My Ancestors Are Pissing Me Off

If you are easily offended by the F-bomb, please skip this post. This post is a bitch fest of how I feel right now.

My ancestors are truely pissing me off right now, like for real. Their choice in lifestyle has made it borderline impossible to find the info I need. As some of you may have read, my sister bought me an ancestry.com DNA kit and I received the results back a few weeks ago. In addition to learning that I’m 10% Middle Eastern, I was also shocked to learn I may be related to the owners of the company I work for. Apparently I may be their 4th cousin. Since then, I’ve been trying to find the connection. It’s a puzzle and I love it!

I found a realative’s tree that was public and has not only my grandfather in it but the owner’s grandfather. I am on hour 3 and about to throw my computer across the room. You may ask why I’m having such a difficult time. Well it doesn’t help that this tree owner has over 9,000 fucking realatives in the tree. How this thing doesn’t go as far back to the stone ages is beyond me.

It also doesn’t help that all of these ancestors had 10 kids each. It was a virtual fuck fest 24/7. The sex must have been amazing to go through child birth that many times, without an epidural (fuck that shit btw). I get that they didn’t have modern day birth control but didn’t they have crude forms, such as a donkey’s instenstines or something?

And the irony is this, I thought their names were so unique that finding them on a family tree would be so easy. I was so wrong. Apparently Gisuppe is on par with John:

One of the female realatives has the name Lucia Barbara. I’m like, I don’t know one Lucia Barbara on this Earth, this is going to be easy! Meanwhile, my family tree has a Lucia Barbara every fucking generation. I’m surprised I’m not Lucia Barbara the 17th (I’d do it in Roman numbers but I don’t know them past 3). I don’t even like the name Barbara (my apologies to all women named Barbara). So even though I was relieved I didn’t have to worry about the names Smith, Miller, Amy or John being in my family tree, I never dreamt I had to deal with the equivalent in the Italian version.

Going back to the many kids problem, this is the biggest hurdle. They had so many fucking kids and for every new kid means a completely different family tree. It’s driving me batty. I’ll click on a new family tree and suddenly I am drifting off even farther into the ocean. To find how I’m related to the owners of my company is like finding a needle in a haystack. The owner I’m related to, apparently we share 25.3 centimorgans across 2 DNA segments. Whatever that means.

So to get back on topic, my ancestors are NOT helping my search. They are all named the same fuckin’ name and had a gabillion children. Maybe it was to run the olive oil factories or something.

I’ll keep you guys posted. Bleh!!!