I Lost My S*** at Embassy Suites

Embassy Suites

I absolutely love Embassy Suites hotel. Why? 3 reasons:

  • There is a 2 room suite so my husband and I can stay in 1 room while the boys sleep in the front.
  • Unlimited alcohol (As long as you don’t seem belligerent and wear different disguises on your 5th time up to the bar. At least that’s what I’ve been told) from the hours of 5:30-7:30 p.m.
  • Deluxe breakfast. Complete with omelets, bacon and a million other options. Other lame-ass breakfasts usually include make-it-yourself waffles along with microwaved sausages.

This weekend they have tested my patience. How? Let’s get started.


I was VERY clear last week when I cancelled the Friday night for our soccer games that I still needed the Saturday night reservation. I couldn’t have been any clearer.

When I walked in to Embassy Suites, I had my sandwich trick prepared to get an upgrade. In a nutshell, you offer a tip for a complimentary upgrade and it’s worked 98% of the time. I had gotten cocky and was prepared to ask for the Presidential suite. Let me clear, I am quite confident that no president will never stay in Blue Ash, Ohio, but I don’t ask questions. I smiled at the young woman, holding $10 between my husband’s credit card and license.

“No more rooms. We completely booked,” she said curtly.

I smiled, fully realizing this may happen and accepting there is nothing I could do about it.

“Ok, the reservation is under Christopher Miconi,” I said.

She typed a few things into her computer, frowned then said, “We do not have anything under Christopher Miconi. We have a Natalia Miconi reserved but not Christopher.”

I thought for a moment and honestly racked my brain for a Natalia in my family. No game.

“Do you have a reservation number, Mrs. Miconi?” She asked sweetly.

Annoyed, I accessed my phone, found the reservation number and presented it to her. She typed a few things in and said,

“That reservation was cancelled.”

I looked at her as if she had just told me I had a head sprouting from my right shoulder. Anger bubbled up and I didn’t curb it. By now, a line had formed behind me and they were getting as pissed off as I was.

“Well you’re gonna have to bump someone else because we’re stayin’ here,” I said very matter of a fact while pointing my index finger to the desk. Why did this happen? Why wasn’t there more people helping this girl? I changed tack.

“Why are you the only one up here?” I asked, with sincere concern.

“I new, another person call off and the manager isn’t here till 3.”

So essentially, this 20-something new girl, was running this entire hotel, on a Saturday, at 100% capacity, by herself. Long story short and 30 minutes later, we were sitting in our room.

The State of this Hotel

After dinner, I took Carter (my 9-year-old) for a swim. Though the pool was empty, this is the state we found it in. The pool looked as if it hadn’t been serviced in a month and the water was a different color of blue. So different Carter refused to get in and I really don’t blame him.

pool 2

pool 1

pool 3

Sofa Bed

I understand sofa beds aren’t know for comfort though I have been at 2 hotels recently where they managed to get a comfortable mattress in the sofa bed. The bed here might as well been torture devices. It’s literally all spring and no padding. I felt terrible for my sons. I called down for an extra blanket to cushion the bed and they would send one up. 3 minutes later,I received a call that they were out of blankets.


Around midnight, when the bar was closing up, Chris and I weren’t done. After several “you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here” looks from the bartender, we headed outside from the lobby. There were about 4 people smoking. We struke up a conversation and before you knew it, we were being told to quiet down by an annoyed manager. When we found his request adorable and adhered to it for approximately 5 minutes, their next move was to send in Barney Fife in to save the day. Seeing that this officer was the size of my right leg, I couldn’t take him seriously and instead, demanded this picture be taken:

Barney Fife



P.S. I have no idea who these people are.

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