Questions I Have for Naked and Afraid

The type of person that goes on Naked and Afraid has got to be of the special type. Like not even really “hippie” but part animal to do what they do. If you’ve never heard of Naked and Afraid, it’s a reality show on the Discovery Channel where survivalists must stay out in the jungle, the wild, or wherever, for 21 days. Once they meet their co-survivalist, they strip down then don a satchel that contains 1 survival item of their choice, a diary, a camera for recording at night and lastly the transmitter that transmit from the microphone, located on their necklace. Here’s a quick 3-minute video:

So yeah, I have questions for people that sign up for this. I watched it a few days ago with my son and cringed when two perfectly good strangers hugged…..naked. And so, that is where my questions begin:

Hugging Naked

What’s it like hugging a complete stranger naked? For you contestants, you don’t even flinch; like you’ve been preparing for this hug for months. I mean, you hug as if you have clothes on. If that were me, I would just give a high-five. If they wanted more, I’d probably tell them not on the first day and hope they don’t find offense.

Your Survival Item

With all the things you could bring, how do you decide? I will tell you that I’ve already planned my item, should I ever be faced with the situation. I would go to a major beauty/health company and pitch the following idea:

I want an SPF, shampoo, conditioner, bug replellant, chapstick, ointment.

After Naked and Afraid, I’d be the spokesperson for this multi-tasking concoction and we’d make millions!

Sleeping at Night

I once was tasked in Girl Scouts to actually sleep when we went camping. I don’t know what granola punch they drank but I sure as shit wasn’t going to sleep in that tent. Allow me to paint the picture. It was wood slats with half-inch gaps between each board. On top of that was the tent that didn’t zip but just hung down. As we flashed our flashlights up to the ceiling from our cots, we saw spiders and flys dancing around. A raccoon rustled beneath us and by then, I was ready to drop out of Girl Scouts and never sell another box of cookies again.

So how do these people actually sleep? And obviously, they don’t have a cot, a pillow or even a sleeping bag. You’re just laying there while slowly being eaten alive by all sorts of bugs (unless you have my product I mentioned above).

Your Period

And full disclosure, this is the type of show I’ll watch an episode here or there but not consistently. So, if this topic has been covered, tell me What do you do when your period happens? Are you so emaciated that your period just stops? Do you use leaves? Are you that much of a survivalist that you know where cotton is and you can make a tampon? And like the awkward naked hug, how the hell do you disguise a period? I cringe fully clothed, worried I bled all over my dress. And lastly, wouldn’t leaving a trail of blood be dangerous with predators? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

How Do You Eat What You Eat?

I’ll be real, I struggle with sushi. So I’m having a tough time understanding how their eyes light up in delight when they’ve found edible cockroaches. I can’t skip one meal let alone eat cockroaches for energy. I would have tapped out on day one but I would have especially tapped out with something like this.

When the Headlights are Up

I don’t know if I’m going to articulate this question properly but do certain….ahem….areas, of the anatomy, perk up? Particularly in the morning? Or maybe there’s cold air that unexpectantly comes through and catches you off guard? Like, does that make sense?

I’m sure I have additional questions but do you see my point here? There is really nothing appealing about any of this situation. Do you win a prize for completing the 21-days? Like congrats! You weren’t bitten by a cobra. There’s your prize, you get to live and to potentially do it all over again at an all-star season or something. Have you guys seen this show?