Hello all! Yesterday I posted the first group (in no particular order) of blog entries for my What would you tell Oprah in 400 words or less.
Here is group #2. So what do you think? Who should get the $25 Amazon Gift Card.
What Would You Tell Oprah?
I would tell Oprah allll about my online dating experiences! From the very first, as a 12-year old, testing out dial-up internet, falling in love with a boy who said he was 17, but no then he was 19, oo wait, he has a son. No, stop the train – he’s 25 with a son and a dead wife. Oooo…you thought it would stop there? No way man! That message wasn’t from him, it was from his wife…who was still alive…and they had two sons, not just one.
Moving on to my 20’s when I had a guy ask for my phone number after talking for a day. I liked him so I gave it. He wanted to say goodnight to me. So sweet!! A simple 5-minute conversation turned into an hour and a half where he told me that, while he would never cheat on me, he shouldn’t have to beg for sexual attention (I had told him I practice abstinence). And then said if I ever got pregnant that he would marry me. And then asked if I had ever thought about baby names, and was I flexible on them? Oh, guess what! He had three picked out for our three children that we were having.
Just two of the stories I would tell Oprah. Others would include the one who just had brain surgery, catfishing before I knew what catfishing was, and the farmer who dumped me because I had tattoos.
*Ding-DONG-ding-DONG—DING-dong-DING-dong* I hate that doorbell. I finish rinsing the plate in my hand, then dry my hands before heading to the door.
Who on Earth is ringing my doorbell? People don’t just show up on your doorstep anymore.
I look out the peephole, just in case it’s a murderer, and I let out a small gasp. I step back from the door. No way. I look again. Still the same person standing on my step, she glances down the block, then at her watch.
What is going on?! This may be a murder ploy, but I open the door anyway because what the fuck, Oprah is on my doorstep, and my curiosity is apparently greater than my will to live.
Oprah smiles at me as I swing open the door. “Hi there! Are you Becca?”
“Um, yes?”
“You don’t sound very sure of yourself,” she chuckles. “Can I come in?” She reaches for the door handle before I can say anything.
She walks down the entryway and turns into the kitchen, like she knows where she’s going.
What the fuck is going on?!
I follow Oprah—freaking OPRAH—into my kitchen. “Did I win something?” I ask her.
Oprah laughs, a full belly laugh, and says, “Oh no, sweetie. Sorry to disappoint.”
I am just standing in the doorway staring. I am still in shock that Oprah is inside my home, but I’m also a little freaked out. Oprah sits down on one of the chairs and leans back, making herself comfortable. She kicks off one shoe and then the other. “Come, sit down,” Oprah says, and she motions to the chair next to her.
I stumble over and plop down, still not fully comprehending this situation. I stare at Oprah, who is lounging in the chair next to me, admiring the wedding photo on the wall, like this is a totally normal, not freaky at all, circumstance. Not knowing what else to do, I offer her something to drink.
“Oh, a glass of wine would be great,” she says.
I pour each of us a glass and sit back down. Oprah sips it, and lets out a sigh of satisfaction. I gulp half my glass down.
“So…” she starts. “How do you want to do this?” she asks.
“Do what?”
“Kill you,” she says nonchalantly.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Oprah?”
Lady; Hi Mohit, how you doing?
Me; I am doing good. Thanks !! How you doing?
Lady; I am fine. So would you talk about yourself a little or why don’t you tell others how is your journey so far?
Me; I started my carrier through some interviews with Call Center. And I guess it didn’t went well. I re-organised my thoughts and went on for some auditions to Modelling and Acting. But Unfortunately, it also didn’t went well. I thought of why not give a chance for Stand Up Comedian and applied for the same but they rejected my Application for some reason. Enough time passes and i realize how about having a YouTube channel, i desperately took it and recorded and uploaded a Video on my channel and for some other reasons it didn’t went well. Finally, i decided to be a content writer.
Lady; Even i started my carrier as a Content Writer. Life has Ups and Downs and this is a fact, it is as simple as that.
Me; Yeah, but i was saying like even it didn’t went well.
Lady; Mohit i tell you what; I always dream to be a Anchor. And believe me i had some serious struggles with in me and out with the society. All it takes is, what is needed to be taken. So all i can say is “Never give up. Today is hard, Tomorrow will be worse but the day after Tomorrow will be Sunshine”.
Me:- Yes you are absolutely right. I really consider this fact, Ahh but just for the sake of similarity: Did you ever feel like a reduced women i mean during your struggle time.
Lady; Do you really want to know this; Seriously. I didn’t find it a Question. What’s up with you now, How is it going?
Me; Probably a month ago, i started working on this Blog ”Delight Times”. It really did well for quite a few post but for some reason, like it went around 20 days and i haven’t posted a single blog. Life has been a One Big Potato, you peel it, cut into halves and boil it and all you can make is Sandwiches.
Lady; Here is a thing Mohit, Compassion, Passion and Attitude are some of the key attributes that makes you stiff and rigid, no matter what comes in your way. I often prefer to be compassionate more than any other thing but for some reason “You are a little Dumb Master Piece” and for some other reasons this conversation has completed in some way.
Have a Wonderful Day
Thanks!!
Ladies, we’ve all been there.
“I’m fat. I jiggle too much. I need to start working again.”
Well I’m there now. I’ve started wearing my 2-piece swimsuit again and as the years go by, I’m trying to figure out when I should trade in my 2-piece for that not-so-sexy 1-piece. Instead of making the change (while I’m still young), I decided to jump back on the bandwagon of hitting the gym and telling myself: “I’m gonna start eating healthy… on Monday…”
So I hopped in my car to head to the gym. The gym I go to is also an aquatic center, so my plan was to swim laps for 30 minutes (in my 1-piece bathing suit ’cause I’m not there to tan, duh).
I pull up to a red light with one car ahead of me. The light turns green. I’m in no real rush to go work out, so I wait a couple seconds. Nothing. Then I toot my horn. Not a honk ’cause I’m not an asshole; just a ‘hey, the light is green’ kind of honk.
Finally, movement. The conductor of this now 4 car-deep train of automobiles is now accelerating at a snail’s pace. We got up to a cruising speed of 12mph and because the people behind had more sense than me, they went speeding around.
There I was, tailgating this sloth-of-a-driver until I reached my breaking point.
You know those aggressive drivers you see honking up a storm, waving their middle finger, screaming to no one ’cause their windows are up and they just look like they’ve been put on mute…? Yeah. That was me.
“Don’t get on the road if you don’t know how to drive you fuckin’ twat! Call an Uber next time!”
As I was passing the reason for my rage, I looked over, middle finger cocked and ready, only to be greeted with the smiling face of none other than Oprah Winfrey.
Usually, I would throw up the bird, scream and expletive, and punch the gas.
But not this time. No, this time, I rolled my window down as I cruised neck and neck with the Oprah Winfrey.
She mirrored my action by rolling her window down as well.
“Hey Oprah… I’m such a big fan! I would love it if you would…”
And just as she’s getting excited over the fact that she’d found another fan…
“… suck my tailpipe!”
So those are the contestants! Pretty good stuff, right?! Let me know in the comment section who your favorite is! I will choose and post the winner tomorrow!!!
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