Shoppers That Annoy Me

I’m really not a complainer. I always repeat this mantra when posting things like this. Half the reason I post a list of complaints is because I’m guessing at least 1 person out there, other than myself, completely understands it and probably has a few more things to add. And I welcome all additions so after this list, add in the comments what annoys you.

1. People that talk on their phone while shopping. Once they begin to converse on the phone, it’s all down hill from there. Suddenly they turn into the slowest, most oblivious shoppers on Earth. I’m rubbing my face in frustration right now just thinking of the people that I’ve run into over the past 72 hours doing this. Friday, there was a woman that talked and talked right in front of the games at Krogers. I didn’t want to interrupt her but 5 minutes into the conversation I firmly said, “Excuse me!”
2. Would you like to open a ______ card and save __%? I just lie at this point. “Oh, I have one,” is always my response. I’m sure you already know this but each cashier is given a goal of how many credit cards to open up during a shift, hence the pressure. You are then commended (usually) by the number of lives you ruin, ahem, card you open up by your supervisor. We used to cheer each other on to open up credit cards. Sick.
3. People who see or allow things to fall off hangers and don’t pick them up. You lazy F*&%, pick it up you knuckle dragger. Sometimes they even look at me, as if seeking counsel on if they should pick up the shirt. Apparently I must have a “don’t worry about it look” as they normally turn back around and pick it up. Having worked retail in my 20’s, I pick it up for them if I see it happen. Jerks.
4. People that eat the food before they’ve bought it. Look, I will from time to time, pull out a bottle of water from my $2.99/ 32 pack of water because my mouth is a desert. I’m talking about the person that opens up a bag of Doritos and proceeds to munch the whole way through the store. Freakin’ eat a snack before you go.
5. People who suddenly stop in the middle of the walkway. Oh my god, I almost left this as that single sentence but feel it’s too huge of a shopping faux pas to stop there. I mean, wtf? Would you slam on your breaks on the highway if you needed to stop? No you wouldn’t so don’t do it in the cereal aisle.
6. The person who is walking at the speed of snail in the middle of the walkway and you can’t get around their caravan/posse. You can almost hear the thoughts in their heads. I imagine it to be in a sing song voice thinking, ‘I am just browsing. I love to shop. I am in no hurry. La, la, la. Ain’t life swell. Oh Gatorade is on sale, that’s nice. It’s really busy in here. Let me see how slow I can walk and if I can progress but without actually walking.’ 
7. The child about to plummet to his/her death from the cart. Their kid basically is treating the basket like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade float- dancing and singing as if all of Manhattan has come out to see them. Mom is too busy to realize lil’ Wayne is about to fall out because she’s on her phone. You just stand there subliminally trying to communicate to the kid, ‘don’t do that, your gonna’ fall’ or ‘sit down, sit down, sit down’. Surprisingly I think I’ve only seen 1 kid fall out.
8. Similarly, the kid who is in the sitting part of the cart and should be buckled in but isn’t. Instead, while mom is unloading food onto the conveyor belt he stands up, all while looking at you almost conveying, ‘what cha’ going to say now ass hole?’ As sweetly as I can, I whisper to the kid, “you better sit down or your gonna fall out.” Instead of abiding by my request, the kid usually just continues to stare at me in defiance. At that point I just stare back thinking that maybe this kid does need to fall out to be taught a lesson.
9. The barbaric set up of the deli counter. I could go to the deli at 6 am and I would still be behind the person who requests the following: “1 pound of ham, 1 pound of turkey, 1/2 pound of Sara Less roast beef. What kind of Swiss cheese do you have? Can I try it. Ok, 1 pound of lacy Swiss. Which is fresher? The macaroni or potato salad? Ok, 1/2 pound of each.” By now you can see the desperation in the deli worker’s eyes, praying to God that when they ask, “anything else,” the customer will respond with a “no, thanks.”

So what am I missing? I left #10 blank to find out what is your #10 annoyance of shopping? It can be the grocery store, clothing, big box store, you name it! I want to know I’m just being picky here.