For anyone that hasn’t seen To Catch a Predator, it was a show on Dateline NBC and ran from 2004-2007. Chris Hanson (the journalist) and team would lure male predators in by impersonating a young girl or boy (usually around 13-years-old) over the internet. After online communication, the decoy (a very young-looking adult), would agree to meet the perv. When perv walked into the house and got comfortable, that’s when Hanson would walk in, to confront these guys.
Just like the thugs on Cops who would announce that the crack pipe found in their glove compartment wasn’t their’s, I would always get a kick out of the hilarious excuses these guys had for meeting the children. I don’t necessarily think they thought anyone would believe their excuses, they just knew they were in trouble and came up with the first lame excuse that entered their heads.
Now, despite the topics discussed online with the adult posing as a child such as anal sex, blow jobs and lingerie, below are some of my favorite lines that these moronic perverts came up with as to why they were in the house of a minor:
Best Lines Ever From To Catch a Predator
- I just stopped by to tell her I wasn’t going to meet with her because I have to meet with other people.
- Just came by to say hi and meet a friend but I may have the wrong address.
- Your son IM’ed me and told me to come on over.
- Nothin’ was gonna happen. I was just gonna talk to the kid. Chris Hanson: What were you going to talk about? Predator: I don’t know. Baseball? Football?
- I just came to talk.
- Was gonna help her with homework. Chris Hanson: That’s handy.
- I was just lookin’ for work or somethin’. Chris Hanson: did you bring tools? Perv: No, I just came to look.
- I’m thinkin’ about buyin’ this house. It’s 4 bedrooms right?
- I probably would have just said hello, how you doin’, maybe taken a ride in the car.
- I just came to get somethin’ to eat (this after this dude was caught the day before by Chris Hanson, completely naked. Apparently he was at it again.)
- All I wanted to do was be like a big brother to her or something like that.
- I came over to tell her, you know, I could be anybody. Chris Hanson: So you came over out of the goodness of your heart?
I think the best part of every show, was how Chris Hanson would waltz into the room that the pervert was waiting in. I don’t even think he meant to be sarcastic or funny but to me, his comebacks were priceless. He never seemed to raise his voice but treated the exchange as if it were an actual interview.
Here’s how a typical scene would play out:
Decoy, walking out of the kitchen that the perv just entered: “Yeah, I just made some tea. It’s on the island. I need to use the restroom and I’ll be right back.”
Perv sits down at island, anticipating the evening. Maybe he brought some wine coolers or a 6-pack.
In walks Chris Hanson almost with a bounce in his step, holding file folders. As he walks in, he usually references the communication between the decoy and the pervert.
“So you were going to buy her lingerie then fist her?”
“No sir, I was going to teach her how to defend herself. She asked if I would teach her self-defense and I said I would teach her to punch with her fists.”
“But you said you would buy her lingerie too?” Chris asks speculatively.
“Well every girl gonna need a sports bra…..”
And this exchange would go on for several minutes until Chris would tell him he was free to leave, only to be thrown on the ground by the police seconds later.
Have you guys seen this show? If not, you can a few clips here.