So This is How the World Ends?

world ends

Ohio is a shit show right now, an absolute shit show. Yesterday, it was announced that at 9 PM all restaurants and bars in Ohio would close for dine-in business. A few days ago they closed the schools (and now they’re talking about longer than 3 weeks) and now restaurants.

At this point, all you can do is laugh and I’m doubled over with laughter. I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying and my sides hurt. I laugh because a month or so ago I thanked my lucky stars that I’m a food buyer and not a clothing buyer. People don’t have to go out and get new clothes, but people have to eat. My job is totally secure.

Stock Market

In part of my transition to doing more adult things, I downloaded the Robin Hood app and bought like 10 stocks. I did a little research and bought off what the “experts” advised to buy. Then everything started tanking. 2 weeks ago my stocks were worth like $60. Today, like 99 cents. And perhaps I had a lobotomy that I was unaware of because my dumb ass checked my sons’ college funds. I can literally say we’ve lost thousands.

I also bought a car last week and acquired a new car payment. I haven’t had a car payment since like 2011 and I pick now to get a new car. Absolutely brilliant.

The News

I can’t stop watching the news. I bring my phone into the bathroom so I can watch the news on the toilet. I watch it walking my cousin’s dog. I would watch it in the shower if my phone was waterproof.

It’s like we’re all on a reality show about the apocalypse and the only way to gauge “what’s next” is to watch press briefings and the news. I tune in every day at 2 PM to Ohio’s Governor press conference because it normally is a new “nugget” of what life is going to be like now. A week ago it was banning all large gatherings. A few days ago it was that all schools would be canceled and yesterday, all restaurants and bars are closed for dining in. Ah the good ole’ days of being upset that March madness closed. Sigh…..

The Grocery Store

People are really stupid, I’m just going to say it. I went grocery shopping today and everything I wanted is out. Normally I buy the grocery store brand but all of that is gone. Every roll of toilet paper and paper towels, gone. Pancakes, frozen lasagna, all bottled water and shrimp poppers gone. Syrup, Hot Pockets, flour, bacon and packaged lunch meat, almost gone. And do you know what is plenty? Protein bars. If we are on lockdown, we’re going to need protein. I just thought it was really stupid.

lunch meatno toilet paper frozen food out last of the syrup

Cashing in on the Apocalypse

I’ve decided to thrive in the apocalypse. Why not make a few bucks off this that doesn’t including reselling rolls of toilet paper for $20? I’m making glasses to commemorate this train wreck. Here are a few I’ve done:

toilet paper corona virusLook, everything is going to shit right now and all we can do is laugh. They’re taking away casinos, bars, human interaction and canceling production on a lot of shows. I know it’s not a laughing matter but humor is how I cope and I think a lot of us do.

Stay safe out there!

P.S. Etsy has removed my Corona Virus mug. Apparently, they don’t find it as funny as I do. Whatevs.

 

 

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