A Complete and Utter Rant

The title is exactly what it says. This is a complete and utter rant. I don’t care how childish it is as this is my blog. The only thing I won’t divulge is who inspired this rant. Just imagine a horrible person you’ve interacted with and suddenly my meltdown doesn’t seem so out of place. Let’s get started.

• What bridge do you live under? Are you like a creepy troll that hides and waits for innocent children to pass by. Only to grab and eat them? I imagine you have a breathing problem which makes you wheeze all creepy and shit. Especially when you laugh maniacally. 
• If you took the biggest IT nerd who sat alone in a room all day, getting the biggest boner because there was a breakthrough with VR headsets and virtual reality, it still wouldn’t compare to your inability to relate to even the most basic of human beings.
• You were the kid that placed Elmer’s glue on the booger you just pulled out of your nose, then ate it.
• When criticized, you can’t possibly fathom that anything you do is wrong. Everyone around you is wrong. When you are proven wrong, you suddenly invent your own truth to make sure you are still not wrong.
• Everyone hates you.
• At no point will you participate in any social activities. Even at the off-chance you were invited to one, social activities are beneath you. You have better things to do like organize your East African spice collection.
• If you are even on social media and when trolling your 11 friends (mom, dad, 2 grandparents, 2 siblings, 1 brother-in-law, 3 cousins and your therapist), you shit on every post. Though deemed impossible by most normal people, you find offense in posts such as the below:

We welcomed our new Son Elliot Owen into the world today.

or

My father passed away.

or

Cancer free for 5 years now!

• You are the reason why the wonderful word curmudgeon was invented. It’s a lifestyle and you better damn well believe you live it.

In summary, you are an amazing ass hole with 0 social skills. People cringe when you walk into a room. You are what I generally call an unhappy person and you make me unhappy in my presence. I’m sorry I know you.