I love listening to Matt Bellassai’s Unhappy Hour podcast. He begins each episode with several crazy news stories that always involve a Florida man. I can’t remember if it was on his podcast or somewhere else but I learned that the majority of the crazy stories come from Florida because the police records are more open than other states. So who knows, perhaps North Dakota is even more bat shit crazy but thanks to laws, they get to keep that shit hidden under the rug.
That being said, Matt mentioned the Florida Man Challenge that is out there. I Googled it and it’s actually a thing! You Google Florida man then enter your birthday. So for me it would be Florida Man December 28. And what did I get? I got a 2-fer! Not only did I get a headline but a video and it’s pretty damn funny!
These #clumsy thieves stole a 43" Vizio TV from a #Davie @Walmart on Dec 16th and fled on a scooter. They didn't plan their getaway to well and almost crashed! If you recognize them, give us a call 954-693-8200 or @crimestoppers2 954-493-TIPS. #clumsythief #DaviePolice pic.twitter.com/Z1umFsMZjF
— Davie Police Dept. (@DaviePolice) December 26, 2018
Husband’s birthday:
Obviously we haven’t learned that 911 isn’t the maitre’d.
Youngest Son
Here’s my youngest son’s Florida man story:
Now please note that it was the adult man on a tricycle, not the children.
Oldest Son
And now my oldest son’s birthday. The men of Florida were uncharacteristically quiet for his birthday so this headline is from 4 days before:
He probably calls his mom “mother” and super creepy and stuff.
So now it’s your turn! Google FLORIDA MAN and your birthday and post what the headline was for your birthday! I can’t wait to read what your Florida man did! Who’s your Florida spirit animal?
Florida man in custody after landing helicopter on White House lawn ??
Yaassss!!! How the hell did he land a heliocopter without being shot down first! That airspace is pretty much forbidden. LOL!
I have no idea lol
Didn’t have the day of but had this for the day before my b-day. Florida Man Sets Self On Fire While Trying To Burn Cross
My God these idiots are stupid! That was good ole’ fashion Karma right there!
North Dakota cannot possibly compete, because no one in North Dakota can get drunk and go punch a gator in their brother-cousin’s back yard. That’s the sort of quality fuckery that you’ll only ever see in Florida. And God bless ’em for it!
Also, “Man bites dog, then brother.” It was unclear from the headline whether he bit his dog’s brother or his own, and I was having too much fun with the possibilities to spoil it by reading further.
I pray to the sweet baby Jesus someone use’s Quality Fuckery in their slogan. Like Quality Fuckery since 1883. Love that! Anyway, so “Man bites dog, then brother”, that was your Florida man headline? Sweet Jesus!