have driven in the same amount of time, lol.
Yaassss!! Between the hour your supposed to be there ahead of time and baggage claim….