There I said it. What I’m about to say, might turn some people off or there might be women who cannot relate. That’s ok, I’d rather be honest then lie.
When I read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, the main character, Amy, had a quote that resonated with me. When I read it, I wanted to stand up and shout to the world, YOU NAILED IT! I wanted to run to my friends and family to say “this bitch has cracked the code!” And I use bitch as a sincere form of endearment. It’s what I was thinking but couldn’t articulate. Below is a screen shot with the exact quote: Goodreads.com
After the revelation, I began to question myself. Am I excited about a speech given by a character that is a psychopath? Am I a psychopath, since I fully agree with the statement?
‘You know what?’ I said to myself, ‘if I’m a psychopath, I don’t care. It’s true.’
I am quite confident that my husband falls into this club of men that long to be married to cool girl. And it’s not even a “cool girl” in my mind. It’s some dumb-ass bimbo who is to coward to admit “You know what? Wings, beer and football? If all of this fell off the face of the Earth, I would sleep just fine.”
In my 14 years of marriage, I have never sat down and watched a 3 hour (isn’t that how long they are?) football game. Watching a football game is on par with watching 2 90-year-olds screwing, very painful and very torturous (which I’ve never had experience with, let’s just be clear. I’m not into geriatric porn).
And I have NEVER craved BW3’s. After finding a green thing on my chicken tender years ago that could only be a tumor, I’ve never eaten chicken there since. And when I had to order food for the family there the other day, I set up a login. As an extra measure to secure my account you had to answer the following question: What is your favorite?
And the 3 options were the following: wings, football or beer.
‘I hate all of these things! There is no lesser of the 3. Why didn’t they have a 4th option that was none of the above?’
Cool Girl Loves Sex all the Time
Another persona of Cool Girl is that she is thinking about sex all the time. What baffles me the most about my husband is how he is baffled at me for not wanting sex 24/7. Cool girl would. Does he think I’m at work, counting the minutes till I can get home and screw? I’m thinking about how quickly I can throw my bra off and wash my face.
So here we are, 11 minutes before the Super Bowl. Of course my husband and sons are expecting me down there, completely eager to watch with excitement, like the women in super bowl ads. You know what I’m talking about. In “Marketing Land”, Superbowl looks like this (this took me all of 4 minutes to find and save. These marketing geniuses really produced something unique here):
Again, please see how Cool Girl is “so involved”. Like she is having the best time of her life and cannot wait for sex after the game! You know what? Tell me the entire Tory Burch store is 75% off or anything in Target is free and I will orgasm on the spot.
So am I off here ladies? And please don’t respond, “I really enjoy football.” Ok great, most don’t. Have you had a Super Bowl count down, you are head-to-toe in your favorite team’s colors and currently receiving praise over your 7 layer dip? Are you a cool girl?
I agree 100% I’ve only watched the superbowl once – and it was because I was at a youth event for my church and that was the event for the night. If I wanted to see my friends, I had to watch football. I hated every single, agonizing moment of it.
Football to me is agonizing too. There is this preconceived notion living in the Midwest, especially in my state, that if you have a family, you should be making some sort of dip, wearing your team’s colors and just as excited as your husband for the big game. When he tells you he invited his family as well as a few friends over, you have to jump up in the air like you are on the Price is Right and have just won a trip to Barbados.
The notion extends to Canada as well – and I would TOTALLY do it! If it was the NHL not the NFL and my team made it to the stanley cup finals haha – but I’m a crazy Canadian 😉
I feel exactly as you do. The saving grace for me, though, is that my husband doesn’t like football (or any sport) either… neither of us give a rat’s ass about any of it. I just want to see the Coldplay halftime show.
But the “cool girl” thing… yes! That is it! And I’ve known girls who claim to be this and guys who claim to have it. And I wonder why they’re proud of it because it makes them both sound like horrible people.
Yes, yes, yes…..anyone who claims they want a cool girl or have one, you know what? They are only making the epidemic worse. My husband has 2 friends where 1 dated a cool girl long ago while the other one is married to a supposed cool girl. All his other friends drool over her. She is beautiful, never angry and smily, drinks beer and just LOVES watching football. But when I talk with her here sums up ALL OF HER RESPONSES: “I don’t know, what do you think?” Our conversations are about as deep as giving someone Bath and Body Works for their birthday.
I think to be a so-called “cool girl,” you have to give up having a mind of your own. You just do whatever the guy wants. All the time. Forever and ever. Sounds awful. I would think any decent guy would get tired of that no matter how great he thought it was at first. Who wants someone who always just nods and smiles? The whole thing is so phony and unfulfilling … to me anyway!
One of my 3 sisters (the one who, coincidentally (or not so coincidentally), does not speak to me — after her divorce, she met a new guy (suspect she met him before the divorce…) and this new guy was super into football. My sister never watched a football game in her life… no one in my house growing up ever did either. Yet as soon as she met this guy, she became a huge football fan… got herself a fancy jersey and started throwing weekly football-watching parties. And telling everyone how much fun it was and how much she loved it. Really? Because you’ve liked it for about 5 seconds.
So you have the supposed “cool girl” and you have the wanna-be “cool girl”… not sure which is worse! And I’m better looking than my sister, so 😛 Hahhahaa:D
I would feel as if I lost myself if I did something like that. Like you, I doubt she loves football. What’s next? Keggers?
Hahaha! That’s even more hilarious considering her age. 😀
I don’t like football. I have no idea who just played, let alone who won. But then again I’m from Canada and love hockey 🙂
I didn’t even know North Carolina had a professional football team. The only sport I can stand is Soccer. I get a little too involved sometimes.
I do like food though, and football parties have good food (you never hear about 7 layer dips at hockey parties…do we even have hockey parties?) and by next year, here in Canada they’re finally going to start allowing all the 5 million dollar commercials you American’s get to see. So Go 7 Layer Dip…er…I mean, Go Team!!!
I love food too. I am the devil if I’m hungry. Just so tired of other moms or female relatives looking at me in dissappointment when I didn’t provide 7 layers of dip usually consisting of cream cheese, sour cream, cheddar cheese, lettuce (for the dieters), sharp cheddar, cellulite and fat rolls to dip their tortilla chip in.
I’ve only once watched the Super Bowl. But then again, I’m in Berlin, so it’s dang in the middle of the night and I don’t understand the rules or how it works, so I wasn’t too excited. However, I like watching some sports (soccer, golf, darts). All of which I discovered through some guys but grew to like (the sport, not all of the guys 🙂 ).
OMG! I don’t understand it either! I only cheer when I see everybody else cheering. When my sons try to have a conversation with me about football I just look at them like a deer in a headlight look thinking to myself ‘Is Downton Abbey on at 9 or 10?’
I love this! Thank you for putting things from a women’s perspective. I mean, as a mom of three boys 6, 3, and 1. I can’t wait to do the nasty with my husband once I finally get to lay down at night after wiping butts all day:)
I am so glad you like this! I just get frustrated too when they expect you to look like a Victoria’s Secret model like having your hair all tousled and your makeup on but really you’re wearing a t-shirt and sweats and it feels damn good! 3 kids. Wow! I have 2. I treat having kids like my landscaping: I don’t do anything more than what I know I can take care of ; so you dont see flowers or anything over and beyond bc I know it will look like ass in 2 weeks. I know I would not be able to take care of three so good job! And boys! Ha!!
You go gone girl! I am completely with you. I refused to marry anyone who liked competitive sports. Would not let my poor father in law watch any sport in my house. Menopause is making me horny but he had to wait a long time for that. Who the heck likes that crappy junk food from Hooters type places and why would a woman ever wear a Hooters t-shirt????
Because that is where “cool girl” works on the weekend. During the work week she is a Pediatrician.
LMAO!
I’m uncool. I don’t get the whole football thing, and sometimes my girl goodies are closed down for maintenance. It’s not a 7-eleven for Chrissake. Great post! You crack me up.
I hate football. There I said it. BUT I love food!!!! The only reason I go to the parties are for the food and not chicken wings — those are too messy. I have to eat those alone cause I’m such a pig when I eat them.