Hot Mess and the IQ Test

I’ve always wanted to take an IQ test. For years, I’ve wavered between either feeling like I’m pretty smart to a complete dumb ass. I mean, I tapped out helping my son with his second grade homework for cryin’ out loud.

Ink Blot Test

Tonight started when I sat down to watch Joe Santagato on YouTube. He’s a hilarious cat and I encourage all of you to check him out. I turned on the ink blot test they were taking. This inspired me to find and take an online inkblot test. To my surprise (and to I’m sure to the disbelief of many), I only answered 2 of the 10 questions causing concern of mental illness. In fact this was the average for most people. At the end of the test was an advertisement for an IQ test.

‘Hell, why stop here,’ I thought. ‘I’m gonna take an IQ test.’

The IQ Test

After pouring a glass of wine, I clicked on the ad to find the directions. Initially I was intimidated, simply because I had to read direction #2 twice to understand it.

‘I am so fucked,’ I thought. ‘I’m strugglin’ with the directions of the IQ test.’

I decided to say fuck it and clicked start. I had 20 minutes to complete all questions. The first 4 questions were super easy.

“Is this actually an IQ test?” I asked out loud. I mean, it was finding the patterns and at one point I thought surely these are trick questions and my results will be on par with Forrest Gump.

Then there came the 5th question which was a chart of numbers and I needed to find the pattern?? I guess?? All I know is I passed on that question and moved on. And so, I developed a routine (at least I thought) of understanding about 3 questions and skipping the 4th. At least that’s what it felt like. Overall, I finished 17 out of 20 questions with 4 minutes to spare. I patted myself on the back for 2 of the 3 questions I skipped because I successfully figured out the pattern.

Why I Took the Test

I took the test because I’ve wanted to for years. I’ve wavered between thinking I’m smart to a complete dumb ass. In college my philosophy was “we’re all gonna walk across the stage with the same damn paper so why not do the bare minimum?” Looking back, this may not have been the best approach, but at 24-years-old and working 50 hours a week in retail, this was my thought process.

Additionally in my adult life, I’ve met many, many adults with the titles of President, CEO or basically richer-than-fuck and I’m like, “how the fuck did this person land this position? Why is this simple-minded person this rich?” I mean, I’ve met some really, really dumb people making 6 figures.

And the slap in the face? A few of them have talked to me like I have the brain of a raisin. Like they have to talk really, really slow so my simple, gentle mind can grasp the concept they’re explaining. More insulting is when they withhold information because “they don’t want to confuse me”.

Results

I shocked myself. After 1 glass of wine while taking the IQ test, your’s truly scored the following:

I regret drinking that glass of wine while taking the test. What would I have scored sans wine?

So I don’t know what the point of this post is other than, it made me happy. It made me happy when I think of ass holes that talk to me like I’m 5.

If you guys want to check out the IQ test, it’s at

BMI Certified IQ test.