Unshowered and Going on Hour 7 of Watching 4 Kids

I am watching 4 kids today and I don’t want it to end with my typical “I want to slit my wrists” response. I am telling myself to have a good day.

My neighbor and friend for almost a decade text 4 friends and I at 4:30 yesterday that her husband is in Arizona, the school is closed due to a massive flu outbreak and it’s critical she is at the hospital. She is a nurse. Zero babysitters were available and she was asking if anyone could watch her 2 small sons- S and M, 5 and 8 respectively.

As a good friend I did what all good friends do and wait till the 11th hour to respond, willing someone else to respond first. After 2 hours and no responses, I took one for the team and said I could watch them. I was off from work because my sons’ schools had parent teacher conferences. 15 minutes later I receive a text that another friend had sent a message directly to her saying she could watch the boys. I dodged a bullet and I’m sleeping in!

Then at 7:26 AM, I receive this message:

I know she would do the same for me so watching her kids all day. I sit here now unshowered, watching 3 boys at their house. I don’t count my oldest as he is 11 and living it up in our house alone, playing video games. Our backyards almost touch so it’s not like he’s all alone. I can see into our windows if that gives you an idea of our proximity.

The only thing I had to do today was I promised I would fetch Starbucks for King Tweener (my oldest). His royal highness demanded a grande double chocolate java drink and 2 chocolate croissants. This meant I had to take 3 kids, all under the age of 9 to Starbucks which equals 3 car seats….in a Toyota Corolla. Totally doable. It took about 10 minutes and a strategy on par with creating America’s infrastructure but I managed to get 3 car seats into my car by starting on the farthest edge and installing one at a time. When I realized there wasn’t enough room to buckle the 3rd kid in while he sat in the seat, I had him wait outside while I pre-buckled the belt then pulled the strap up as far as it would go, have him snake his body underneath it then I let it go to pull tight around him. Drop the mic.

At Starbucks the drive-thru was 8 cars deep. Suddenly I had visions of me getting out of the car and running as far away as I could after what would be at least a solid 10 minutes of non-stop chatter. So I made the executive decision to take all 3 inside. I believe that is bad choice #4 for the day? Is my math right?

We go inside and the 40 year old hipster at the register looks down at the 3 kids, back at me and is waiting for a response as to why I have interrupted his day with such nonsense. Not wanting my bacon gouda breakfast sandwich spit in, I respond.

“Sorry, their mom couldn’t find a sitter and I’m off. I only have 2 kids, that is all I can handle.”

He smiles a fake smile then after each item I rattle off he curtly responds, “is that all?”

‘No it’s not all fool. I’m feeding 4 boys and myself. I alone am taking probably 50% of the order.’ I think.

Update: it’s 58 minutes until their mother gets home. I’ve had to say the following:

“Don’t throw your sock into the popcorn.”

“Don’t hit the tv with the pool noodle.”

“You mix ketchup and ranch together?”

“No you can’t throw your Gatorade bottle over their fence.”

“Please pick the popcorn off the floor with your hands, not your mouth.”

So it hasn’t been a bad day and I know she would do the same for me. Just know that if a poorly written post shows up around 1 am tonight, that would be drunk Hot Mess posting something I will inevitably have to clean up tomorrow morning.

P.S. Today has reconfirmed what I already knew: I could NEVER be a stay at home mom. Maybe to a 25 year old but that’s my limit.