Today was my boss’s 30th birthday. I must say, she has her shit together! A steady job as a Merchandising Manager, adorable and has a beautiful condo in a hipster area of C-bus. She is kind and understanding. I think I’ll keep her around for a while. 😉
Then today I learned that one of my blogging best friends-No Love For Fatties (sorry, I may not be one of your blogging BFF’s but you are mine, so deal) is turning 30 shortly. Since I don’t live in the same country as you, I figured I can give you a virtual gift- knowledge. Yes, I shall give you the gift of Hot Mess knowledge. Especially since I turned 40 3 months ago. Since I have a solid 10 years on you, here are tips and knowledge I bestow upon you. Your welcome.
- You are going to get zits on wrinkles. I know, incredibly cruel. Then you are left with the debate: do I address the zit or the wrinkle? The answer is neither. Just leave them alone- they’ll work themselves out!
- Moisturize the fuck out of your eye sockets! I think I woke up on day 1 of being 40, looked at my eyes and I was like “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” I saw lines that were on par with origami. I don’t care if you have to smear lard around your eyes, just do it. Trust me.
- Your gonna drink more but not be able to stay up as late. Look, you may have a perfect life and bravo if you do. If you don’t, drink, enjoy and it’s ok!
- On your 30th, go to Starbucks and before you pay state the following: “I’m turning 30 today and treating myself!” If all goes as planned, they will pick up the tab of your mocha, frappa, venti, choco, whatever. I did this on my 30th and ended up with a free coffee.
- DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE announce you “feel old” now when your 30. My boss did and I wanted to cut a bitch….lovingly of coarse!
- Just know your self confidence is going to sky rocket. As you grow deeper into the wonderful 30’s, you don’t give a fuck about all the shit you used to give a fuck about. Suddenly, if you were up tight, you are now the more laid back person in the group.
- Thank the baby Jesus, your period gets lighter. Not like middle-aged, hot flashes, erased; but you aren’t having a miscarriage every month. Not only does it get lighter but it doesn’t last for an entire week. Every person is different, but I do hope this happens to you!
- Occasionally you are going to be the oldest person in the circle or on the “old end” and it’s going to blow. The question is, do you look like the oldest person? If not, you are sittin’ pretty!
- Contrary to popular belief, you are more fit in your 30’s. Why? Because you are mature enough to tell yourself no. I don’t know why, I guess you gain more will power?? Plus, I think your appetite goes down. In your 20’s your eating all sorts of shit….at all hours of the day.
- Do not stop learning. Don’t shit on new social media that will inevitably come up. Don’t get comfortable, no matter how much of a pain it is. I’m not a huge Instagram user but because I’ve adapted, I can easily have a conversation with my 12 year old about what Doug The Pug did. You feel me?
So, that is my wisdom. Sure…..it’s after 3 glasses of wine…..but I think it’s pretty legit. You probably won’t appreciate this wisdom till after several years in your 30’s but it’s cool. So love, all I have to say is:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!Â
WOW! So glad I didn’t read this at midnight last night and instead waited until I was awake and my brain was functioning. So let’s just start to break it down yes?
1) you are one of my best-blogging-friends too! You know it! Don’t doubt yourself 😉
2) I love that you gave me all this wisdom! Knowledge truly is the best gift! I really appreciate it.
3) I don’t drink, but I’ll keep the rest of that point in mind haha
4) I literally just downloaded the Starbucks app and they gave me a free drink on it already. AND apparently I get another one on my birthday?! I’m going to be so over caffeinated it’s not going to be funny. 4th thinks I’m all bubbly and happy all the time now? Oooo you just wait sweetheart!
5) Will you shoot me if I say that my periods are already pretty light? I’ve been told its because I haven’t popped any living creatures out of my baby box yet. But like 3 days max….I’m in the middle of it right now, cramping is KILLING me. Maybe that’s my punishment for having it really easy with my periods? Haha! It’s a gorgeous Saturday and you have to go to work cramping and be happy with the kidlets.
6) I will promise to always keep learning!
7) I am already starting to be more fit! WOO My body is obviously dying because instead of craving chips lately, its been celery….I F’****** hate celery. (yeah look I almost swore! Feeling more like an adult already)
8) I will never (again) announce that I am old. Scouts honour!
Now to enjoy the last 7 days of my 20’s!! Love you HM!
You almost swore (tear). Proud moment. Yes, you are so lucky about your period. So who knows, maybe it will just flat out stop by the time your 35?? Who knows. All I know is I would love to talk to you on your 40th and ask if 30’s are better than your 20’s. Now I just hope 40’s are better than the 30’s!!! Happy Saturday!
HAHA! Okies, in ten years we will look back on this and discuss 😉 And thanks! Off to work I go!!
Um…I gotta hold issue with numero seven up there. Every month I get closer and closer to a Freddie Kruegerus Uterus. I’m moving from mop to tarp at a scary rate….
Katie, how old are you? I don’t think that is normal??? But I’m so not a doctor. I just thought we all dried up as we got closer to death! LOL!!!! You are so funny btw!!!
After two endometrial biopsies (10/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND speaking of horror stories) I am “fine” and this is “normal.” Eventually I’ll get interior sandblasting or something…Doesn’t that sound a treat? ?? ?????? ??????
Well, the “blasting” doesn’t sound so bad…LOL! But the sanding does! Men are so lucky their plumbing is so much easier. I think the only thing they have to worry about is an enlarged prostrate gland? Is that right? IDK, I’m not a doctor.
I’m pretty sure that’s it. Well, sometimes a lack of pressure in the garden hose, but they make medicine to increase PSI…. haha
What is PSI? Sorry, blonde moment.
Pounds per square inch….it’s a measure of pressure. 🙂 Like in tires and other things that…inflate….
I see. Learn something new everyday!