Since the pandemic, many of us have been on Teams. Slowly, one by one, we are plucked back to the office (usually against our will). By the grace of God, I’ve dodged these bullets and will do everything in my power to continue to dodge them. In the meantime, it doesn’t go without noticing there are certain people on Teams. Some I laugh about; some I feel sorry for. So friends, let’s explore the 7 types of employees on Teams. Are you one of them?
The “I was on mute” Employee
This person can NEVER find the unmute button. Even if their lives depended on it. It’s like Teams is an escape room and their one challenge, is to find the button so everyone can hear them speak. Eventually they find it and apologize profusely.
Hot Mic Harry
The opposite of the “I was on mute” employee is the hot mic Harry. This person doesn’t realize they never muted themselves and has an opinion of someone or something, and it wasn’t an opinion that should have been shared. While I freely give my opinion quite often, under the assumption that I’m on mute (aka that’s a stupid idea), I’m sure my time is coming when I forget and then ask if I should just create my own pink slip.
Mi casa es tu casa (or however you say it)
This person never learned how to either blur their background or use faux backgrounds. In addition, it’s not uncommon for spouses and children to make an appearance, sometimes semi-clothed. Similarly, pets will show up and strut their stuff in front of the camera. Full disclosure, when my chihuahua hears me on Teams, she comes running, eager to make an appearance.
Queen/King of Questions
Picture it, you’re in hour 3 of a meeting and think you’re in the home stretch. This is when the queen or king of questions decides to ask additional questions. Realizing you’re on camera, you resist the urge to throw yourself down dramatically on your desk, face planting your self between your arms while exclaiming, “Have you NOT had enough of this?”
Calls you for ANYTHING!
Knowing how anti-social I can sometimes be, I do my co-workers a solid and ask them first if they have a minute to chat if I feel like my question is too long to type. Not these ass-holes. They’ll call you every time/ anytime they have a question or a statement. I like to plan my shit and someone calling me randomly doesn’t help…at all.
Lights, Camera, Action
This is me, 100% and I really don’t care. Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in the window of your car or in the camera of a self-check out? It’s not uncommon for me to see myself in these mediums and exclaim “JESUS”! Given that I’m one of the oldest on my team, I’d like to at least try to look a little younger. How do I do it? I bought a ring light and something to prop my laptop up with and I’m absolutely unapologetic about it. My co-workers do not need to see me look like death, or their future in a decade.
Obnoxious lingo person
Saved the best for last here. This has been a pet peeve of mine before teams was even thought of. I have several blog posts about obnoxious office lingo. You know these ass holes. They say shit like, low hanging fruit. Or let’s circle-back. Maybe they talk about putting a pin in it? What does that even mean? While I get you don’t want to sound like you were raised in Appalachia or the bayou, you sound just as ridiculous when every other word is cross-functional partners or put a lasso around it. It’s dumb and fake.
So yeah, what did I miss folks? You guys are so awesome with this shit that I know I’m going to wake up to hitting my forehead, thinking I totally forgot about what you’re going to mention! 🙂
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