Because I’m annoyed right now, this is going to be a particularly angry post. I’m writing angry but then again, sometimes my most favorite posts are when I’m feeling mean and nasty. I’m waiting on several things right now and I don’t like waiting. All the things I’m waiting on should have arrived here by now or been credited to me and haven’t. Couple this with my period about to start and I’m a raging lunatic.
For Christmas, my sister bought me the most wonderful book on Earth, 400 Writing Prompts*. I intend to use it throughout the year and perhaps beyond for ideas. The first prompt:
What Was the Worst Insult You’ve Ever Been Given
I was asked point-blank when I was due. As in pregnant. As in with Child or bun in the oven. I had just had a baby a month prior and my stomach was taking it’s sweet-ass time to go back down. It may have something to do with eating as if I were still pregnant but we won’t discuss that.
Anywho, we were visiting my husband’s relatives in Western Pennsylvania. One day, we decided to go to their “mall”. For anyone that has never been to a small-town mall, let me explain the standard mix of stores:
- Great Clips
- Auntie Anne’s Pretzels
- A wannabe Starbucks that uses enough sugar in their lattes to send a diabetic person to their death
- One department store with fashion from a decade ago
- Bath & Body Works (the town secretly deems this the flagship of the mall)
- One store with local crafts
- A Finish Line or Foot Locker
On that day, we decided to purchase running shoes for our newborn that hadn’t even developed the skill to roll over onto his back. There was a twenty-something kid working that offered assistance. He had that “golly, gee shucks” about him. He was innocent and stupid.
As he opened the shoebox and took the crinkled tissue paper out of the little baby Nikes, he began to make small talk. He asked how old our newborn was and what sport he would be using the shoes for.
“Sleeping,” I responded, without missing a beat.
The kid hit his head after realizing what a dumb question it had been. He then proceeded to ask an even dumber question:
“So when are you due?”
“When are you due?”
I had a choice now. I could either tell the truth and make this kid feel bad (in which he totally deserved) or I could lie and play along. Pay no attention that I had clearly stated that the baby in my husband’s arms was our newborn. That medically, it wasn’t possible to birth one child but keep a second one in the chamber till he/she was good and ready to come out. Like, the one casserole was ready but the other one needed 10 more minutes in the oven. Clearly someone missed sex-ed that day.
“I’m not pregnant.” I decided to tell him. But this kid was too stupid to feel bad about the question. Making that mistake to him was on par with when someone mistakes one of your kid’s friends as your child. This kid had not been taught the 2 things you NEVER ask a woman:
- How old are you?
- When are you due?
Like, a woman would have to be in the delivery room and feet in the stirrups before I ask when she is due.
And the Insult Happened Again!
I won’t bore you with the details but not long after that, I was asked AGAIN by another young man. I was a broken woman by then and didn’t have it in me to tell the truth so I responded,
This answer seemed acceptable and we both moved on. The next day, I signed up for Weight Watchers to lose the belly. So that was the most insulted I’ve ever been. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to check the Fed Ex site AGAIN as well as check my email AGAIN for everything I’m waiting on. It’s honestly like watching water boil.
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Oh my!!! ?
Worst insult ever!
My Hubby did that to a very old friend of mine who we hadnts seen for years. She answered him, deadpan, “8 weeks ago.”
And I know how horrifying it is too. Had it once when my slightly protruding food baby belly sparked a colleague taking me to one side, and asking when I was going to tell everyone the good news!
OMG….that had to be beyond awkward for you both when the co-worker took you side. I am literally cringed when I read that. Dear God! I love that your friend set him straight and said 8 weeks ago! LOL!
My colleagues comment spurred my 2 stone weight loss (not that it stayed off!) But yeah, yay to my friend’s reply!
What do you mean by 2 stone?
1stone is 14lbs.
We don’t tend to measure in kg here!
LOL OMG “like one casserole was done and the other needed another 10-minutes” greatest thing ever!
Ha! That’s the first thing I thought of when I was writing this. Like I was cooking and one dish was ready but after sticking a tooth pick in the second, some batter still came up with it. LOL!!
Haha!! Such a great line!
Well at least you never had a little kid walk up to you in a video store than loudly state towards their Mother “Mommy, why is this “lady” so fat!?” Totally awful that it happened to you twice though within a short span.
Kids are just like little drunk people. They will speak their minds, not caring if it’s rude or inappropriate.
True, but what made it 100 times worse was the grown up then told her child not to be rude, some “women” are different sizes, for which I then replied..so are some “men” like me.
I had been working for a small collection agency for a couple of months when the manager of the legal department left. The VP (a she) asked me to take the position. I was reluctant because of no legal experience but I finally said yes. I took to the job like a duck to water and by the end of the year, the legal department’s revenue was at a six figure amount for the first time ever.
The President (a he) and VP met with me to share the news. He actually said “I didn’t want to hire you when you interviewed because you were fat and everyone knows fat people are lazy”. The VP cringed thinking lawsuit.
I pointedly looked at his belly hanging over his belt then directly in his eyes and told him “I believe I’ve proved you wrong”.
True story, I promise. I still can’t believe how some people can be such clueless assholes.
Oh wow, that’s so bad. I mean just like really bad…
I think my worst insult has been accused of being normal.